"Why do you treat everything like a game?" Those are the words I heard a 30 something man angrily YELL at his young son, as he went to wash his hands in a public bathroom.
You see, the son, who obviously had been taught to wash his hands after using the toilet, was getting reprimanded because he had made "hand washing" fun. And, much to the dismay of his father, it was taking the young lad longer (and making a bit more of a mess) than Dad had wanted it to. Besides, according to the Dad's point of view, it was obvious that hand washing was just something you did - not something you enjoyed doing.
What do you think that does to the desire for the son to wash his hands next time?
Will he wash now that it can't be fun as well as he would have, when it was a game to him?
I doubt it.
In fact, in my opinion, this father, completely unknowingly, is teaching his son a very powerful, yet damaging lesson. The lesson being that there are things that you have to do in life that you simply have to do. You shouldn't have fun doing them - you should just do them, and be miserable like me (and my Dad before me).
Today, it was washing his hands. Next week, it will be homework or mowing the lawn. And eventually it will be work, marriage and even life itself.
The gift of youth is that we look to make everything a game. We look to have fun in every thing we do - and it comes out most obviously, when parents make their kids do something they don't want them to do.
In fact, with infants, we even teach them HOW to do this ourselves. Don't believe me? Have you ever pretended the fork was an airplane, flying in circles and delivering the mouthful of peas (that you child won't eat on his own) to his or her mouth. Do you not try to make eating foods you don't like into a game?
But somehow, somewhere, we have were taught that life isn't supposed to be fun or a game - it's supposed to be serious and no fun at all. And although we might not intend to pass this outlook on to our kids, by the time they reach adolescence, most kids have given up on making things they don't like fun, and only look at those chores as work.
But is that what we should be teaching to our kids or even to ourselves?
I hope not.
If you ask me, if people just spent a little bit of their time at work and in their life figuring out how to have fun doing what they have to do - making it a game, two things would happen:
1. They would smile a lot more and actually look forward to the things they used to dread doing.
2. Their productivity would increase dramatically - probably in the area of 50-100% simply because we always try harder in games that we like than those we don't.
So I ask you . . .
Why don't YOU treat everything like a game?
Showing posts with label Happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happiness. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Natural Laws Govern Our Happiness And Success
If you want to start a garden this summer, you know that there are many natural laws that govern the process. These are things that are true, whether you know them or not. They are independent of you and me - and govern the world we live in. You can try all you want to break the laws. But the truth is, nature is the ultimate accountability partner - and you will only get out of your garden, exactly what you put into it.
The laws I speak of aren't necessary written down in a "Natural Law Book", but best as I can tell, they are as follows:
1. You will only reap what you sow. Sounds silly, but you won't get cucumbers if all you planted was tomatoes. It doesn't matter how well you take care of the tomato plants, all you will get from them is tomatoes. So think about what you want before you plant - not in the middle of the summer.
2. If you want a harvest in the fall, then you must plant in the spring. There is no getting around this one - you can't wait until September, work real hard and expect to see a great harvest by October - it just isn't going to happen.
3. If you don't take care of the garden all summer long, watering, weeding and generally caring for the plants, you will not get the harvest you hope for. How many gardens will be started this spring, only to be left to their own all summer long - leaving little or no real chance for a harvest come autumn.
So here is my question:
In fact, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, I believe there exists a set of natural laws that govern human behavior - laws that govern the results we get each and every day from our actions. And I believe that our ignorance to or resistance against these laws doesn't make them any less "real" - nor give us any 'free' passes to get what we want without doing the necessary work.
Here are the laws that I believe govern our success and happiness, just as the laws above govern the success and happiness associated with a garden harvest.
1. You will only reap what you sow. You must plan for what you want. If you don't, there is no telling what the result will be. This means starting with the end in mind - having a vision of what you want to create and goals that will give you the focus you need through the tough times and the good.
2. If you want to have the life you want, then you must begin to take action NOW to make it happen. The creation of real success in life takes time and commitment. There will be times when you have a short lived windfall from short term activities. However, for the most part, if you want to BE someone when you grow up or be known for something when you grow old, then you must start today. You can't wait until you are grown up or old to be that person.
