How Effective Is Your Network?

It's not what you know, but who you know.

We've all heard that adage before. But I'm hear to tell you, it doesn't even matter "who you know", if they aren't willing to help you.

So the more prudent statement is "It's not what or who you know, but what will who you know do for you."

Try saying that ten times fast.

The Numbers Don't Matter

On Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace, or any other network, it seems that people are running around trying build numbers. How many can I get and how quickly can I get them?

Unfortunately, the numbers don't matter, if none of those friends or followers will act on your behalf.

It IS About Trust, Influence, and Leadership

Effective networking is about influence. It's about building trust and about getting others to believe you are who you say you are . In essence, it's about leadership.

And because the ultimate purpose of networking is to get others to take action (how ever you may define that action), it's about getting them to BELIEVE in you.

So, how then, do you effectively build a network? How do you get others to trust and believe in you?

Is it through Social Media tools? Is it via face-to-face "networking" meetings? Or can you do it through others methods?

The answer to all of those questions is a resounding YES! You can build your network via any form of communication that you choose, face-to-face, telephone, email, social media, radio, tv, or any other form of communication that you can think of. The system isn't the key - what and how you say it is. And the most effective networks are built on the foundation of interactive communication - not broadcast communication. Which means that not only do you have to be able to talk or write, but also, listen, read, . . . and empathize.

And in spite of every one out there telling you that you can build an effective online network overnight "by taking their advice" or by using their tool, it's simply not true. Don't buy into their lies or their gimmicks.

Networking, effective networking where you can both trust and be trusted by the people in your "group", takes time, commitment and a lot of elbow grease. You have to be willing to talk to people, learn about them, understand them, give and take in the relationship, and of course be trustworthy. Or you will end up with a lot of acquaintances - and very few friends that will act on your behalf.

So, stop just looking at the numbers in your network - numbers don't tell the whole truth. Instead, start looking at the effectiveness of your network, and that requires you to honestly assess how much influence you have over your network of friends, or how little.

How Strong Is Your Network?

How strong is your network?

How much do you rely on your network to benefit you, either personally or in business?

I have a friend who started a business / social networking group that was designed to help his friends and family market their businesses (as well as his own). His motto was "People prefer to buy from people they know and trust." So he built a network of his friends and family and brought them together - weekly.

It worked really well . . . for him. But no one else really gained from the network like he did. It wasn't his fault. Because it wasn't "his job" to network for everyone else - that was their own job. But no one else in the group really understood what he knew in his soul - it's not just about showing up at networking events, it's about what you do in between the events that builds the trust needed to tap into the power of networking.

I don't care if you are going to Chamber of Commerce Business Card Exchanges, attending networking groups like LeTip or BNI, leveraging the power of Social Media (i.e. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc), it doesn't matter who big your network is. What matters is how many of those people actually trust you. And how many of those people are willing to act on your behalf to support your vision / mission.

It's NOT Just A Numbers Game

Truth is Numbers will get you started, but they won't get you nearly as far as developing quality relationships built on real interaction.

You can have a 1000 friends on Facebook or in your CRM database, but if you haven't interacted with them in the past couple weeks or months, your networking isn't even half as strong as someone who has 50 friends that he connects with daily or even weekly.

Think about it. What if you have some money that you want to invest, but don't know what to do. Who are you more likely to listen to?

- The celebrity that comes on the TV and tells you to buy Gold.
- The Salesman that cold calls you last night and tries to sell you a timeshare in South Carolina.
- Your cousin, who is a Wall Street Stock Broker, that you see once every three years who has a hot tip for you.
- Or your personal banker, who calls at least once a week to discuss your position and that you actually have a personal relationship with who tells you to buy a 3 yr CD, because the market is too risky right now.

In the past, you might be tempted to follow any of the first three, because their messages might not be drowned out in a sea of other marketing messages. But in today's world, now more than ever, most people are going to trust their personal banker - not because he knows more, or is more ocnservative - but because there is a relationship there that goes beyond the money.

Networking Is All About Building Trust

What most people fail to recognize is that networking is about trust more than anything else. And trust requires that people "feel" that you care about them - not just their pocketbook. They need to feel that you understand who they are and what makes them tick (at least at a cursory level).

