Inspired By A Simple Conversation With A Good Friend

It has been quite some time since I last wrote in this blog. I have a number of reasons . . . but they are all excuses. And although we all think our reasons are "valid", I don't want to disrespect you or waste your time by pretending they are justified. Suffice it to say that I let life get in the way.

If you are coming back and enjoying my blog again after my long hiatus, Thank You. I appreciate the second chance.

Or if you are a first time reader, I hope you enjoy.

Either way, I hope to incite some conversation about business and life. And I look forward to engaging with you through discussion and generating new and insight methods to deal with the struggles that we all face in both our business and in our every day lives. And even more so, I hope that I can show that as much as we all try to separate the two, Business and Life, the two are so closely related, that it's often hard to tell where one end and the other begins.

So, without further ado, let me get back to blogging . . .

I had an interesting conversation with a good friend of mine yesterday about a simple concept that I've written about before, but I think warrants new light to be shown on the topic.

You can't manage . . . or improve consistently, what you don't measure.

What do you truly want to change in your business or in your life? When it comes to your goals, what do you want? Where would you like to be tomorrow . . . next month . . . or even next year?

If you are you thinking from a business perspective, you might be looking for more sales, more new clients, decreased costs or maybe more market share?

Or maybe your goals are more personal in nature. More income? Weight loss? Healthier lifestyle? Lower cholesterol? Or maybe a better education?

What would make you happy?

Time and time again, the more I live, the more I see a pattern . . . if you set and commit to a goal (a specific, measurable goal), measure your progress consistently over the entire time span of the goal, you can't help but begin to see improvement, towards the goal, if not complete fulfillment of that goal.

Are things going to change right away? Absolutely NOT!

But they will change. Not because of something magical that happens when you set and measure goals. No, life doesn't work that way. Things change because YOU will start making a difference in the way you behave - you will begin to change the way you behave, if for no other reason because you will get tired of facing the failure each and every day of not improving.

Will you get it right the first time? Possibly, but not always. You will have to "adjust fire" (as the Army likes to say - correcting for missing the target on the first shot), but if you are measuring and you have defined goals, you will be more likely to find the combination that gives you the best opportunity to be "more right" with each subsequent change.

Why is Goal Setting and Measuring Results So Hard?

Unfortunately, in spite of the simplicity of these ideas, we still struggle. In fact, what we all, as flawed human beings, tend to do is to say we want something, and then NOT put into place the systems we need to make sure we actually to ensure our success.

We do this by:

1. Not measuring what we want to improve. We leave our goal nebulous and random so that we can make growth towards that goal COMPLETELY at our emotional whim. If we feel good about what we have done, we say we fulfilled our goal. When we don't feel good about how we are doing, we say we failed. Either way we move on - forgetting (intentionally or unintentionally) what the original goal really was in the first place.

2. Not measuring "interim results" or "the process". Sometimes the end results are a long time coming - or just plain difficult to measure. When this occurs, it's important to set up measurements that are either direct inputs into the results you want, are by-products of your achievements, or are associated with the process you are going to take toward your desired goal. In cases like this, we know that if we follow a process, record the progress (as small as it might be) and measure our consistency, we will see results.

3. Giving up at the first sign of failure (or we don't put into place systems / methods for correcting our mistakes, when the growth doesn't occur as we expected it to occur). This is the number one cause of failing to reach our goals. We set a goal, start down the path to make it a reality, and then give up at the first sign of failure - or we think that since things are going as well as we had hoped (i.e. perfectly) then we just aren't meant to have what we want.

I know these all sound silly to read, but everyone I know and ever spoken to about success, including myself, has seen each and every one of these - at some time during their lives. And if you are honest with yourself, I suspect you will find each of these three struggles in your life too.

Keep It Simple

As simple as the struggle may seem, in my opinion, the solution is ever easier.

Stop over thinking things and keep it simple.

If you want to create a change in your business or in your personal life:

- DEFINE IT. Write down your goals and face them every day. Don't think because you said them once or thought about them, that you will actually remember them as you go about making decisions each and every minute of the day.
- MEASURE IT. Measure daily how you are progressing towards your goals - either directly or indirectly through a process or series of related steps.
- DON'T QUIT. It's inevitable - something will happen that you didn't expect or plan for and you will feel discouraged. No goal worth having doesn't involve some hardship along the way. No matter what the cause of your struggle, stay focused on what you want and make it happen in spite of the setback.
- MAKE ADJUSTMENTS until you find the right answer. There is a path to each destination - some are easier to find than others. If your first path didn't work, figure out what didn't work for you and make corrections so that you don't make the same mistake again.

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So, let me ask you, "What things do you want to change in YOUR BUSINESS or in YOUR LIFE?"

The Voices You Hear Might Be Saying The Wrong Thing

As I've talked about before, we (our conscious minds) are bombarded by thousands of messages every second. And believe it or not, most of us never hear them.

Where do those messages come from and why can't we hear them? Well, because most of the time, they are doing very little more than simply re-enforcing the behavior that we so naturally live in our lives.

It's just like if I were to beat a drum at a rate of 2 beats per second really loudly, and you were able to sync up with my beat in another room, with a different drum, I wouldn't ever know you were even there.

We wake up when the messages tell us to.

We eat when the messages tell us to.

We do, all day long, what the messages tell us to do.

That is how the subconscious and conscious mind work. We think we are doing what we choose to do each and every minute of the day. But, 99% of the time, what we are doing is more driven out of habit and or life patterns, than of conscious choice.

Normally, when our lives are going the way they always have, this isn't a big deal. Because the messages are in-sync with our conscious thoughts and actions. But. . . when we decide to change something in our lives, or things in our lives are suddenly changed for us, things become a lot tougher.

Going back to the drum beat example, imagine if I were to change my tempo and you didn't. Yep, you guessed it, your presence would suddenly be known to me.

This change causes the messages from our subconscious and our conscious actions to begin to conflict with each other. And there are two results that can occur:

1. You ignore your subconscious pull to your past methods, knowing they don't apply any more. (I accept that our beats are out of sync and I begin to teach you . . . over time to follow my pattern).
2. You revert back to your old habits, ending the changes that you start to experience. (the consistency of your beat at a rate of 2 beats per second, overcomes my desire to be different and I start following your lead, to stop the noise).

Our Subconscious Mind Doesn't Care What We are Doing

The subconscious doesn't care what you are doing, that's not a concern of it. The present doesn't matter to it - nor does current reality. It wants you to do what you were doing - what it's trying to get you to do . . . is get you to do what you did yesterday.

Your subconscious likes repetition. It likes habits. And it hates change.

So every time your life begins to deviate slightly from its past patterns of behavior, you feel a conflict. And that conflict is tough to overcome.

Overcoming the Change . . . Or Not

The first couple days / weeks you are trying to change, your sheer will to make it happen often is enough to keep your subconscious mind from winning the battle. But as your focus dissipates (as it nearly always will over time), the pull of your habits becomes stronger and stronger.

Good news is that eventually, you can build new habit patterns - new ways of thinking and behaving in a given situation. But the bad news, is that the "old patterns" of thought never completely go away - although their influence does decrease over time.

