If You Weren't Sure What Self-Sabotage Looked Like?

Funny Where The Lessons In Life Come From

A friend shared a video with me the other day that is both absolutely hysterical and educational - with lots of lessons from a coaching perspective.

There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs with many people who decide to “change” their life for the better. They commit very deeply to the process of change – truly believing they will do what ever it takes to make the change become permanent. But just as they are about to “break through” to the next level, they disengage from the process and go back to their old self.

Why is this? Why do they pull-back from change just as things are getting good?

Is it because they changed their minds and don't really believe in their goals anymore? Or because they don't think the process is working for them?

I don't think so!

Even though they may say and "feel" both of these things, I don't believe it to be true. In fact, I think that just the opposite is true. And the longer I coach, the more I see it happen.

You see, up until the point of backing down, most people actively participate in the change process at a conscious level. They make real decisions to be who they want to be. And they are very motivated.

Unfortunately though, change in the early stages isn't permanent - it's just surface changes. Real change takes time and requires a deeper commitment. It requires changing habit patterns which are subconscious thoughts - and these are not as easily changed.

Sure, they get close to making a real difference long term, but they never carry through because of an incredible strong drive to quit and / or destroy everything they've worked for up to this point. And it feels the longer they fight it, the stronger the feeling grows.

It is precisely at this point that they sabotage themselves with their own thought patterns. They begin to attack their own desires and destroy what they are actually working so hard to achieve.

From an outside perspective, it's easy to spot - we see it all the time with friends and family. But from a personal perspective, it's often quite a bit tougher to recognize. Literally we can't see our own self-deception and how we are undermining our own intentions.

That is until it's too late.

Watch A Real Example of Self-Sabotage!

This video is short and shows you an example of a dog that has the goal of eating a bone. Unfortunately though, one of his hind legs has different intentions . . . or so he thinks. So rather than chewing on the bone and doing what he wants to do, we find him attacking his own paw - driven so much by a fear that someone or something is going to try to take away the bone.

Literally, this poor dog ends up spending his time attacking his own fears than enjoying the pursuit of his goal.

Do you ever find yourself doing this?

Do you ever self-sabotage just as you are getting close to what you want?

There is nothing to fear about it . . . it happens to all of us. And the first step to working through the struggle is knowing it is happening. And remembering to stay focused on the goal, in spite of the voices that are trying to sabotage your desires.

Here is the video . . . enjoy. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=91132341921

Ask Yourself 'Why am I doing this?' - The Secret to Over Coming Self-Sabotage

If we do what we've always done, then we will get what we've always gotten.

Is that what you want - to continue to have what you have right now?

Are you happy with where you are?

Would you like something better?

Do you keep trying to do something different and somehow sabotage yourself every time - long before you ever get it?

Truth is, we rarely question our actions - consciously. We do what we do, because that's what we do - or have always done. You woke up this morning most likely at the time you woke up yesterday morning. You went downstairs, had a cup of coffee, maybe a cigarette, and countless other habits - because you did them yesterday . . . and the day before . . . and the day before that.

That's what a habit is.

So let me ask you, "Why are you doing these things?"

Do you want to?

Do you mean to?

Are these things helping you reach your goals?

If the answer is yes - then keep doing them. And don't sweat it.

But if you don't know why you are doing them, except to just do them, then I challenge you to stop doing them . . . and start doing something that will help you achieve your goals.

Every client I work with, before we do anything else, I ask them to sit down and figure out what they want - what they want for their business as well as their personal life - to include taking care of themselves and those that they care most about. It is a struggle sometimes, but most pick it up eventually and actually begin to embrace the idea that they can create the life they choose.

That's the easy part.

Next I ask them to start looking at what they do each and every day, and figure out how those things either directly or indirectly contribute to their goals - to their happiness or what ever it is they want from their life. This can be tough, but once you do it a couple times, you begin to look at everything you do, a little bit differently.

Now, it's not to say that you can't or shouldn't do things that have no purpose or that can't be tied to a goal. In fact quite the opposite is true. It's always nice to have some things that you just do . . . because.

However, most people have unconscious goals - goals that are driving their actions each and every day "unconsciously". The idea here is to help you figure out what you are doing and why you are doing it so that you may actually begin to control it at a conscious level and start living the life you want - as opposed to the life that just seems to be happening to you.

Literally, I ask my clients to think about their actions - before they do them. I don't ask them because I think they should change what they are doing - that is their choice. I do, however, ask them so they can choose behaviors (or not) that will result in the life that they say they want consciously instead of always doing what they've always done and continuing to get what they have always gotten - unconsciously. It is about starting to figure out how and why each of their actions are either taking them closer to or further from their goals.

For example, if one of your goals (life time goals) is to show your wife how much you love her, then it's very easy to see a direct correlation between buying her flowers and taking her out to dinner to that goal.

But what if you don't have a goal to make sure she knows how much you love her? What if you are just buying the flowers for the sake of buying the flowers? Or what if you are dong it to make up for a fight that you had with her last night?

"Why" doesn't matter! I don't care why you do things. However "understanding why" you are doing things does matter! And the difference is profound.

"Understanding Why" matters because it isn't until you understand why you take actions, that will be able to take control of the action and change it into something better - to help you achieve your goal faster . . . more efficiently . . . or more effectively.

Think about it. . . spend some time today, tomorrow, and the next day and think about what it is that you are doing, and why you are doing it.

Are you doing it for no reason? If so, then ask yourself, "Why do I keep wasting my time and energy on this?"

Are you doing it to achieve a conscious goal - a goal that you are fully aware of? Great. That's what you want! And then ask yourself, "Is this the best way to work towards achieving my goal, or is there something else I could be doing?"

Or are you doing it to achieve an unconscious goal, like maintaining the "status quo" - a goal that you really don't want but it has always been what you did so you keep on doing it? If so, then ask yourself, "Is there any reason that I can't give this up - it isn't helping me achieve what I really want?"

In these questions are the answers to taking control of your future and over coming self-sabotage. They questions may feel simple . . . but the answers may be more difficult to face than you think.