You don't build trust by telling people who YOU are.
Instead, you build trust by understanding who THEY are.

And you build trust by being consistent and trustworthy.

Trust takes Time

There is no magic trick that you can use to magically get others to trust you.

Because building a trust is a natural law that requires investment of time and energy. It requires you being who you say you are, again and again - day in and day out.

Sure you can act trustworthy for a short time period, gain a basic level of trust, but if you don't carry that forward in the future, the effects of it will wear off - and so will your influence.

It's Not Who You Know, It's How Well, Who You Know Trusts You.

Take some time this week and look at your network. But instead of just counting the numbers of people that you know, count the number of people that actually know you and trust you. Count how many people you have influence over - not how many you can email.

This is the true power of networking - when you understand this, you can begin to change the way you network, and leverage the real power behind networking.

How to Create A Shared Vision

What do you do when you have partners in a relationship that are completely different - have different skills, backgrounds, and thought processes?

Is it possible to make it work with partners who are as different as day and night, when they think and act differently in nearly everything they do?

Absolutely!!! And to be completely frank, I believe, that DIVERSITY is something that should be celebrated as a gift, not a barrier to long term success. But before you get too far in the celebration, you better figure out if you have two very important things before you consummate the relationship:

1. Common / Shared Vision
2. Trusted and Open Communication.

Without these two elements, you will not only struggle, but eventually fail.

Unfortunately, diversity with relationships is usually seen as a time bomb, just waiting to destroy the partnership - but it doesn't have to be the case.

It's not who you are that defines the success of a relationship,
it's what you want to create.

So as long as you both (or all) want to create something bigger than you have today, together, and can agree on what that is, the individuality of each partner becomes a benefit, not a destructive element.

The other day, I wrote the blog, Relationships Last As Long as There Is Shared Vision, where I discussed the importance of shared visions in a relationship. But what I didn't really discuss is how you build a shared vision, if you don't have one yet. Or more importantly, how do you take two or more people whose vision isn't exactly the same, and generate a vision that you can both support and even commit to? And how do you do that when you don't communicate as well as you should? The rest of this article will answer both those questions - and give you the tools to create a vision (a Partnership Constitution) that will bind the team better than if you were of the same mind to begin with.

1. Agree That You Will Create Win-Win Relationship or There Will Be No Deal

The first step in creating a shared vision is to decide that you will do exactly that. This may sound unbelievably obvious, but it is the precise step that is often overlooked and which creates the most trouble.

Each partner must, in advance, agree that they desire to create a Shared Vision (a true Win-Win relationship) that every one AGREES to completely - that all will COMMIT to with all their being, or there will not be an organization.

They must agree that if this doesn't happen, then the team will dissolve and go their own ways, with no hard feelings - this is the "No Deal" option.

Once all partners agree that they will work together, as diligently as necessary to either create a shared vision or to walk away and go their own ways, then you are ready for the next step, deciding what each partner really hopes to create.

2. Each Partner Must Have Their Own Vision In Mind

The key to creating a shared vision is for each of the partners to know what they want individually first. Who do they want to be? What do they want to create? Why do they want to create it? How do they want to create it? That's right, each partner must know what they want from life and from the partnership before they walk in to discussion . . . or they may be persuaded by "group think".

It's not good enough to just have these thoughts in your mind, they must be written down so they become independent of the individual who owns them - they must begin to live and breath on their own, just as the shared vision eventually will.

3. All Partners Must Listen "Empathically" To Each Others' Vision

Now the tough work begins (as if the work to this point hasn't been tough). Each partner needs to not only understand their own vision, but empathically (from the perspective of the owner) understand each partner's desires for the future of the partnership. This requires communication at a deep level - listening to each persons ideas, reading their thoughts and understanding their hopes and dreams (from their perspective - not their own).

This will take time and considerable effort. But by going through this process, each partner will have a better understand of the other, and will gain new perspective on what is both possible and what is not.