The hardest part of creating change in your life is that the messages become "louder" (more obvious), the more out of sync with your old behavior you get. You can call it self-sabotage, or self-destruction, but the simple truth is that what your subconscious mind is trying to do is simply do what it's supposed to do - keep you safe and alive using the same patterns of thought that have gotten you this far.

It doesn't know if your new patterns are working or not - it just keeps trying to maintain the status quo.

It doesn't want to create failure in your life - it just wants to keep you moving forward the same way you got to where you are.

Breaking Through To The Other Side

You've seen it before in failed diets, attempts to turn over a new leaf, or stopping any behavior that you know is habitual, but is causing you serious harm in your life. Every time you start to make big headway, you hit a barrier that you can not break through - you hit a invisible wall.

The wall isn't really there, it just feels like it is, because the influence of your subconscious is so powerful.

In order to break through the personal barriers, you must keep you eyes on the horizon and your conscious mind on your goals. Don't let the voices (messages) dissuade you. Don't let them turn you around - they grow loudest just before they start to fade.

Stay focused and keep moving forward.

Don't Let Your Feelings Dictate Your Life

How are you feeling today?

Far too often we let our feelings drive our lives. We let how we feel dictate what we do and how we act. We feel good one day, and it becomes a good day. We feel bad the next, or not up to the task, and sure enough, it comes true.

Unfortunately, being beholden to your feelings, leaves you beholden to your past . . . and to your subconscious mind . . . not to your vision and your goals.

So instead of letting your feelings drive your actions, let your goals drive your actions. Rather than responding to how you feel, respond and drive yourself based on what you want.

What You Want Needs To Be The Driving Factor?

Ever start a diet because you "want" to loose weight, get trim, and feel better about yourself. - only to do good for three days, and quit, because you weren't feeling better about yourself.

Did you stop wanting to loose weight?

Did you stop wanting to get trim?

Did you stop wanting to feel better about yourself?

Usually not. Your goal didn't change. You just gave-in to the feelings of not wanting to do the work any more. Not wanting to work out. And certainly not wanting to feel hungry any more.

You Can't Count On Feelings

Feelings need to follow your actions, not lead them. But they take time - and are rarely predictable 100% of the time. Our feelings are rooted all too often in mixed messages and crossed wires in the memories of our past.

Our goals are rooted in the future.

Don't follow your feelings.
They will lead you in circles, often right back to where you started.

Feelings are confusing.

Often anger is confused with fear. Often hope and infatuation is confused with trust and love.

In the case of the diet above, you should not set a goal to feel better about yourself . . . because how you feel is often too easily impacted by many outside factors - things outside of our control.

And besides, feelings are not measurable and often very related more to how I felt 10 minutes or 10 hours ago, than any set standard. So it is often tough to tell how much better you feel from one week to the next - or from one year to the next.

Sure, you can set a goal of losing 10lbs or 2 inches from your waist, and you can say that you should feel better because of that, but there is no guarantee that you will.

In fact, you may feel that given all the work you did, you should feel better than you actually do, only to cause you to give up on any further efforts.

Let Your Goals Drive Your Actions

Bottom line, follow your vision and your goals . . . and they will lead you to where you want to be, even in the midst of tumultuous feelings.

And besides, and you've heard me say it 1000s of times - Let Your Goals Drive Your Actions.

Set your goals - make them what you want, not what you want to feel. The feelings will follow, if your goals are truly what you want.

Kicking the Can Down the Road is Rarely the RIGHT Answer

What are you doing today that is a distraction from achieving your goals?

All too often, what we do to fill our day is little more than a distraction. We have a list of things we want or need to get done, but for whatever reason, we are avoiding doing them.

Maybe it's that you aren't sure how to do them.

Maybe you don't want to do them.

Or maybe you are afraid to do them because they "may" have results that you don't want.

Have you ever done this . . . avoided doing the really important things in your life, either at work or in your personal life, simply because avoidance is easier?

Well, let me share something with you. I often personally struggle with this and continue to learn both in my personal life and in helping others as a coach.

Avoidance is never the right answer.

It may feel good at the moment - it may feel like the right solution - but you know that there is no hiding from the truth - no hiding from your commitments. Sooner or later you have to face the things you are avoiding.

The problem with avoiding things is that the longer you avoid facing your challenges, the more they drain you - stealing away your happiness and your peace of mind. The longer you keep trying to "kick the can down the road", the more you end up having to clean up in the long run.

So what is the trick? What can you do to remedy this struggle? Is there an simple fix?

As usual, the fix is simple, but the implementation is often quite hard.

The truth is, when it comes to "tough things" to do, your current reward for avoiding is more desirable than not doing. So, what you need to do, is change that - any way you possibly can:
A few simple ways you can do to help this are:

- Define a reward that you REALLY want that you will give yourself when you make this happen. And with hold that reward until you have achieved your goals.
- Share with a friend, a family member, and /or an accountability partner (someone you can take criticism from) that you are avoiding something that you really want to get done. Ask them to "ride you hard", until you get it done - tell them to keep it objective, but to become your personal nag.
- Simply make TODAY the day you are going to get it done . . . whatever "it" is. And then just do it - no excuses, no distractions, no interruptions. NO MATTER WHAT!

I know these ideas seem like common sense, but as I have said many times in the past, "common sense is not common practice".

Stop thinking that things will get better, just because you want them to. Take action and make them happen. You will feel better about yourself when you finally get to the other side.
you are obviously not doing a very good job of holding yourself accountable.

Are You A Micromanager?

According to Wikipedia, Micromanagement is a management style where a manager closely observes or controls the work of his or her subordinates or employees.

Why is it that no one thinks they are a Micromanager, but yet everyone thinks they work for one?

Are all managers that ignorant to their style?

Are You A Micromanager?

Since the first step in improving anything in your life is recognizing and accepting that problem, let's first start with self analysis and facing the truth about yourself.

Here are seven questions that all managers should ask of themselves?

1. Is the mission more important to you than control over the situation?
2. Do your direct reports know what is expected of them?
3. Do you provide guidance more than you impose direction?
4. Do you set goals for your employees and empower them to achieve them?
5. Do you delegate day-to-day routine functions so you can look up and out to more important things?
6. Do you tolerate failures and allow mistakes to happen or do you castrate your staff for even the slightest hiccup?
7. Do you praise more than you criticize?

So how many times did you answer Yes?

Six or seven times - You are a real leader - others will follow you through fire.
Four or five times - You are pretty good manager and a burgeoning leader. Your employees are committed, but the talents are still untapped.
Two or three times - You are average, but quite honestly, not getting as much from your people as you could.
Less than two times - You are a quintessential micromanager and your people hate working for you. They are more committed to their pay than to you.

Take It One Step Further

So now that you know where you stand in your own mind, how about asking your employees the same questions about you and your style of management?

Their answer maybe the same as yours, but if you are like most, they probably won't. But if you want to be the best manager you can be, then first you have to know what your direct reports think of you, as well as every other measure of success you have.

Once you know how you see yourself and how others see you, you are ready to take the steps you need to take to become a better manager and get more out of everyone that works for you. Throughout the next week, this blog will be dedicated to helping Managers and Leaders take small steps to becoming more effective. Join me and learn the little things you can do to make a difference in your office - both for yourself and for everyone that works for you.

