Four Steps to Turning A Bad Situation Around

How's your business doing?

How is your financial situation?

If you are like most people in America (and around the world for that matter), things aren't as good as you would like them to be.

Sure, in your mind, you might be blaming the economy and things that are out of your control for your current condition - which is not the healthiest thing to do on its own. But I don't believe that's why you haven't done anything about it.

So the question is . . . Why aren't you doing anything about it?

Why haven't you made the changes that you knew you were going to need to make sooner?

Why haven't you change your spending habits? Why haven't you have a garage sale to clean the junk you have all over the place to generate a little more cash? Or why haven't you posted them on eBay or Craig's List? And why haven't you called the credit card company and asked for a lower interest rate?

Or, even harder, why haven't you asked your friends and family for help?

The answers to these questions for most people might surprise you to read . . . although I think you know it already - deep down in your heart, whether you are feeling it now or have felt it in the past. The answer is, you feel shameful.

Ironically, in spite of the causes, many people that find themselves in "tough times" aren't locked into those positions because they don't know what to do. Instead most get stuck in ruts and difficult situations because of Shame - because of the painful emotion caused by a conscious (or even unconscious) awareness of their guilt or personal shortcoming that caused them to be where they are. And taking the steps necessary to fix the situation requires them to admit both privately and publicly that they did have a hand in the situation. And we all struggle with forgive ourselves of our own shortcomings.

The First Step - Face the Truth

Before you can do much else in repairing your situation, you have to face the truth. I don't care who you are, and what your situation is, you have to believe that you control your destiny, if you want to change your life for the better. Now that doesn't mean that bad things don't happen to good people - there is no doubt about that. But no matter the situation, you get to choose your response and eventually how the situation will turn out for you.

Accept responsibility for your choices that led to the situation. And then look inside yourself and decide whether or not you are stuck because someone or something is holding you back . . . Or if you are stifled in your position because you are holding yourself back, and why?

The Second Step - Release the Guilt and the Shame

Now that you have faced the truth of your situation, if not publicly, at least privately, it's time to take what is often the most difficult step to take in any change effort. And that is forgive yourself for the choices you have made to this point . . . both the good and bad choices.

Forgive yourself and release the guilt and shame that is holding you back from becoming all that you can and truly want to be. Because if you don't release the guilt and the shame, you will self-sabotage your efforts.

Remember, you can't change the past. But you don't have to relive it every day for the rest of your life either.

Learn from it.

Put it behind you.

And move on to making the choices that will help you become the you that you truly want to be.

The Third Step - Build a Plan and Enlist Help

Now that you have faced the truth and released your negative feelings so that you can move forward, it's time to do the fun stuff - planning the way forward.

The third step in the process of turn around your business and personal struggles is building a plan - a way forward. Suffice it to say that I could write for hours on this subject, but let me KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) for you:

- Figure out the real truth of your current condition (where you are)
- Define your goals / vision (where you want to go)
- Break down all the steps along way that you will have to accomplish to achieve the goals (what you have to do - one step at a time)
- List the obstacles that are going to get in your way (including your own mindset, if applicable).
- Figure out who can help you and enlist their support (who do you need help from)
- Build into the plan, a method for staying on track - a form of accountability to keep you from falling backwards and / or help you recognize the hiccups that come up along the way. (what is your feedback loop to keep you moving in the right direction)

The Fourth and Final Step - Take One Step at a Time

If you have gotten this far, you are about 90% there. Now all you have to do is follow your plan.

Just remember, you wrote a plan for a reason . . . you can't do it all at one time. As the saying goes, "You can't eat an elephant in one bite".

Take things ONE STEP AT A TIME . . . Obstacle at a time . . . One day at a time . . . And before you know it, you will have reached your goal and put what ever was "in your past" in your past for good.

Self-Sabotage or Self-Preservation?

There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs with many people who decide to “change” their life for the better. They commit very deeply to the process of change – truly believing they will do what ever it takes to make the change become permanent. But just as they are about to “break through” to the next level, they disengage from the process and go back to their old self.

Why is this? Why do they pull-back from change just as things are getting good?

Is it because they changed their minds and don't really believe in their goals anymore? Or because they don't think the process is working for them?

I don't think so!

Even though they may say and "feel" both of these things, I don't believe it to be true. In fact, I think that just the opposite is true. And the longer I coach, the more I see it happen.

You see, up until the point of backing down, most people actively participate in the change process at a conscious level. They make real decisions to be who they want to be. And they are very motivated.

