How Will You Challenge Yourself Today?

“Do something everyday that scares you.”

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes our push comes from our parents.

And sometimes that push comes from within.

There is a great video by SimpleTruths.com that talks about this very issue - Eagles Need a Push

When Was The Last Time You Were Scared and Overcame That?

When was the last time you did something that really scared the heck out of you?

When was the last time you took a chance - whether with sharing an idea, pursuing a dream, risked embarrassing yourself, or did something that you know would shake the foundation of your world for the rest of your life.

A Personal Story About Overcoming Fears

Here is a little story, that I've told many times, but I think it's an important story . . . nonetheless. And I don't "autobiographize" very often. Yes, I know that's not really a word, but it's my blog.

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Growing up, I was scared of everything. Scared of heights, scared of speed, and scared of leaving home. You name it, I was scared of it. But I was lucky, because in spite of my fears, I had a couple key people in my life that made me do things that I was afraid to do, because they knew it was the best thing for me and knew that I would enjoy it in the long run.

My Mom drug me up (and then down again) one of those Big Carnival Slides (where you sit on the mat) literally kicking and screaming. But don't worry, after crying all the way up and down that first time, they couldn't get me off the slide for the rest of the afternoon. I hear tell that I went down by myself at least 10 times in a row. And, the story goes that they had to drag me away when it was time to go.

But I didn't learn my lesson there - I still was afraid. I wasn't able to figure out that fears weren't real . . . just in my head.

In fact, ten years later, my older brother Michael drug me on the Lochness Monster in Busch Gardens, Williamsburg - my first Roller Coaster ever. Yes, again, he drug me on nearly kicking and screaming. Needless to say, it was the best thing for me. Because now, even though they still send chills down my spine every time I get on the truth is I can't get enough of roller coasters. I love 'em.

And this all leads up to my 19th Birthday. Still struggling with my fears (specifically my fear of heights), and knowing I had to do something to over come them, I did something that would change my life forever.

On a sunny, hot, August morning, after sleeping in (because I took that day off of work), I walked into the kitchen in my parent's home, announced that I was going skydiving and walked out the door - not to be heard from again for nearly 8 hours, until I returned home again.

I had pondered the idea of skydiving for a while, but only decided that morning, when I got up, that I would actually go through with it . . . or at least try to.

I didn't tell anyone before that morning . . . nor did I give anyone a chance to stop me.

And in spite of being scared out of my mind, AGAIN, I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane from 3000' and parachuted to terra firma. I loved it, and would like to think I was brave in my adventure, but I know that I wasn't. In fact if they would have let me (and I hadn't just invested $175 for the training and jump), I would have ridden back down with the pilot. But the instructor simply looked at me and said (as he pointed out of the plane), that's the only way down for you. And he was right.

And from that point on in my life I didn't look back - I didn't let my fears dominate the course that I followed.

Sure I still had fears, but I finally taught myself that I could overcome them . . . when and if I choose to.

Why YOU Should Challenge Your Fears

Now, I look back, as a retired Navy Pilot with over 600 carrier landings (250 of them at night) at what hot day in August meant to me. Sometimes I think maybe I should have been more scared in some situations, and that was my sheer ignorance that prevented that, but I never once doubted my capabilities in an airplane. Sure, I screwed up occasionally (ok, maybe more than just occasionally), but I never doubted or feared that I was incapable of handling the situation. Mostly, I believe, because I learned that the fears that hold you back are all . . . just in your mind.

So, I have to ask you . . . when was the last time you did something that really scared you?

And I challenge you to do something today . . . that scares you - whatever that might be!

Keep Flying The Airplane First!

When I was learning to fly, one of my instructors told me that most pilots get themselves in trouble, not because they don't know their procedures, but because they respond too quickly without knowing the whole situation, or simply jumping to conclusions. He taught me that when an emergency happens, one of the best things you could do was just to "keep flying the airplane first" (do whatever you are currently doing) until you thought about and understand all that you can about the emergency.

The reason he would say this, is because in the heat of the moment, most people tend to react without thinking. They tend to move switches, turn dials, or pull circuit breakers, trying to solve the problem as fast as they can. Sometimes, this is the right action, but most times, it isn't.

Most times we aggravate situations by responding quickly and emotionally and make things even worse than they already were.

That's because the initial reaction to unplanned stimulus is usually emotional - and rarely thought through. It's simply an emotionally driven reaction.