Stop Spending All Your Time On The Wrong Things.

In today's world, it's SOOOO easy to get sucked into committing to much more than we really want. As it is, we work longer hours, try to be the perfect parent doing everything with our kids, and give of ourselves more than we really have to give. If these things are what you truly want. . . then keep it up. But more times than not, I find people's daily activities are built less around what they want (deep down inside) and more about "keeping up with the Joneses", doing what they did yesterday / last week or simply doing what they think others want them to do.

STOP this pattern. Stop working on things that don't really matter to you, just because that's what you have always done - or because someone, who really isn't important to you, is telling you that you have to do it.

Stop it now and begin valuing your time as much as you say you value it.

Ground yourself in what really matters.

Review what you want, your personal vision, and look at your long term and short term goals. Begin by ensuring your priorities are actually what you want. And then make sure your actions are actually getting you closer to your longer term goals and vision.

If your daily activities are helping you achieve your life's purpose and goals then COMMIT to them, like you have never committed to them before.

However, if the things you are doing every day, are not helping you achieve your goals, then get rid of them - remove them from your daily schedule. And open up time and space on your calendar and in your life for the things that do matter to you and COMMIT completely to them.

Making It All Happen

This all sounds very easy, but it is not. Most people are so intertwined with what they do every day, they can't break the chains even though they want to. They define their lives through through their daily activities - even though they really don't matter to them.

Breaking the chains of servitude to undesirable activity requires that you make yourself vulnerable - be willing to stand up for what you want and believe in and being willing to be unique. Choose to not be who you were yesterday, and instead choose to move forward towards your dreams is scary - and often debilitating.

This is not something you can do overnight . . . successfully. Thus moving forward in this matter requires you stay focused on what you want - DAILY - and NOT allowing short term distractions pull you back into the "comfortable", but limiting mindset, of being the same person you were yesterday.

Finally, another important aspect of the change process is taking small, manageable steps - not one sweeping leap. Don't drop every, un-important thing you do from you schedule today, filling it only with goal oriented actions. This will set yourself up for failure - no matter how good you might think you are. Put together a plan of action with interim steps and move on them, one step at a time.

Action Expresses Priorities

“Action expresses priorities.”
Mahatma Ghandi

Funny thing happens on the way to becoming who we want to be, whether we like it or not, your actions are defined by our priorities - our goals. So, if you want to know how you feel about something, just look at how much time you have been putting into it (or not putting into it).

When you are focused on something and thinking about it consciously, your actions reflect the importance of it. But if the goal is a new one, or a major change to your past desires / priorities, then when you aren't consciously thinking about it, quite often, you unconsciously drift back into the priorities of your past - priorities and thus actions that help maintain the status quo.

Often when talking to clients, they will tell me something is very important to them - that they want to make it happen in their lives. But when I ask them what they are doing about it, or how much time they are spending on it, they begin to realize how little their commitment really is to it.

As an example, this Blog is a MAJOR priority to me. But recently, I have to admit, I have not been giving the time necessary to make it happen - every day. My actions have been focused on other things - other priorities. I have unconsciously, pushed this blog lower on my priority list, and it shows - both in actions and results.

The more you can keep your conscious mind focused on your priorities, the more likely your actions will follow - and thus so will results.

Don't get distracted by lower priorities items, that are easy - rather than the highest priorities in your life. Don't just say they are a priority - MAKE THEM A PRIORITY every day - and make sure your actions reflect it.

Bottom line . . . Focus on your priorities today . . . and your actions will follow.

Just Go For It!!!

Have you ever had a great idea for a business or a new product and then let it slip away?

Only to read about it 3 years later when someone else got rich actually bringing your great idea to the market.

It's a cliche we hear a lot. But in this case, it is so true.

If you believe in something, Just Go For It!!!

He Who Hesitates Is Lost

Unfortunately, if you are like many out there, you hesitate, get scared, over-analyze or simply say to yourself, it's just not worth it.

Well, if you want my opinion, that's an absolute crock. If you have the skills, knowledge and support to pull it off, then simply take the chance and go for it.

Don't Get Analysis Paralysis

According to many great leaders, don't wait for the 100% solution, it will almost always be too late. In fact GEN Colin Power (Ret), Former Secretary of State, actually felt that once you were about 70% confident of success, go with your instincts.

Too often when we get a great idea or we get a "wild hair", we sit back, and either over analyze or simply wait for "a sign" to tell us NOW is the time.

The truth is, you need to do your due diligence - figure out what you want to have happen, your steps to make it happen and then the possible hiccups that could get in the way, as well as potential unintended consequences. But once you have done that work, and you are reasonably confident in the outcome, then it's time to take action.

Share Your Idea Only With People You Trust

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you have a burgeoning idea, is to share it with the wrong people. When you aren't fully confident yourself in an idea, quite often sharing it too quickly or sharing with the wrong people can cause enormous, insurmountable damage. The reason this is so dangerous, is because when you are just beginning to believe in something new, your subconscious mind is often feeding your conscious mind negative inputs trying to maintain the status quo, so when you get a reflection of those inputs from outside sources, your conscious mind is very susceptible to believing them.

Find A Way To Take The First Step

One of the ways to avoid falling into the trap of hesitation / analysis paralysis or getting stifled by sharing with the wrong person too quickly, is to take the first step. This means commit some time, money, and / or energy to the project to get it moving forward. Make the first step be something that you can both feel good about and is going to generate a feeling of commitment that will force you to stick to it.

But the bottom line, when it comes to turning great ideas into reality, JUST GO FOR IT!!!

Make Goals Actionable!

One of the key jobs of a leader is to both define the vision of an organization and to help set it's goals. Unfortunately, though, most goals set by leaders lack "Action-ability" for those whose responsibility it is to make the goals a reality.

That is to say that the goals set by leadership are great organizational goals, but the lower ranks of the organization, the employees, struggle understanding how THEIR actions can and will help achieve the goals.

So, along with the setting large "top level" goals that drive the organization in the direction it needs to go, great leaders also break down the big goals into action-able goals for each segment of the organization.

An Example From Naval Aviation

"On the average" there is at least one major accident / incident that either takes a Sailor's life or hurts him severely every time a Carrier Battle Group (the Aircraft Carrier and it's supporting entourage) prepares for and ships out for a 6-Month Deployment.

As such, to be inspirational and to change the "seemingly inevitable outcome", every Commanding Officer, preparing to deploy, sets a goal of NO Major Accidents and ZERO fatalities for the cycle. It is a very worthy goal - one that everybody on the crew can get behind.

Unfortunately, this goal lacks action-ability at the individual level.

The goal is intended to inspire the crew to "be safe" in everything they do. But too often, most sailors get a "salty" attitude after being at sea for a while that makes them think that it's not them that is going to get hurt, but instead SOMEONE else. "Salty Sailors" loose their focus on their own "personal" safety, believing the individuals that are going to get hurt or cause an accident are the "newbies" of the crew.

Although it is likely that the "green" crew members are most likely to be accident prone, on the flight deck of an Aircraft Carrier at sea, it only takes a second of inattention to detail and you could lose your life - flight deck ops are not age discriminate.

Unfortunately, very rarely is this goal of "NO Major Accidents and ZERO Fatalities" met.