4. As a Team, Brainstorm and Write The Shared Vision - Capturing / Encapsulating The Most Important Elements Of Each Partner's Individual Vision

By the time you reach this stage, this becomes almost irrelevant, because you will have gained such a deep understanding of the hopes and dreams of each other. But don't stop before you finish - consummate the relationship by capturing the moment in written form that can be referenced and reviewed time and again in the future. And before you walk away, make sure that each partner signs the document, as if it were a binding contract to each other to support the ideals and principles that lay before you all.

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Finally, let me leave you with a single thought.

If you are like me and so many others who are trying to create something bigger than yourself, then at some point you are going to have to bring others onto your team - whether you want them to be partners . . . or employees. The more you understand about the concepts of creating a vision with partners, the more you begin to understand the elements of leadership and will be able to bring others on board for your life's adventure.

Learn these techniques, they will serve you well, in both personal and professional relationships - on that I stake my reputation.

Technology Doesn't Fix Communication Problems

In spite of what most "techies" will tell you and try to sell you, technology doesn't fix communication problems, it only makes communication easier. Bad communication whether it's face to face or via some form of technology is and always will be "bad communication".

Whether it's email, IM, Texting, telephone, teleconference, video teleconference, or any of the social networking tools, it's not the system you use, it's the way you communicate that makes the difference.

As a good friend of mine, JaWar (@JaWar) is constantly emphasizing to me and all of his friends, its all about engagement. And engagement requires trust - trust that the people you are talking to will honor your words and not humiliate you or embarrass you.

Engagement is defined as the act of being engaged
or emotionally involved / committed.

Engagement is an "action" verb - not a passive one. It requires your interaction with those you which to communicate with - not sitting back and just monitoring.

If you lecture to me or talk at me, and don't acknowledge or respond to my replies - you are not engaging - and therefor not really communicating. It doesn't matter if this is on Twitter, through IMs, emails, or even face to face, it's all the same.

Or if you just sit back and read, absorbing everything going on, but not adding to the conversation - again, you are not engaging. And still, you are not really communicating.

If you want to build relationships, I don't care where you want to build them, engage with those who engage with you. Join in the fray - get out of your comfort zone - take a chance and reach out to people that are out there. Give yourself to the process of communication - two way. Sure you can use all the tools available to you, but don't expect the tools to do the work - that's up to you.

Join in the fray - get out of your comfort zone - take a chance and reach out to people that are out there.

Seven Essentials of Team Building

A Team is defined as an group organized to work together. And truth is that unless you are a hermit, at some level, you work with others to accomplish goals - both personal and business. The others in your group might be employees, friends, family, suppliers, or even customers. But no matter who they are, if you share a mission or vision then you are a Team. It doesn't matter if that team is formalized on paper, just a verbal agreement, or even a passing relationship, the success of the vision almost always depends on everyone working together - as a single entity.

Unfortunately, just because you put a group of people together in a tight confined space doesn't mean that they will in fact work together. Working together requires, at some level, Team Building.

Throughout my career in both the Military and as a Business Coach, I have found that there are Seven Essentials of Team Building that when present help the team work better and make the combined effort of each member more than just the sum of the individual team members. Unfortunately though, when any or all of those elements are absent, teams become little more than a group of individuals sometimes working together - sometimes not.

The Seven Essentials of Team Building are:

1. Write out the purpose of the Team - The purpose or shared vision of a team is why the team exists in the first place. It is the glue that binds the members of the team and motivates them from the outset. The more each member believes in the vision, the stronger the glue. And whether your team is new or years old, it is important to invite every member of the team to either participate in the development of the vision or agree to it.

2. Create a culture of Trust - Without a doubt, the most important element in any group of people working together is that they trust each other. I'm not talking trust that they will do their job - that's important. But what's really important is that everyone on the team must trust enough that they feel they can voice their opinions without retribution or embarrassment.

3. Set Team Goals - Ones that every one agrees with - Moving forward is about knowing what's important and not important, and getting everyone to agree. This is all about creating goals. It's about defining the rules of the game of your business - knowing how to keep score and what winning looks like. If you don't know the rules, it's not much fun.

