Leveraging The Talents of Moms (Part IV)

The past three days, I have walked you though different elements including: How Moms are An Untapped Marketing Resource, How the relationship can be a Win / Win for All Concerned, and how it is important to understand the uniqueness of being a Mom and that it's important to help them with A Balancing Act / Releasing the Guilt.

The final blog of this four part series, Leveraging The Talents of Moms, is about Flexibility and Support - what can be done to help Moms get themselves out into the workplace and what employers can do to help them become the best employees they can be.

So, to wrap up this series and blend all the ideas together, it is important to understand and apply the most important concept of all - Moms need flexibility and support.

For Business Owners:

As I have spoken about in the past couple days, life as a Mom is complicated - more so than the average "non-Mom". Rather than just caring for themselves, Moms are always caring and nurturing others - at a minimum, they are caring for their child(ren) and often their husband.

They give and give, and quite often get little in return.

Let's face it, as I spoke about in part three, you, as a business owner / employer play second fiddle to Mom's first priority - her kids. But that doesn't mean that she can't give you as much if not more than anyone else. In fact, I have found it is exactly her commitment to her children that makes her such a wonderful asset to any business.

However, there is a cost. That cost is that you should build into your business model flexibility and support for the Moms on your staff - and the returns you gather from it will be amazing.

What does this mean:

- Plan ahead - This applies with just about any employee, but more so with Moms. Their life is very hectic and time is limited. In fact, I haven't met a Mom yet that wouldn't love to slow down the earth's rotation enough to get them 2 more hours every day. This means that the more time you can give them when there are changes to their schedule or you need more time from them, the better. It's not to say they can't or won't support you, its just that while you and I might be able to stay late to finish a very important project, Moms have someone that needs to be picked up or attended to. It's just not that easy to flex.

- Give them the ability to work from home - If you can manage it, giving a Mom time to work from home, can be the greatest gift you can give them. Even, if they might still need to get a babysitter, just knowing they are close to their children, gives them a strong feeling of strength and power. And that gives them focus to perform at a whole other level for you.

- Be understanding when they can't get in - Let's face it, kids get sick far more often than adults - and 99% of the time, the person who is going to stay home with their kids is Dr. Mom. This goes back to the statement above - give them the ability to work from home, empower them and they will surprise you with their commitment. It's not every employer that is so understanding of their situation - they will do everything they can to make it work and not blow your trust.

- Sit down with them at least bi-weekly to discuss how things are working - This isn't just something you should do with your Moms on staff - but with all your employees. It's just good management. Get to know the situation and work together to solve issues that are preventing them. A lesson I learned a long time ago, as a Ensign in the Navy, is that a manager's job is to remove the barriers preventing their employees from being able to do their best work. No where does this hold true more so than with Moms in the workplace. But as I've said before, the pay off is amazing.

For Moms:

Having tools or systems that help you balance your life is key. In fact, it's key to anything in life - finding ways to remain able to consistently deliver, even in the face of adversity and / or "unexpected" situations - which is daily in the life of all the Moms I know.

Sure, when the kids wake up on time, get dressed, eat and make the bus on time, everything is grand. But how often do things go "as planned" with kids involved. Someone always has a belly ache, has peanut butter in their hair, needs their diaper changed, or is just crying, just when you are on your last nerve. It's Murphy's Law. And you KNOW you can count on it.

So, what can you do? How do you live your life spontaneously (as so many of us love to do), but still make sure that you are able to deliver on promises - the essence of both being a Mom, a Wife, an Employee, a Business Owner, and a Woman?

You stop trying to live your life trying to manage the time in your days. Instead you need to start managing your life around your priorities, day-to-day, week-to-week, and month-to-month, etc. And that starts with first understanding and writing down the priorities in your life - what matters to you today and where you want to be 1 yr, 5 yrs, 10 yrs and for the rest of your life.

Call it a Personal Vision, a Vision Board, a Mission Statement, I don't care. In truth it doesn't matter what you call it - so long as you have one.

Once you have a Vision to guide you, it's time to figure out goals to support that vision. Goals that will drive your actions each and every day, instead of just running from crisis to crisis.

Your goals need to be built with the realization that it isn't HUGE short term goals that make a difference in your life - as much as we want it to be. But instead, it's long term, lifestyle goals that enable and encourage you to take small steps, every day to create lasting change in your life.

Too often, Moms (as well as everyone else out there) take on way TOO much when they try to change their lives - or get back the ones they use to have. Summer is coming up, and they want to get back into a bikini to sit by the pool. Their two year is learning to potty train - and they see a great window of opportunity. And they decide to take on a part time job in the afternoon for a friend to help their store.