As it turns out, in my last Squadron, I had one Skipper who refused to set that goal. In fact as a command (our squadron), we had no organizational-wide safety goals. He didn't like the idea of big goals, because he didn't feel that it was "actionable" by each person. Based on his experience, a command wide safety was TOO BIG, and left the average sailor dis-empowered to take action - putting all the burden on every one else.

Instead, for the deployment, he had every person in the squadron commit to setting a personal goal of coming home safely with no major injuries. He empowered each member of our squadron to achieve their own "personal" goal of a safe return . . . and it worked.

Think about it. By changing the goal from a command-wide goal to individual goals, each sailor felt ownership - could see how they were able to directly contribute to the goal.

Turn Your Larger Goals Into Action-able Plans

The truth is what my old Commanding Officer really did was put "actionability" into the bigger goal. And he did so by putting personal accountability into the process.

Large goals are important - they create eustress that draws your forward. But the when it comes to living each day, "Large Goals" are tough. It's often hard to decide what needs to be done each and every day, when the goals are "too big".

Doubling your sales and / or profits on a business level or wanting to lose 25 pounds within 1 year on a personal level is wonderful. But what does that mean you have to do TODAY.

When it comes living your goals, your "actionability" doesn't go any further than today. It doesn't do any good to worry about what you are going to do next week, next month or even tomorrow. TODAY is all you can affect.

Make sure that your goals are turned into actionable plans, that include small bite sized, manageable tasks that you can focus on and accomplish. And when you build your plan correctly, each small step you take, gets you a step closer to your Large Goal.

Bottom line - Focus your energy on what you CAN do today - the action-able little steps that make the big goals a reality over time.

Your List of Goals is NOT a To-Do List

What is the Difference between Goals and Actions (To-Do List)?

Simply stated Goals are the purpose toward which we direct our attention.

Actions (the things you have on a To-Do List) are the things you do to achieve your purpose (or goals).

Goals are what you desire to have or create, actions (your to-do list) are what you are going to do to create your goals.

- The essence of Goals is the answer to the question, "Why?"

- The essence of Actions is the answer to the questions, "What?" and"How?"

Would You Rather Vacation In Fargo or Cancun?

Truth is, all too often we live in a world of actions - and tell ourselves that we have goals. That's tantamount to deciding to deciding on going on vacation via a plane, without ever knowing where you want to go. Sure the plane might be the right choice, but then again, it might not.

Imagine if you decided to go on a vacation and just went to the airport and got on the first plane that had an open seat. Sure, you could end up in Cancun, where you would praise yourself for not wasting your time deciding where to go. But you could just as easily end up in Fargo, North Dakota (where you would blame the plane, not your lack of selecting a destination first).

Don't get me wrong, I love North Dakota, but it's NOT where I want to Vacation.

The airplane represents what we are going to do, but the Cancun and Fargo represent our goal. If we don't first choose our destination, we have little chance of really getting there.

In all honesty, as silly as this may sound for planning a vacation - it's just as silly for living your life.

STOP Picking WHAT and HOW First - Instead Pick WHY - The WHAT and HOW Can Follow

Everyday we ask ourselves the question, "What do I need to get done today?" (what is the mode of transportation?). But how many people really ask themselves "why they need to get those things done?" (where do I want to go?).

Unfortunately, in today's fast paced world this becomes a bigger and bigger problem. Each day, we pile on more actions that need to be done - but very rarely do we actually slow down long enough to figure out why they are doing them - or even if there are better ways of doing them.

I believe that when you establish Goals and face them everyday, your Goals drive your Actions - and this leads to you achieving the life you want to create. But, if you haven't defined your goals, you end up taking Actions with no real intent, then you will end up getting whatever LIFE decides to give to you.

The first key to creating the life you want - is first deciding what it is you want.

If you want to change your life, stop focusing on changing your actions (your to-do list). Instead, start by defining your goals. Only then will you be able to figure out which actions need to be done, which ones don't and, of course, which new ones need to be added to the list.

Finally, here are some 5 easy steps to Making Your Goals Drive Your Actions:

- Start simple - make a small list of short term goals (1 week to 1 month).

- Figure out what you need to make those goals happen - make your to-do list.

- Everyday, before you start working on your to-do list, review and concentrate on your goals - empower yourself with purpose.

- Periodically review your goals and make sure that your actions (your to-do list) are actually leading you toward your goals . . . or not

- Make changes as you need to make to your to-do list to stay on track with your goals - but don't change your goals.

Good luck. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at coach.jj@impossiblefutures.com.

How Far Will You Go To Fulfill Your Dreams?

I have found that most people truly believe they are committed to their goals and their dreams. They wake up every morning, believing they are doing everything possible to make their life what they want it to be. And they see that it's just their circumstance that is holding them back: they had a tough life growing up, the economy is sluggish, their parents didn't support their dreams, their boss is a jerk, etc. (I could go on for pages).

The truth is, these are not the reasons they are not achieving their goals - they are just the excuses they create to forgive themselves for giving up – for giving in.

It doesn't matter who you are. . . . excuses permeate the mind - but overcoming them (or not) is the difference between Success or Failure.

Never, Never, Never, Never Give Up!

Winston Churchill

What Are You Willing To Do To Overcome Your Excuses?

I recently read that psychologists measure commitment by the steps taken in the face of adversity.

So how committed are you?

Are you willing to do whatever it takes, in the face of the smallest (or even the largest) adversity to achieve what you want?

When the times get tough, to you accept that circumstances are just not favorable or that it's “just not in the cards”?

I don't care who you are and what your goals and dreams are . . . in today's world, in today's environment, you can accomplish whatever you set you mind out to do. But you have to be willing to accept that there will be adversity – it's a part of life. And more importantly, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to overcome it when it hits.

Facing The Truth About The Commitment To Your Goals

One of the most difficult tasks a coach has to do with a client is “enlightening” them to how "uncommitted" they are to their goals and objectives. Sure it's easy to tell someone they aren't doing what they could be doing to change their circumstance, but actually getting them to understand and accept it deep enough in their subconscious to act upon it requires more than just stating facts. It often requires overturning truths that they hold very dearly – the truths that have defined who they are up to that point in their life.

Quite often, it's not a matter of a lack of desire that prevents most from achieving their vision. Desires / and wants are bountiful in everyone's life. Instead, most people fall short because they don't possess a commitment to do whatever it takes to overcome their current reality – it's just easier to give in than to fight.

And too often people confuse doing what they know how to do, what is easy to do, and what is comfortable to do, with doing everything possible under the sun.

Opening Your Eyes To Your Own Story

Convincing someone they lack resolve is not easy. We all have a story that we tell ourselves that supports our self-image. We have created a a mental support structure of built-in excuses that we apply to all the circumstances we encounter to further support that story about us.

Facing the truth about “our story” is not easy. It requires hard evidence. People must see for themselves how their story is actually preventing them from higher levels of commitment – preventing them from achieving their goals.

That means that they not only have to see that they aren't fulfilling their goals, but also that it was their choices, at each crossroads of life that got them where they are today – not the circumstances that surrounded their lives.

This is a difficult task. You see, most people are pretty good at seeing that they aren't achieving their goals. But very few actually admit to themselves that it wasn't the circumstance that caused the failure - but their own actions / inactions.