4. Gain Commitment to Goals - Everyone's Commitment - Once you have goals - it's time to gain commitment to those goals. That sounds simple, but real commitment means the willingness to be held accountable. In order to increase the level of commitment from each team member towards the goals, make sure that they have an opportunity to share in the process of creating the goals. That doesn't mean they have to be involved in the process at every stage, but they should feel that their voice was heard in the developmental process.

5. Hold Each Other Accountable - Don't count on the Leader - Goals mean nothing if they aren't met. And the only way they are going to be met, is if there is accountability within the team. Too often, the only one that is holding anyone accountable on the team is the leader - but the most effective teams create a culture of accountability where everyone is responsible to the team - not the leader to fulfill their commitments and generate the desired results.

6. Build A Reward System - Don't be afraid to build into the team culture, a reward system that promotes the behaviors and social norms that are important to the team. In many ways, your Team Reward system is built-in accountability, that works independent of other forms of individual accountability.

7. Maintain Integrity within the Team - Integrity is defined as either a steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code, a state of being unimpaired; soundness, or a condition of being whole or undivided; completeness. All of these definitions tie directly to what matters here the most - making sure that every member of the team puts the team first, before their own needs - by not breaking the bounds of trust.

These 7 Essentials are designed to give you the beginning tools to take your team from just showing up and working together - to generating success. As you go about your day, look at the teams in your life (your family, your office, your friends, all the employees, or just the volleyball team at the YMCA) and ask yourself how well each of your teams actually works.

If you want to know more about how to implement any or all of these Essentials in your team,
feel free to contact me at coach.jj@impossiblefutures.com.

Build Great Communication Skills When You Don't Need Them, So They Are There When You Do

One of my secondary jobs when I was flying for the Navy, was as LSO (landing signals officer). If you aren't familiar, he's the guy that stands at the back of the Carrier and controls the airplanes coming into land. It was a job that was both rewarding and often exhausting.

Good or bad (depending on who you are and how you look at it) - no two days were ever the same.

As an LSO, my main tool was my voice - my communication skills. Unfortunately, as we all know, communication is a two-person activity, so I also needed to make sure that the pilots were listening. . . and even more importantly, understood what I was saying. That didn't happen overnight. As good an LSO as I thought I was, I had to earn the pilots respect and I needed to learn their limitations.

Literally, half of my job was spent building a rapport and trust with every pilot in the Air Wing (learning about them, who they were, and their strengths and their weaknesses) - so when the times got tough, when the seas were rough, the deck was moving all over, the winds were gusty, and it was a dark, "no moon" night, I would know what help each pilot needed, how they would respond, and that they would trust and listen to me.

Funny thing is, being an LSO, is a lot like coaching. In fact, I wished I would have known then, what I do know now - I might have been a better LSO. But I did alright - Thankfully, in the 8 years that I "waved" aircraft aboard Aircraft Carriers, there was never an accident on my watch - a fact I'm quite proud of.

Why do I bring this up in a business / personal coaching blog? Because great two-way communication isn't built overnight - and it's never there when you need, unless you worked hard on it, when you didn't need it.

In any relationship, business, personal, or even intimate, you WILL hit tough times. You will have a crisis that you will have to contend with. And getting through that crisis is going to take communication - in many cases great communication. But if you wait until the crisis comes, it will most likely be too late.

Unfortunately, most people think they are good enough to blow off the daily communication - trust building - and still be able to power through the tough times. And to be honest, in my humble opinion, most people are fools.

Real open and trusted communication, the kind needed to survive a crisis, or even to build greatness in an organization requires consistent care. It requires regular (near daily) contact between both parties. It requires trust.

I can promise you, that you will hit hard times in some relationship that you have. It might not be tomorrow or the next day, but it will come. And when it does, you are going to wish you had better communication skills. You are going to wish the other person would listen to you and trust you. And they will be thinking the same. But when you are in the situation, most likely with trust stretched thin and emotions frayed, you aren't going to be able to work both on the problem and your communication skills. And that means that you will NOT, most likely come up with the best possible solution - the win-win solution.

Sure you might get lucky once in a while - but expecting it time and time again without laying the necessary groundwork is insanity.

