Tuesday, April 19, 2011

What Are You Hoping To Achieve?

A funny thing often happens when you try to win an argument with a partner or stakeholder in your business - you often win the battle and lose the war.

The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress

Next time you find yourself in an argument, stop and ask yourself why am I fighting? What do I hope to gain from this fight?

Why Am I Fighting?

Is it to improve the situation? I doubt it, because more times than not, an argument only causes more rifts in a relationship.

Is it because you are trying to find the best solution for the given situation? Also usually not the case.

Or is it because you have attached winning to your pride and you know that you are right?


Winning isn't about being right. Instead, winning is usually about achieving what you want to achieve - creating the outcome you desire. But, because when we argue, we let emotions drive our actions, instead of our mind, we forget what we want and end up losing not only what we want, but also put a barrier between you and the person or people you are trying to work with.

When we argue, we become sidetracked from what we set out to achieve and end up wanting only to win.

Ground Yourself in What You Want

So when you find yourself wanting more to win than anything else, wanting to prove the other person wrong no matter what, or just forgetting what caused the argument to begin with, STOP. Take a breath. And figure out what you really want long term, not just to win the argument.

Do you want the other person to feel hurt or wrong? Really, do you? Is that what you set out to achieve or is it just going to make you feel better?

Do you want to win, or would you like to find the solution that is best . . . for both of you? And, of course, will keep your relationship strong and intact?

It's not always easy to think clearly and calmly, when emotions start to flare. But the individual that can stay focused on what they want - what they want to achieve - will always end up on the winning side of any argument.

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