Instead of blaming circumstances, they need to take responsibility for the actions and their choices.

Instead of quitting in the face of adversity, they need to embrace the challenge and ratchet up their commitment to turn the situation around in their favor.

Instead of seeing problems that pop-up preventing them from achieving their goals, find solutions that turn the problem into a new opportunity.

Take This Opportunity To Ask, “What Is My Story?”

How committed am I?

Have I done everything I can to make my dreams come true, or do I just make excuses for myself?

And most importantly, now that you are armed with this knowledge, what are you going to do differently to overcome the adversity that is inevitable in the pursuit of any worthy goal?

Need To Reach Your Goals? Read Your E-Mail

In next week's Time Magazine, Dr. Sunjay Gupta, published an article, Too Fat? Read Your E-Mail, about the positive influence of daily / regular reminders in helping people eat healthier - keeping people on track to what they want to accomplish.

The article was based on a study published in the June issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine and found dramatic improvements on the fulfillment of health goals of a study group as compared to their control group.

It turns out that with weekly plus reminders, the targeted groupd increased their exercise regimen by an hour a week, reduced their consumption of saturated and trans fats by more than 1 gram / day, and increased their fruit / vegetable intake by 1/3 cup over the control group.

The truth is, the effects aren't limited to just health improvements.

These email reminders can work to support the accomplishment of any goal - health, professional, monetary, business, or personal. It doesn't matter the goal, what matters is how daily interaction with them affects the way you think and act.

Goals drive you actions! And the more you are thinking about your goals, the more likely it is that you will take the actions you need / must take to accomplish them. In this study, it was shown to work with health related goals -and specifically target emails to keep you focused, but over the course of the past 5 months, I have watched it work as well with personal, business, life, health, and even career goals.

If you are interested in finding out more about the effects of regular emails - that remind you about your goals as well as provide support and advice every day, please contact us at coach@impossiblefutures.com.

Push Yourself To Leverage The Power of Positive Stress

Let's face it, setting goals and trying to achieve them causes stress - and it's usually stress we can handle. . . most of the time. And so, we take on more and more every day, not realizing the toll it's taking on us, until it's too late. The stress stops being a positive influence on our lives and begins to destroy the very thing we are striving to achieve.

At first it feels good - you are making things happen and completing your goals. You feel good about yourself and the energy it brings to you. Unfortunately, it's very easy to push yourself too hard and too fast to achieve what you want - because you want everything . . . right now. And by going too far, we almost always end up losing all the gains we made in the first place.

So the key is to set goals that drive you forward, but not so fast that you can't handle the stress and that pace.

The Difference Between Eustress and Distress

The difference between your current reality, your day-to-day life, and your dreams causes stress - good stress (eustress). It is this stress that drives you forward to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true. It causes you to take actions and do the things that you must do, to change your current reality.

Eustress is a good thing. But as we know, too much of any "good thing" always turns bad.

When we push ourselves too hard, or a crisis comes up that we didn't anticipate, that eustress can quickly turn into distress (the bad stress in our lives) - the stress that comes from feelings of inadequacy, overburden, and failure.

While eustress will give you the energy every day to make your dreams come true - when you feel distress, it is destructive. You will do just about anything to make it go away. Change the condition that is creating it - as fast as you can.

What Happens When Good Turns To Bad

Without constant monitoring and self awareness, it is very easy to push yourself over the top and go from the positive of eustress to the destructive of distress.

When this happens, it's important to make a decision - either work through the distress, knowing it's short lived, or relieve it. In order to relieve the "distress" caused by chasing your goals and dreams, you have two options:

1. Change your current reality and make your dreams come true

2. Change your goal to ease the stress.

So, do you really have a choice? Not really - because you CAN NOT change current reality. Life, right this minute, is what it is. It takes time to change your current reality. It takes daily action and focus over time to change your current reality.

However, you can change your goals, making them easier to achieve or removing them completely from your life. Literally, you remove the stress, by eliminating what you want from your life - because it's easier (less stressful to live without the pressure of growth burdening you with pressure to perform.

Unfortunately, that is exactly what most people do. They simply lower their goals and begin down the dark side of life - a life void of drive / personal development.

When you lower your goals and ease your stress, you give up on living.

Think about this as you go through you day, today. Is the stress you are feeling, eustress or distress? It is a fine line - even when it's coming from your efforts to achieve your goals. You want create enough stress that you feel uncomfortable being where you are, but not so much that you give up or breakdown.

Your goals will drive your actions moving forward. There will be days when you push yourself too hard. And others when you barely push at all.

Be the Willow, not the Oak when Dealing with Stress

The key to growing day-to-day is to first being honest with yourself with where you are - your current reality. And then setting and analyzing your goals each and every day. When unforeseen, uncontrollable events begin to build up, and the eustress goes over the edge, you have crossed a threshold that you must reign in. Either you power your way through it (because you know its short lived) or you make some adjustments to your goals. Be a Willow Tree here not an Oak Tree (bend but don't break). Stick to your goals, but give yourself a little more time or energy to make them happen - be flexible enough to allow yourself to keep moving forward.

Push yourself - but do it in a healthy way.

The truth is if you land in the "world of Distress" too long, not only will you not reach your goals on time, but will most likely give up on them completely.

I'm sure you can even tell me of times when you broke the threshold of eustress to distress. And may have even broken it recently a bit. That's ok - you need to know where the threshold is - but make sure you come back quick.

Come back and give yourself room - to bend like the willow in the wind - is very important.

What's amazing about life though, is the more eustress you can handle and work with today - the more capable you are of increasing that in the future (you adapt and grow). It's like a muscle that grows stronger with exercise. But there will always be a threshold - be careful and make sure you have a system (often times an objective outside observer) to remind you to bend / not break when you get to close.

Stay on Track

According to Coach Tom Landry (Cowboys Football coach from 1960-1988), coaching is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, so they can be who they want to be.

As a Business Coach, I tell people, current and perspective clients, that there isn't anything that I can tell them that they can't find somewhere else - either on the internet, in a book, through hiring a consultant or going back to school. Unfortunately, most people simply don't do what they know they should do, because they tend to forget why they are doing it. They end up spending nearly all their time thinking how they are going to survive today, and forget that they actually had a dream they were trying to accomplish when they set out on the adventure of business ownership.

It seems to me that it is common knowledge that if you start a business, you need a Business Plan. But yet 80% of all small businesses in America operate without a Business Plan, or any strategy at all. Sure, they may have written one when they started, so they could get a loan from a bank. But, once they got their loan, they have never looked at it again. They normally just run and make it all about doing, doing, doing - never stopping to figure out if they are on the path to achieving what they want.

So, let's stop and think for just one minute - that is if you are a Small Business Owner. It's the middle of 2009. And you only have half the year left to reach your annual goals. What are your goals for the year? What do you want your business to be when you celebrate the beginning of 2010?

These are not trivial questions!!! Nearly (*) every great accomplishment in life has occurred because some ONE followed nearly exactly these steps, of which setting goals is the first and most important:
- Envisioned it occurring, creating the goal
- Figured out a plan on how to achieve it
- Set down a planned path to achieve it
- Ran into roadblocks along the way
- Modified the plan to correct for things they hadn't foreseen
- Repeatedly corrected their plan until they reached their goal.