Stop playing Russian Roulette with your relationships. Stop expecting your suppliers, employees, customers, friends, family, wife or husband to be there and listen to you when you need them - if you aren't there and listening to them when you don't. Take time everyday to take care of one (or more) of your critical relationships. Talk to them, not about work, or about tough things - talk to them about them. Listen to their stories - understand who they are now, so that when some crisis has come up that has worn you both down, and your relationship is stressed or strained, you have a foundation of trust that you can count on.

Build the foundation of real communication so it will carry you through the worst conditions you ever face.

Start Building Trust Within Your Team

If you were to ask most people sitting around a table if they trusted the people they work with, most would say yes - at least publicly. The funny thing is that most people believe their answer - or at least want to believe it. But I have found that when pressed a bit further on the issue, there is really very little trust in any team.

But I'm not talking about trusting someone will do what is asked of them or trusting that they are competent at their job. I am talking about trusting someone enough to be ourselves around them - to volunteer ideas and opinions without the fear of ridicule or retribution - to not be betrayed for being who we are.

Now take that one step further - how well do you really trust your friends and family? How much do you trust that they will listen to you and accept you, and embrace your differences as much as your similarities? It's as important to find the answer to this question as it is to answer any other question in your life. Because if you don't trust them to support who you are, they you are probably denying yourself right now.

How many of us are actually willing to say that we don't understand something to our peers, family members, friends, or teammates? Or that we disagree with something really popular? How about admitting that you made a mistake? Ask for help? Or the most difficult for many of us, hold a someone else accountable for something they either did or failed to do and not have it blow up in our face? This is the trust that I'm talking about. This is the trust that is the foundation of a solid team - a solid partnership, whether it be business or personal.

Funny thing is that most of us, think / expect this "trust" to be present at the most critical time - without any investment into it. We think that just because there is a crisis going on, people will tell us the truth and give us their best. But building trust among teammates / partners doesn't only occur during a crisis. It happens every minute of every day, in the way we conduct ourselves doing out daily activities. It happens in the way we "walk our talk" each and every day.

So here is a tip that you can start practicing today. If you are on a team (whether you are the leader or not) and want to build more trust amongst your team members, stop and ask yourself, "Am I modeling the behavior I want others to emulate?" In nearly every case I know or have seen, I find the answer to be no. That's not to say that it doesn't happen, but if you look honestly at yourself, most people live the mantra, "Do as I say, not as I do."

If you haven't been emulating the behavior you want, STOP right there. Over the course of the next month, show some vulnerability to your team mates. Tell them when you don't know the answer to a problem or that you don't understand what they are doing. Be honest with yourself about the mistakes that you made, the commitments that you haven't followed up on, and the accountabilities that you've missed - and share them with your team. Odds are, they already know (though they may act surprised), because others are usually more keenly aware of our foibles than we are. It's our lack of honest self evaluation that gets in the way of our credibility as a member of the team. And by admitting your vulnerabilities (by becoming trustworthy), your team members will gain new respect for you and more importantly will become more willing to be vulnerable as well.

And here is the key to creating change on your team - don't focus on the results of your behavior right away. This would be a fatal mistake. It may feel like the vulnerability is a sign of weakness - that your weakness is only going to cause you more harm than good. But revel in the process - reward yourself for doing, because the results will come - they always do!

Change is hard - people will not immediately trust that this new attitude is real, so they will resist. They will resist for two reasons: one because they won't believe its real, the second because they are afraid of changing themselves. But as you continue to "walk your talk", you will begin to have people open up to you more and more. They will begin to trust you. And shortly thereafter, they will begin to trust others as well. And you will have created a virus (a good virus) that will spread throughout your entire team. You will have become the moral leader of the team, even if you may (or may not) be the formal leader.

And you will have made your team stronger and more capable than they have ever been before.

Truth - A Necessity For Real Growth

If you want to become more than you currently are today, then you MUST first face the brutal truth of your current reality - the truth about who and where you are right now. But facing the truth is both difficult and in many ways impossible without the assistance of others with an objective view.

So let me ask you two questions:

1. Do you have someone who you trust enough and that loves you enough to actually tell you the truth - whether its good news or bad?
2. Who do you love enough to be completely honest with - even if that communication hurts?