There is no getting around this one - you can't do nothing for your entire life, and then at age 60 decide to create the life you want. It doesn't work that way. You can begin to change who you are from that point forward, but you can't change the first 60 years of your life.
3. It's not just a one time decision - it takes daily attention and focus to grow success and happiness. All too often in life, as in the garden, people plant the seeds of their future, but do nothing to nurture those seeds. Sure they start our with great intentions, but quickly falter and even forget what they wanted in the first place. They let their dreams sprout, but quickly dry up or become overrun by thousands of opposing ideas, gnawing away at their time, money and energy.
In life, just as in gardening, you must show up everyday and care for your vision, examine your life, and decide what you need to do today to get your self one step closer to the life you want.
Finally, as an extension of the third rule, it's important to remember that you must enjoy the journey as much as work towards destination. It isn't enough to live only for tomorrow or only for today. You must find away to relish the past, learning as you go, enjoy the present as if it's all that you have, and plan for your future, giving as much attention in your daily routine to what you want to create as you do to want you want right now.
Live By The Laws Or Suffer The Consequences
You can do what ever you want with your life. We all know that you will. These laws don't state that you can't DO what ever you want, they simply define the consequences of your actions.
Are there exceptions? Sure - extreme few. Just like we all now that if you step off of a 10 story building the laws of gravity will make you fall, the result of the fall may not be fatal - you could get lucky. But the natural law is still present.
So the sooner you begin to accept these laws and begin to define your actions around them and within the limitations and boundaries they provide, the more likely you will live a happier, more successful life.
The laws I speak of aren't necessary written down in a "Natural Law Book", but best as I can tell, they are as follows:
1. You will only reap what you sow. Sounds silly, but you won't get cucumbers if all you planted was tomatoes. It doesn't matter how well you take care of the tomato plants, all you will get from them is tomatoes. So think about what you want before you plant - not in the middle of the summer.
2. If you want a harvest in the fall, then you must plant in the spring. There is no getting around this one - you can't wait until September, work real hard and expect to see a great harvest by October - it just isn't going to happen.
3. If you don't take care of the garden all summer long, watering, weeding and generally caring for the plants, you will not get the harvest you hope for. How many gardens will be started this spring, only to be left to their own all summer long - leaving little or no real chance for a harvest come autumn.
So here is my question:
Why is it that we can know and understand the natural laws of gardening
and farming so well, doing our best to live within them, but continue to
deny that we, as natural beings, are governed by similar natural laws?
and farming so well, doing our best to live within them, but continue to
deny that we, as natural beings, are governed by similar natural laws?
In fact, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, I believe there exists a set of natural laws that govern human behavior - laws that govern the results we get each and every day from our actions. And I believe that our ignorance to or resistance against these laws doesn't make them any less "real" - nor give us any 'free' passes to get what we want without doing the necessary work.
Here are the laws that I believe govern our success and happiness, just as the laws above govern the success and happiness associated with a garden harvest.
1. You will only reap what you sow. You must plan for what you want. If you don't, there is no telling what the result will be. This means starting with the end in mind - having a vision of what you want to create and goals that will give you the focus you need through the tough times and the good.
2. If you want to have the life you want, then you must begin to take action NOW to make it happen. The creation of real success in life takes time and commitment. There will be times when you have a short lived windfall from short term activities. However, for the most part, if you want to BE someone when you grow up or be known for something when you grow old, then you must start today. You can't wait until you are grown up or old to be that person.
There is no getting around this one - you can't do nothing for your entire life, and then at age 60 decide to create the life you want. It doesn't work that way. You can begin to change who you are from that point forward, but you can't change the first 60 years of your life.
3. It's not just a one time decision - it takes daily attention and focus to grow success and happiness. All too often in life, as in the garden, people plant the seeds of their future, but do nothing to nurture those seeds. Sure they start our with great intentions, but quickly falter and even forget what they wanted in the first place. They let their dreams sprout, but quickly dry up or become overrun by thousands of opposing ideas, gnawing away at their time, money and energy.