There is nothing magical about it - it just takes fortitude and the ability to adjust the plan when things don't exactly as go you thought they would. Because they NEVER will.

So rather than just surviving, go out and make your goals a reality. And then the key is to STAY ON TRACK!

(*) I say nearly every great accomplishment because someone will always throw Sir Alexander Fleming's name out there because he accidentally discovered penicillin. But it was his goal to discover a way to kill bacteria - penicillin was an accident, but finding the most effective substance for killing bacteria was NOT!

If you could have any one thing in life that you wanted . . . what would it be?

If you could have any one thing in life that you wanted . . . what would it be?

Sounds like what the Genie asked Aladdin when he rubbed the lamp, doesn't it? But what if it wasn't just a fabled story, and you could actually have anything you wanted. What would you want?

And what if I told you that you could have it, but . . . there was a catch. You would have to be WILLING to give up what you have today - everything you know and love.

Would you do it?

Note, I didn't say you had to give up everything you had right now - just had to be willing to. You may have to give it all up. But then again, you may not. The key is the willingness to let go - the openness for the opportunity of growth.

You see, it's all within your power and your reach . . . the ability to have anything you can dream of. That no lie - and I'm not selling anything. But for most people the fear of the unknown - not knowing what that life may leave them with - is enough to prevent them from actually doing what they need to do.

Believe it or not . . . we experience this many times in our childhood. But we don't hesitate, because, the draw forward is stronger than the chains holding us back.

The first time a baby walks, he is willing to give up the security of crawling, just to be more like Mom and Dad.

Same thing happens when he becomes potty trained - as much as he wants to be more grown up, he also loves to be a baby.

And when you go to school for the first time, you venture into a world that you've dreamed about often for years, but with absolute fear, because you know there is no turning back.

And your first kiss - life as you know it is over. Whether you realize it at the moment or not, as you put your arm around someone else for the first time to give them a passionate kiss, there is no turning back - but you are ok with that, because it's time to grow up - to become more adult.

Throughout our lives we face these decisions - we face growing up and moving forward, or forever staying where we are. In each of these examples, you were willing to give up what you had for the hope of something better. Some of the changes are small, and others are large. But don't kid yourself, with each step, you lose a little bit of who you were to become who you are going to be.

But all too often, as adults, we get stuck. We stop moving forward and get complacent - not willing to give up anything to even grow a little bit. All we want is security in life - which quite honestly, isn't life at all.

The essence of who we are, as humans, is growth. More than anyone else, we have the ability to see our surroundings, find the flaws and "try" to improve on them. But alas, many of us struggle at the idea of growth - not sure what we would have to give up, if we go down that path. Literally the fear of what we might lose, prevents us from actually getting what we want.

So let me ask you . . .

- Would you give up watching American Idol or The Biggest Loser to have your Masters Degree and eventually a better paying job, higher salary, and more personal flexibility?

- Would you be willing to give up one and a half slices of bread per day for ever to cut one pound from your diet every month for the rest of your life?

- Would you give up job security and a guaranteed pay check every other week to pursue your dreams - even if that meant getting a smaller house, a smaller car, and eating out less, knowing that you might make 10x what you make now?

These are just a few questions that I can think of - but the truth is, there are a million things we must be WILLING to "give-up" if we want our dreams come true, so the most important two questions of all are:

What do you want your life to be?

What are you willing to do / give up to make that come true?

When you are WILLING to give up everything - literally everything is possible!

Take Advantage of Opportunities but Maintain Discipline

The most successful businesses maintain focus on their core mission and how it serves their clients. Your core business should be a combination of what you do best, what you are most passionate about and what pays the bills and makes you lots of profit. When opportunity comes knocking, and it will, you must have the discipline to make sure that it is aligned with your core mission and your strategic vision before you jump on it - always think carefully before you commit your company resources to what may turn out to be a costly endeavor that takes your time, money and assets from what you do best.

Unbelievably sage advice that is easier said than done.

Everyday, business owners are bombarded with "opportunities" that will make them "more money". And since owning a business is about making money, most small business owners jump at the opportunities.

Although these opportunities may appear to benefit the company in the near-term, they often distract us and stretch us so thin that we begin to deviate from the path that we set out on - the path to our vision.

This is why we should always work hard at the beginning stages of creating a business to build a strong foundation. And it's why in my coaching practice, I spend the entire first month working with my clients to help them understand the importance of Mission, Vision, Commitments and long-term Goals.

As it turns out, at least once a week, I have a client, either in a coaching session or over the phone, ask me if an opportunity that has "popped-up" is worth pursuing. They ask me, as if I have the answers for them. And much to their dismay, I often answer their question with more questions - the same questions every time.

How does that fit into your Mission, Vision and Commitments?

How will it help you reach your Goals?

How does that fit into your Business Plan?

And it's funny, even though they knew that's what I was going to say and they knew my answer before the words come out of my lips, they had to ask. They just needed to be reminded of what the are really trying to do - they needed to be reminded of what their Goals are and what their current plan is to reach those goals.

It's not that they don't or shouldn't pursue new opportunities, it's just that by staying focused on their long-term goals and vision and not being distracted by every "short-term" opportunity that comes up, they will actually always be working towards reaching the goals that they set out on - whether the journey started yesterday, six months ago or ten years ago.

And it's not to say that you can't redefine what you are about and take on opportunities that come up. I would never advise a client to turn down an opportunity. But they need to look at the decision - not within the context of what it will bring into the company today, but instead what it will do to help and cost the company in the long term.

Discipline and focus are very difficult for most of us. They don't come easy, because they are usually lost in everyday life. Simply stated, we forget about the future and focus only on the present (or near-term future). But, it is those that are able to keep the long term in the fore front of their mind that seem most equipped to actually make it happen.

So stop and look around at those that are most successful in every walk of life - sports, business, music, art, and school. They are nearly always the ones who seem to stay more focused on the outcome, even the in face of every day distractions. They don't compromise their vision to accomplish their long term goals for short term gain - no matter how inviting it is.

So ask yourself the following questions:

- How disciplined are you?

- How focused on your goals are you?

- If you are easily distracted from what you want in the long term, what are you
going to do different tomorrow?
© Copyright,

Reach For Your Goals And Celebrate The Process Every Day

I harp a lot on "Goal-Setting". I help my each of clients set goals so that they are defining their future, instead of letting it happen to them. However, it takes more than just goals to help you get through the everyday - it also requires creating a process to reach that goal that you LOVE - that inspires you to get up every day and live each day like it will be your last.

The truth is "results" don't just happen - like they are the product of some magical beans thrown into the garden. They don't show up on your doorstep or in your mailbox, just because you wished for them. And frankly, they rarely come if that's all you focus on. Sure you need to keep your goals in mind to keep "moving forward", but in order to live a life of happiness and truly create the world that you want, you have to celebrate the process, each and everyday. Because if you don't, you, most likely, will not have the fortitude to stick to it when things get tough.

And believe me, the one thing that I have found that you can count on is that things WILL get tough.