So they change their diet, begin the arduous process of potty training a toddler and go back to work all at the same time - all while still being a stay-at-home Mom, managing the household and trying to be a good wife.

Something has got to give, and if you don't think about it ahead of time, it won't be want you want it to be. It will most likely be everything at once.

Ughhhh!

It's not that you can't do all these things, its just that you can't do them all EVERY DAY. You have to plan out change if you really want it to hold. And if you really want the change to be permanent, the key isn't doing it all at once, but instead working into one step at a time - making sure that each step you take is one step forward, and not two steps back.

This isn't easy - because if you don't stay grounded, you WILL try to run forward as fast as you can at some point - putting short term wants ahead of long term goals. It takes patience and consistency. It takes daily commitment to the long term and integrity. But, in my opinion what it takes more than anything is someone, an outside objective observer, who is committed to your goals and your system, even when you feel like giving up. It takes an accountability partner who will how you to your word and keep you moving forward, even when you don't feel like you can anymore.

It doesn't matter who you find, but find someone that you can talk to every day . . . that won't judge you. Won't get emotional about your situation. Won't let you make excuses. But . . . will stand beside you and help you, when you need it most and do so because he / she is committed to you and your goals as much if not more than you are.

Find yourself a coach / mentor / guide that no matter what . . . will be there every day, keeping you on track and moving forward.

Bottom line, for both employers and Moms, there is a symbiotic relationship that can exist here - one that will benefit EVERYONE. It can be a relationship that can and will make a difference in both of your lives as well as the business. But it takes flexibility and support - and real commitment. And you either need to find a way to support each other, working dynamically to work towards and achieve both of your goals, or find someone who can help you both do just that.

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If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at coach.jj@impossiblefutures.com.

How to Create A Shared Vision

What do you do when you have partners in a relationship that are completely different - have different skills, backgrounds, and thought processes?

Is it possible to make it work with partners who are as different as day and night, when they think and act differently in nearly everything they do?

Absolutely!!! And to be completely frank, I believe, that DIVERSITY is something that should be celebrated as a gift, not a barrier to long term success. But before you get too far in the celebration, you better figure out if you have two very important things before you consummate the relationship:

1. Common / Shared Vision
2. Trusted and Open Communication.

Without these two elements, you will not only struggle, but eventually fail.

Unfortunately, diversity with relationships is usually seen as a time bomb, just waiting to destroy the partnership - but it doesn't have to be the case.

It's not who you are that defines the success of a relationship,
it's what you want to create.

So as long as you both (or all) want to create something bigger than you have today, together, and can agree on what that is, the individuality of each partner becomes a benefit, not a destructive element.

The other day, I wrote the blog, Relationships Last As Long as There Is Shared Vision, where I discussed the importance of shared visions in a relationship. But what I didn't really discuss is how you build a shared vision, if you don't have one yet. Or more importantly, how do you take two or more people whose vision isn't exactly the same, and generate a vision that you can both support and even commit to? And how do you do that when you don't communicate as well as you should? The rest of this article will answer both those questions - and give you the tools to create a vision (a Partnership Constitution) that will bind the team better than if you were of the same mind to begin with.

1. Agree That You Will Create Win-Win Relationship or There Will Be No Deal

The first step in creating a shared vision is to decide that you will do exactly that. This may sound unbelievably obvious, but it is the precise step that is often overlooked and which creates the most trouble.

Each partner must, in advance, agree that they desire to create a Shared Vision (a true Win-Win relationship) that every one AGREES to completely - that all will COMMIT to with all their being, or there will not be an organization.

They must agree that if this doesn't happen, then the team will dissolve and go their own ways, with no hard feelings - this is the "No Deal" option.

Once all partners agree that they will work together, as diligently as necessary to either create a shared vision or to walk away and go their own ways, then you are ready for the next step, deciding what each partner really hopes to create.

2. Each Partner Must Have Their Own Vision In Mind

The key to creating a shared vision is for each of the partners to know what they want individually first. Who do they want to be? What do they want to create? Why do they want to create it? How do they want to create it? That's right, each partner must know what they want from life and from the partnership before they walk in to discussion . . . or they may be persuaded by "group think".

It's not good enough to just have these thoughts in your mind, they must be written down so they become independent of the individual who owns them - they must begin to live and breath on their own, just as the shared vision eventually will.

3. All Partners Must Listen "Empathically" To Each Others' Vision

Now the tough work begins (as if the work to this point hasn't been tough). Each partner needs to not only understand their own vision, but empathically (from the perspective of the owner) understand each partner's desires for the future of the partnership. This requires communication at a deep level - listening to each persons ideas, reading their thoughts and understanding their hopes and dreams (from their perspective - not their own).