What my instructor all those years taught me is to "keep flying the airplane first." It sounds obvious, but many pilots forget to do exactly this - fly the airplane. Don't move any switches or react to conditions until you have all the inputs and actually can think about it clearly. The act of flying keeps you grounded in what is important and keeps you on track. By consciously focusing on "flying first", I could change my thought process from reactive to proactive - from simply accepting consequences as they play out before me to thinking through the consequences and choosing the ones that I want.

The great thing is that this is a great business and life lesson as well. No matter what the circumstances are, you get to control your response. Whether it is declining sales in the recession, finding out a trusted employee is leaving you, getting an angry complaint from a customer, or your spouse picking a fight with you over something you did or didn't do yesterday, it doesn't matter. You control the situation, because you have control of your response.

Keep flying your plane, and give yourself time to think!

By continuing to "fly your plane", you ease your emotions and take the edge off of things. Even if its a "silent count to five" in your head, before you respond, you are more likely going to respond with a clearer mind, and less emotionally.

Bottom line and lesson learned from my experiences flying is:

Don't respond instantly and emotionally, every time a crisis comes up. Take your time to respond, its how you take back control of a situation that often times feels completely out of control.

Build Great Communication Skills When You Don't Need Them, So They Are There When You Do

One of my secondary jobs when I was flying for the Navy, was as LSO (landing signals officer). If you aren't familiar, he's the guy that stands at the back of the Carrier and controls the airplanes coming into land. It was a job that was both rewarding and often exhausting.

Good or bad (depending on who you are and how you look at it) - no two days were ever the same.

As an LSO, my main tool was my voice - my communication skills. Unfortunately, as we all know, communication is a two-person activity, so I also needed to make sure that the pilots were listening. . . and even more importantly, understood what I was saying. That didn't happen overnight. As good an LSO as I thought I was, I had to earn the pilots respect and I needed to learn their limitations.

Literally, half of my job was spent building a rapport and trust with every pilot in the Air Wing (learning about them, who they were, and their strengths and their weaknesses) - so when the times got tough, when the seas were rough, the deck was moving all over, the winds were gusty, and it was a dark, "no moon" night, I would know what help each pilot needed, how they would respond, and that they would trust and listen to me.

Funny thing is, being an LSO, is a lot like coaching. In fact, I wished I would have known then, what I do know now - I might have been a better LSO. But I did alright - Thankfully, in the 8 years that I "waved" aircraft aboard Aircraft Carriers, there was never an accident on my watch - a fact I'm quite proud of.

Why do I bring this up in a business / personal coaching blog? Because great two-way communication isn't built overnight - and it's never there when you need, unless you worked hard on it, when you didn't need it.

In any relationship, business, personal, or even intimate, you WILL hit tough times. You will have a crisis that you will have to contend with. And getting through that crisis is going to take communication - in many cases great communication. But if you wait until the crisis comes, it will most likely be too late.

Unfortunately, most people think they are good enough to blow off the daily communication - trust building - and still be able to power through the tough times. And to be honest, in my humble opinion, most people are fools.

Real open and trusted communication, the kind needed to survive a crisis, or even to build greatness in an organization requires consistent care. It requires regular (near daily) contact between both parties. It requires trust.

I can promise you, that you will hit hard times in some relationship that you have. It might not be tomorrow or the next day, but it will come. And when it does, you are going to wish you had better communication skills. You are going to wish the other person would listen to you and trust you. And they will be thinking the same. But when you are in the situation, most likely with trust stretched thin and emotions frayed, you aren't going to be able to work both on the problem and your communication skills. And that means that you will NOT, most likely come up with the best possible solution - the win-win solution.

Sure you might get lucky once in a while - but expecting it time and time again without laying the necessary groundwork is insanity.

Stop playing Russian Roulette with your relationships. Stop expecting your suppliers, employees, customers, friends, family, wife or husband to be there and listen to you when you need them - if you aren't there and listening to them when you don't. Take time everyday to take care of one (or more) of your critical relationships. Talk to them, not about work, or about tough things - talk to them about them. Listen to their stories - understand who they are now, so that when some crisis has come up that has worn you both down, and your relationship is stressed or strained, you have a foundation of trust that you can count on.

Build the foundation of real communication so it will carry you through the worst conditions you ever face.