I don't care if you WANT to run a marathon with all the desire in the world more than anything else you've ever wanted in your life. If you don't celebrate the process of running daily, there is only a slim chance that you'll ever run in one. It's just too hard and takes WAY too much time and effort.

First you have to learn how to run 1 mile, then 2 miles, and eventually then 3 miles. But the numbers don't keep going up every day. Most trainers will have you run 3 miles for a couple weeks, adding in a 4th mile occasionally, as you build strength and stamina. Eventually, you find your way to 5 miles, 6 miles and even all the way to 10 miles.

Frankly, it's a slow and arduous process that you have to endure if you want to run a marathon. And you have to decide that running is something that you like and / or want to to do - nearly every day, or you aren't going to make it.

Life is no different. There are no short cuts - it's all about the day-to-day process. I don't care who you are. If you don't live in the moment, enjoying the process then the reward will never be enough to pull you there.

"Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."
John Lennon

In life, as in the marathon example I use, you can do the things that you don't like to do for a couple weeks - and maybe even a couple months. But if you can't find joy in every day life somehow - if you can't find a way to enjoy the process of living every day - then you will either live a life without joy (which, in my opinion, isn't living at all) or you will give up on the process. Either way, you won't be happy.

"Retirement" seems to be the panacea for many every-day Americans, around which they plan their whole life. They endure what they hate today, so they can save and live for "someday". It is the "ultimate goal in life" for people all over our country - because they don't believe they can enjoy the process. And they believe that they only thing they can do is live for the tomorrow.

But look around, there are no guarantees in the future. How many people were living the last 40 years, saving everything they had, to live for right now - only to arrive in the here and now with nothing left? And that's assuming that you even have your health when you get to that stage of your life and can even enjoy the fruits of your labor.

About a week ago, I wrote an article about Passion, "Being Great in Life is about Pursuing Your Passion", in the hopes of inspiring people to pursue what matters and excites them. Now, I'm suggesting the same thing, but with a slightly different spin.

Living your passion isn't just about being great, it's also about living the life that you were meant to live. Life is not something to be endured, struggled through or hated. It is a gift - like no other. Each second you have on this earth is a blessing that should be cherished.

So as you set your goals and make plans for your future, recognize this. You might endure a little pain now and again, doing things that you know you must do, are afraid to do, or don't know how to do, BUT, if you don't find a way to make the process fun, to invoke your passion in the process, there is a finite limit to how long you can endure that pain. You will either quit it because it's too painful or you will sabotage your efforts, preventing any kind of happiness you were trying to achieve in the first place.

To achieve real success in life,
you must always be striving to reach your goals,
but celebrate the process!

Seven Steps To Making Your Goals A Reality

Why do some succeed at reaching their goals and others don't? This is a question that has plagued the less fortunate for centuries.

After watching some succeed and others fail for most of my life, including more than 20 years in the Navy and now nearly 3 years as a Business Coach, I've put together some simple steps to help you reach your goals - Seven to be Exact!

1. Set SMART goals and write them down. Be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Reasonable, and Timely. “Working out more” is not a good resolution. Nor are “lose 20 lbs”, “spend more time with my kids” or even “make my wife happy” - as much as she will tell you that it's the best one there is.

What are you going to do to work out more? How are you going to measure it? By when do you want to lose 20 lbs? How much time do you want to spend with you kids? How often?

As important as it is to set goals, they need to be goals that you can measure, you can reach and ones that have a time line – a call to action.

Instead of “working out more” you might set the goal to create a habit of exercising at least 30 minutes every day by April. Or instead of “losing 20 lbs”, you might set the goal of changing your daily eating habits to only eat 2000 calories per day on the average while burning 2500 calories by March 1st.

Will these goals result in what you are trying to do? Absolutely. But more importantly, they call you to action right now and give you something realistic every day that you can shoot for to get to where you want to be.

And once you set your goals, never waiver! It's too easy to compromise and it costs too much. Once you gone done the path of compromise, you might as well start all over.

2. Be brutally honest with yourself. There are two things that you need to keep in your mind at all times – first is your goal or vision (step one). The other is the truth about “what is” – an honest assessment of the current situation.

For many, this can be the hardest thing – not because they don't look at current reality – but because they don't see it truthfully, and because they don't take responsibility for their participation in it.

You see, what drives you to reach your goals is the tension (stress) created from the gap between your current situation and your goals. The bigger the gap, the more stress on you, the harder you try to shrink that gap. But if you aren't truthful about the current situation, then you lessen the tension and stress that is the driving force for you to take action. And you reduce the likelihood to do what is necessary to reach your goals.

Tell me if you have ever heard this voice inside your head before, “I've done really well this week. I worked out a couple of times – not as much as I had planned, but better than I used to do. Eating one more spoonful of pasta isn't going to break me. I'll just make it up tomorrow.” To be brutally honest, I've heard it many times. And it was usually the beginning of the end of my commitment. It's not that I was intentionally lying to myself, but I certainly wasn't facing reality.

And I certainly didn't make up for it the next day.

3. Create a game plan that includes small measurable steps that you can take every day. Most resolutions are life-changing – and life changing habits don't happen overnight for most of us. They start as small changes to your daily lifestyle, that create huge changes over time.

So, the best thing you can do is to start small – something you can do every day and don't expect miracles from yourself. It can't be so grand that you burn yourself out the very first week, but keeps you moving forward. The key is building momentum. And even if all you can manage is a small improvement, if you do it every day, it will make a huge change in your life. Take that extra small thing you do every day and then multiply it by 365 days a year. You may be surprised at the results.

Carrying the “work out” goal forward. Don't try to start working out every day from the very beginning. You are setting yourself up for failure and you know you will quit in no time. Instead, throttle back your exuberance the first week. Plan to work out twice a week. But on the days that you aren't working out, give yourself five additional minutes when you go to work in the morning. Park the car in the furthest parking spot available and commit to walking into the office, then walk up the stairs instead of using the elevator. It doesn't sound like much, but if you do something everyday you are teaching yourself commitment that will carry forward in the weeks and months ahead.

4. Figure out why you haven't done so well in accomplishing your goals in the past
and plan a way to avoid those same mistakes. Most people think they learn from their mistakes – but few actually do. If they did, they would all eat better, work-out regularly, have no relationship problems and probably make a whole lot more money. So, how good are you at honestly and objectively assessing your past mistakes?

You don't have to be great, you just have to be honest with yourself. And believe it or not, it always comes back to one thing – You.

Look at what you wanted last time and try to see exactly when you stopped taking responsibility for making it happen.

Life will get in the way of your goals – ALWAYS! There will be one or more reasons everyday not to do what you committed to do – those reasons are very real. But it is your choice to overcome them or allow them to become excuses. Expect everything to go wrong in the process. And commit yourself to do whatever it takes to continue anyway.

The best way to overcome this is to list the potential life problems you have had in the past and figure out a way to empower yourself to overcome them. By facing the problems that could arise, you will be armed to preempt them as the come up.

5. Find an accountability partner who will be more committed to your goal than you will. When you enlist someone else to commit to helping you reach your goal or live within your resolution – everyday – you’ll feel accountable to that person. That accountability to someone else, having to report daily progress, will drive you in ways that you haven't felt before.