This will take time and considerable effort. But by going through this process, each partner will have a better understand of the other, and will gain new perspective on what is both possible and what is not.

4. As a Team, Brainstorm and Write The Shared Vision - Capturing / Encapsulating The Most Important Elements Of Each Partner's Individual Vision

By the time you reach this stage, this becomes almost irrelevant, because you will have gained such a deep understanding of the hopes and dreams of each other. But don't stop before you finish - consummate the relationship by capturing the moment in written form that can be referenced and reviewed time and again in the future. And before you walk away, make sure that each partner signs the document, as if it were a binding contract to each other to support the ideals and principles that lay before you all.

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Finally, let me leave you with a single thought.

If you are like me and so many others who are trying to create something bigger than yourself, then at some point you are going to have to bring others onto your team - whether you want them to be partners . . . or employees. The more you understand about the concepts of creating a vision with partners, the more you begin to understand the elements of leadership and will be able to bring others on board for your life's adventure.

Learn these techniques, they will serve you well, in both personal and professional relationships - on that I stake my reputation.

Ask Yourself 'Why am I doing this?' - The Secret to Over Coming Self-Sabotage

If we do what we've always done, then we will get what we've always gotten.

Is that what you want - to continue to have what you have right now?

Are you happy with where you are?

Would you like something better?

Do you keep trying to do something different and somehow sabotage yourself every time - long before you ever get it?

Truth is, we rarely question our actions - consciously. We do what we do, because that's what we do - or have always done. You woke up this morning most likely at the time you woke up yesterday morning. You went downstairs, had a cup of coffee, maybe a cigarette, and countless other habits - because you did them yesterday . . . and the day before . . . and the day before that.

That's what a habit is.

So let me ask you, "Why are you doing these things?"

Do you want to?

Do you mean to?

Are these things helping you reach your goals?

If the answer is yes - then keep doing them. And don't sweat it.

But if you don't know why you are doing them, except to just do them, then I challenge you to stop doing them . . . and start doing something that will help you achieve your goals.

Every client I work with, before we do anything else, I ask them to sit down and figure out what they want - what they want for their business as well as their personal life - to include taking care of themselves and those that they care most about. It is a struggle sometimes, but most pick it up eventually and actually begin to embrace the idea that they can create the life they choose.

That's the easy part.

Next I ask them to start looking at what they do each and every day, and figure out how those things either directly or indirectly contribute to their goals - to their happiness or what ever it is they want from their life. This can be tough, but once you do it a couple times, you begin to look at everything you do, a little bit differently.

Now, it's not to say that you can't or shouldn't do things that have no purpose or that can't be tied to a goal. In fact quite the opposite is true. It's always nice to have some things that you just do . . . because.

However, most people have unconscious goals - goals that are driving their actions each and every day "unconsciously". The idea here is to help you figure out what you are doing and why you are doing it so that you may actually begin to control it at a conscious level and start living the life you want - as opposed to the life that just seems to be happening to you.

Literally, I ask my clients to think about their actions - before they do them. I don't ask them because I think they should change what they are doing - that is their choice. I do, however, ask them so they can choose behaviors (or not) that will result in the life that they say they want consciously instead of always doing what they've always done and continuing to get what they have always gotten - unconsciously. It is about starting to figure out how and why each of their actions are either taking them closer to or further from their goals.

For example, if one of your goals (life time goals) is to show your wife how much you love her, then it's very easy to see a direct correlation between buying her flowers and taking her out to dinner to that goal.

But what if you don't have a goal to make sure she knows how much you love her? What if you are just buying the flowers for the sake of buying the flowers? Or what if you are dong it to make up for a fight that you had with her last night?

"Why" doesn't matter! I don't care why you do things. However "understanding why" you are doing things does matter! And the difference is profound.

"Understanding Why" matters because it isn't until you understand why you take actions, that will be able to take control of the action and change it into something better - to help you achieve your goal faster . . . more efficiently . . . or more effectively.

Think about it. . . spend some time today, tomorrow, and the next day and think about what it is that you are doing, and why you are doing it.

Are you doing it for no reason? If so, then ask yourself, "Why do I keep wasting my time and energy on this?"

Are you doing it to achieve a conscious goal - a goal that you are fully aware of? Great. That's what you want! And then ask yourself, "Is this the best way to work towards achieving my goal, or is there something else I could be doing?"

Or are you doing it to achieve an unconscious goal, like maintaining the "status quo" - a goal that you really don't want but it has always been what you did so you keep on doing it? If so, then ask yourself, "Is there any reason that I can't give this up - it isn't helping me achieve what I really want?"

In these questions are the answers to taking control of your future and over coming self-sabotage. They questions may feel simple . . . but the answers may be more difficult to face than you think.