Unfortunately though, change in the early stages isn't permanent - it's just surface changes. Real change takes time and requires a deeper commitment. It requires changing habit patterns which are subconscious thoughts - and these are not as easily changed.

Sure, they get close to making a real difference long term, but they never carry through because of an incredible strong drive to quit and / or destroy everything they've worked for up to this point. And it feels the longer they fight it, the stronger the feeling grows.

It is precisely at this point that most people quit and go back to who they have always been – back to what feels comfortable every day. It is really a shame, because just as the pull becomes strongest is the precise time that you have to find a way to push through – at a conscious level – because your gut (your inner voice) is doing everything it can to hold you back – to keep you from taking that next step.

And it is doing so more out of self-preservation than anything else!

The very survival of everything you have counted on as “truth” depends on you not going any further. In the next couple steps you take, you will begin to see a new truth. Each step is a challenge to what you have always known and will redefine your world image. Your subconscious knows that you are on the verge of breaking free from your comfort zone as it is right now – and reaching a new plateau in your life. And this plateau in your life will leave the past as simply that – your past.

Up until this breakthrough, the tug of your old self grows with each passing day – until you feel like you can't go another step. Do not succumb to these tugs and go back to their comfortable life. If and when you have the strength to step through that invisible barrier, that is your comfort zone, you will no longer feel that ever-increasing tug. You will find a new freedom and drive to keep moving forward.

Don't get me wrong, you will still feel the tug of your old self. But after breakthrough, with each passing day, the tug will get weaker – and your new path will gain strength. The new you will begin to take shape.

It's not that you forget who you were, it's simply that you begin to see yourself as something new – as something re-defined.

So here, if anywhere, is where you need to find someone to support your journey – to encourage you to keep moving forward – to help you find what lies outside your comfort zone.

Sadly, too often, you can't count on your family or your friends of old on this journey. It's not because they don't love and support you or because they don't want what's best for you. Instead, the problem with those who love you so dearly is that from where they stand (usually inside your comfort zone), the pain you will endure is being caused by your efforts to change, not by the struggle to break from your old habits. They want to you be who they have always know you to be, more so than who you can be.

Many people call this process self-sabotage. Honestly, I think the name is wrong. It's not sabotage at all, it's actually self-preservation. To see it as “against” you is, in my opinion, looking at it from the wrong perspective. And this perspective actually makes it more difficult to overcome. Conversely, when you see it as an attempt of preservation of the old you, it is actually easier to step through and overcome.

It's not you trying to sabotage your dreams – it's you trying to save the only YOU that you ever known – the YOU that you've always been.

Here is the simple truth - "You will always be you." And instead of leaving the old you behind, you will add to it. You will learn new things, new tricks and gain new experiences.

As I said in one of my earliest blogs, Be Willing To Give Up Everything To Get What You Want, you have to willing to give up what you currently have in order to create or get what you want. And now you can see, more than anything else, what you have to be willing to give up is what previously defined YOU – and allow something new to grow and become who you are.

Technology Doesn't Fix Communication Problems

In spite of what most "techies" will tell you and try to sell you, technology doesn't fix communication problems, it only makes communication easier. Bad communication whether it's face to face or via some form of technology is and always will be "bad communication".

Whether it's email, IM, Texting, telephone, teleconference, video teleconference, or any of the social networking tools, it's not the system you use, it's the way you communicate that makes the difference.

As a good friend of mine, JaWar (@JaWar) is constantly emphasizing to me and all of his friends, its all about engagement. And engagement requires trust - trust that the people you are talking to will honor your words and not humiliate you or embarrass you.

Engagement is defined as the act of being engaged
or emotionally involved / committed.

Engagement is an "action" verb - not a passive one. It requires your interaction with those you which to communicate with - not sitting back and just monitoring.

If you lecture to me or talk at me, and don't acknowledge or respond to my replies - you are not engaging - and therefor not really communicating. It doesn't matter if this is on Twitter, through IMs, emails, or even face to face, it's all the same.

Or if you just sit back and read, absorbing everything going on, but not adding to the conversation - again, you are not engaging. And still, you are not really communicating.

If you want to build relationships, I don't care where you want to build them, engage with those who engage with you. Join in the fray - get out of your comfort zone - take a chance and reach out to people that are out there. Give yourself to the process of communication - two way. Sure you can use all the tools available to you, but don't expect the tools to do the work - that's up to you.

Join in the fray - get out of your comfort zone - take a chance and reach out to people that are out there.