That person shouldn't be your spouse, or another close loved one whose help may turn into nagging, because of the personal nature of your relationship. Because there will be days when you need their support to be brutal and forthright. Even in the best relationships, this can cause tension that doesn't need to be there. Take a lesson from the mistakes of hundreds, if not thousands before you, and enroll someone whom you trust, but don't have an exceptionally close relationship with.

Your accountability partner should expect a daily report. And you should feel obliged to give it. That person should be able to call you to action, when you are at your lowest motivational point, and cheer you on when you are on top of your game. Marshall Goldsmith, an Executive Coach who has helped hundreds of Senior Executives in Fortune 500 companies, talks about a friend of his that he calls every night. No matter where he is in the world on business, his friend listens to what he got done that day, how well it went and what he intends to do the next day. And he does the same for his friend.

6. Don’t make excuses, except in truly rare circumstances. As I said before, in the real world, life gets in the way. Life is the reason we are where we are today – have the health and wealth we have today. Life is the reason we give ourselves for not sticking with our commitments. But remember,

If you want different results than those you have always gotten,
then you have to do something that you've NEVER done before.

There will be days that you won’t be able to meet your daily goal – whether its walking for 30 minutes, eating less than 2000 calories or spending at least 30 minutes of alone time with your kids. There will be exceptional situations, but the key is to make sure they really are exceptional.
Don’t make excuses for reneging on your resolution or goals. There are no excuses, only facts. And the fact is that you keep your resolution, because it’s part of who you are.

7. Have a reward picked out for reaching your goal – even for small steps along the way. One of the biggest reasons people fail to change the way they do things is that they fail to “reward” themselves for actually accomplishing new things or creating a new behavior.

As complicated as our personality make-up can be, we are really very simple creatures in many respects. When it comes to learning new behaviors, we like to be rewarded when we do good!
Most people set goals like “Lose 15 lbs by June so that I don't feel like a fat slob when I go on vacation.” This type of reward, avoidance of the negative outcome, is rarely successful. In fact, it often creates the undesirable state, because it is what your mind focuses on.

Instead, change your goals to be “Lose 15 lbs by June so that I look hot in my new bathing suit – that I'm gonna buy for myself, when, and only when I reach my goal. Price is no issue - the sky's the limit.”

Think about it, how do you respond better to your wife or to your boss – praise every time you do something good or yelling every time you do something wrong? Which makes you want to do the right thing more next time? Doing things for yourself is no different.

Ask Yourself 'Why am I doing this?' - The Secret to Over Coming Self-Sabotage

If we do what we've always done, then we will get what we've always gotten.

Is that what you want - to continue to have what you have right now?

Are you happy with where you are?

Would you like something better?

Do you keep trying to do something different and somehow sabotage yourself every time - long before you ever get it?

Truth is, we rarely question our actions - consciously. We do what we do, because that's what we do - or have always done. You woke up this morning most likely at the time you woke up yesterday morning. You went downstairs, had a cup of coffee, maybe a cigarette, and countless other habits - because you did them yesterday . . . and the day before . . . and the day before that.

That's what a habit is.

So let me ask you, "Why are you doing these things?"

Do you want to?

Do you mean to?

Are these things helping you reach your goals?

If the answer is yes - then keep doing them. And don't sweat it.

But if you don't know why you are doing them, except to just do them, then I challenge you to stop doing them . . . and start doing something that will help you achieve your goals.

Every client I work with, before we do anything else, I ask them to sit down and figure out what they want - what they want for their business as well as their personal life - to include taking care of themselves and those that they care most about. It is a struggle sometimes, but most pick it up eventually and actually begin to embrace the idea that they can create the life they choose.

That's the easy part.

Next I ask them to start looking at what they do each and every day, and figure out how those things either directly or indirectly contribute to their goals - to their happiness or what ever it is they want from their life. This can be tough, but once you do it a couple times, you begin to look at everything you do, a little bit differently.

Now, it's not to say that you can't or shouldn't do things that have no purpose or that can't be tied to a goal. In fact quite the opposite is true. It's always nice to have some things that you just do . . . because.

However, most people have unconscious goals - goals that are driving their actions each and every day "unconsciously". The idea here is to help you figure out what you are doing and why you are doing it so that you may actually begin to control it at a conscious level and start living the life you want - as opposed to the life that just seems to be happening to you.

Literally, I ask my clients to think about their actions - before they do them. I don't ask them because I think they should change what they are doing - that is their choice. I do, however, ask them so they can choose behaviors (or not) that will result in the life that they say they want consciously instead of always doing what they've always done and continuing to get what they have always gotten - unconsciously. It is about starting to figure out how and why each of their actions are either taking them closer to or further from their goals.

For example, if one of your goals (life time goals) is to show your wife how much you love her, then it's very easy to see a direct correlation between buying her flowers and taking her out to dinner to that goal.

But what if you don't have a goal to make sure she knows how much you love her? What if you are just buying the flowers for the sake of buying the flowers? Or what if you are dong it to make up for a fight that you had with her last night?

"Why" doesn't matter! I don't care why you do things. However "understanding why" you are doing things does matter! And the difference is profound.

"Understanding Why" matters because it isn't until you understand why you take actions, that will be able to take control of the action and change it into something better - to help you achieve your goal faster . . . more efficiently . . . or more effectively.

Think about it. . . spend some time today, tomorrow, and the next day and think about what it is that you are doing, and why you are doing it.

Are you doing it for no reason? If so, then ask yourself, "Why do I keep wasting my time and energy on this?"

Are you doing it to achieve a conscious goal - a goal that you are fully aware of? Great. That's what you want! And then ask yourself, "Is this the best way to work towards achieving my goal, or is there something else I could be doing?"

Or are you doing it to achieve an unconscious goal, like maintaining the "status quo" - a goal that you really don't want but it has always been what you did so you keep on doing it? If so, then ask yourself, "Is there any reason that I can't give this up - it isn't helping me achieve what I really want?"

In these questions are the answers to taking control of your future and over coming self-sabotage. They questions may feel simple . . . but the answers may be more difficult to face than you think.

The Difference is DOING!

There are people that will tell you that you need more knowledge or more money before you can start to pursue your dreams.

Sad thing is that we believe them.

And because of that, all too often, we give up our dreams long before we ever took a single step to achieve them. We see the enormous list of things that must be accomplished before we can have what we want and we freeze in our tracks - unable to take even the very first simple step or the journey.

It just doesn't need to be that hard.

From every story I can find about great people throughout history, their journeys all started with a small step - followed by another, and yet another. In fact they would all tell you that their greatness wasn't in the result of their lives - it was the daily practice of creating it - in LIVING EVERY DAY.

Sometimes the daily steps are in the right direction - sometimes they're not. Sometimes you will stumble and even get lost for days, weeks or even years of your life. And when you stop and re-focus, you find your way back to your vision.

However, this I know for sure, if you focus on what you want - EVERY DAY - and commit to taking one small step each day that will move you closer to those goals, you will get there. You can't help but get there. It may take your entire lifetime, but you will get what you want. And more importantly you will have lived the life that you choose - each day of your journey. And for that you will have achieved true greatness.

So rather than coming up with the million reasons not to take the first step, or the second. Just take it. Just live your life by DOING what you can today!

And start the process anew tomorrow.