If you are like most that I ask those questions to, it would be one of the hardest conversations you've ever had. Why is that?

It was these questions that stirred up a great conversation with two Tweeps, Gloria Bell (@GloriaBell) and Ron Hudson (@Ron_Hudson) on Twitter the other day on this exact topic. And it was this conversation that has inspired me to write this blog.

You see, I believe that honesty and trust are the foundation of true love. Not part time, fair weather honesty and trust, but every day complete and unconditional honesty and trust. These two concepts, when built into a relationship, promote open and meaningful communication between two people. They are the building blocks of what every successful relationship is about.

Unfortunately though, most people are afraid to be honest with those they love. Why is that?

In our Twitter conversation the other evening, Ron, Gloria and I basically concluded the answer is sadly based in our own insecurities - not in "our love" and compassion for the other person. We agreed that as members of the human race, we tend to be afraid that we will not be able to communicate what we feel without hurting our loved one's feelings. And we fear we could potentially lose our dear friend with such open, honest language as they reject both us and our ideas.

Unfortunately, when we let this fear govern our actions we are being more selfish than protective of our friend's feelings. We tend to be focused more on protecting our own interests than welfare of the one we love. Because, as cold and harsh as it sounds, many of us would rather let someone we love not live up to their potential than risk losing them. And this tends to be true, whether they would like to admit it or not.

Now we all know the adage:

If you love something, set it free. If it come back it is yours. If it doesn't it never was.

The same idea applies here. If you love someone, then you should help them become the best person they can be. Be honest with them - from the spirit of helping them grow. If your heart is truly based in love as you share any truth with them, they will feel it. But beware, if your intention is otherwise, and you are only trying to tear them down and protect your own self interests, they will feel that as well.

Either way, when you are open and honest with someone you love, you must accept that how they respond is their choice - not yours. If your honesty helps them grow beyond your relationship with them, accept that fact - knowing that you helped them to become something bigger and better. It doesn't mean that they don't "love" you. It simply means that they are moving on to something else.

Such is often the struggle of a parent.

So, the key to remember is that when you do something for someone you love, it's not about you - it is about them. Because, as I have only recently truly come to understand, love is doing for others what makes them feel loved and gives them the strength to be the best person they can be.

As difficult as that can be sometimes.

Sales Management & Leadership - Effective Communication Is the Foundation

Let's take Tom Schaber's blog entry on Sales Management and Leadership to the next level. Effective communication isn't just for Sales Managers - it's key for anyone who is on a team - whether you are the leader of the team or just a team member.

Truth is, "Communication" is the underlying key of any relationship. And communication requires trust. Which in this context, is not referring to trusting someone will do what they are told. Instead, in this context, it refers "trusted" and open communication.

Trusted communication exists when each person respects all other members of a team and has their best interests in mind as well as the best interest of the team when communicating with each other. They will listen respectfully and be open to the words spoken - as well as being willing to speak their mind, knowing their words will be honored.

Think about the teams you are on - whether you are the leader of the team or just a member. Do you feel safe to say what's on your mind? Do others listen and respect your opinion? Do you make others feel safe to speak their mind?

Do you trust the others on the team enough to openly speak their mind? Are you trustworthy enough that others feel safe speaking their mind in front of you?

Think hard about the answers to those questions.

I would like to say that it is the leaders responsibility to make all of this happen - but in most situations, the leader / manager doesn't know enough to do it on their own. And if you wait until they figure it out, you might be out of luck. So, whether you are the leader, or just a team member, make the environment you work in a trusted environment.

So what can you do to build trust in the work place? It's simple - Be Impeccable With Your Word! (The first Agreement from don Miguel Ruiz's The Four Agreements)

- Respect others opinions and stand up for them whether you agree with them or not - making sure they know you will make sure their voice is heard. Give them voice.

- Respect those that aren't present - as if they were. Don't gossip.

- Actively listen to those who do speak - doing your best to listen to their inputs so that you truly understand them.

It may take some time and, in all likelihood, it will be very tough to do. But no matter who you are, you can change how well the communication works between you and any other person or team. You simply have to make a choice to make it happen - and commit to it.