In life, just as in gardening, you must show up everyday and care for your vision, examine your life, and decide what you need to do today to get your self one step closer to the life you want.
Finally, as an extension of the third rule, it's important to remember that you must enjoy the journey as much as work towards destination. It isn't enough to live only for tomorrow or only for today. You must find away to relish the past, learning as you go, enjoy the present as if it's all that you have, and plan for your future, giving as much attention in your daily routine to what you want to create as you do to want you want right now.
Live By The Laws Or Suffer The Consequences
You can do what ever you want with your life. We all know that you will. These laws don't state that you can't DO what ever you want, they simply define the consequences of your actions.
Are there exceptions? Sure - extreme few. Just like we all now that if you step off of a 10 story building the laws of gravity will make you fall, the result of the fall may not be fatal - you could get lucky. But the natural law is still present.
So the sooner you begin to accept these laws and begin to define your actions around them and within the limitations and boundaries they provide, the more likely you will live a happier, more successful life.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Life Is NOT Easy - Stop Thinking It Should Be
I don't care who you are or what your personal circumstances are - life is not easy. In fact, it's downright hard. If it wasn't, then we would all be bored out of our minds. It is the human condition to create strife (whether by choice or circumstance) and to challenge ourselves to overcome it. It is the struggle of life or as Buddhists put it, "It is suffering".
From old to young, short to tall, rich, poor, Black, White, Latino, Native American, Catholic, Muslin, Jew, French, Japanese, or American, it doesn't matter, we live the circumstances we have been given. But, we choose the life we will have tomorrow.
This is the principle that we will be held accountable to our choices. Even though we may not have intentionally chosen the results, we did make the choices that led to those results.
The sooner we accept this fact, the quicker we can begin to change our current condition.
The Reality Behind The Power Of Choice
Let's face it. It's easy to feel sorry for yourself or anyone else because either you or they are repressed, deprived, starving or in other atrocious conditions. But, the truth is, every day, we all make choices to either perpetuate our current conditions or to change them. The fact that you aren't aware of this fact, doesn't make it less true - it only makes you ignorant.
I know this sounds harsh. But if you don't believe that you have a choice in your response to the conditions in your life, then you really have no hope to change your life - and you are forced to rely only on blind faith - and "hope" that someone or something will create happiness and success for you.
I'm not buying it. The way I see it, without accepting the idea that life is about liberty, freedom, and choices that you make in response to your circumstances every day, your existence becomes what others (friends, family, your Government, or your God) choose for you. And you are just living out what good (or bad) fortune life, God, or others bestow upon you.
Don't Give Up The Ability To Choose Your Own Life
Rather than looking at your condition as something out of your control, change it. Make a different choice that is different than the one you chose yesterday. Look not only at your current situation, but also the one you want to create and make you decisions based more on what you want tomorrow, the next day, or ten years from now, than what you want. . . right now.
I believe we make our life what it is - choose who we are and what we have - by how we respond to our circumstances. I don't care who you are, someone on this earth has now or has had in the past worse than you - and overcame it to make their life GREAT. The only real difference between the person living in strife and the person living in happiness is the choices they have made.
Stop blaming and make a change.
Most Don't Want To Believe This To Be True
The reason this is such an unpopular opinion is because so many, who don't have the life they want, don't want to admit that they don't have what they want, because they choose not to. They don't want to face the fact that their life could have been different (or even could be different), if only they had made different chooses in the past or even right now. They don't want to acknowledge that they may have been able to create the life they wanted, had they only realized the power was within them.
Those are hard things to face - but they are the truth.
It's Not Just A Matter Of Perspective
Sure, I've been dealt a pretty easy hand - a loving family that has supported me, a good education that has given me opportunities that I never would have thought possible, and genetics that have enabled me to be "lazy" with my habits and still maintain a relatively healthy body. My circumstances have been easier than most. So maybe it's easier for me to say these things.
However, that doesn't mean that I have been given everything I want - nor everything I need to make me happy.
Circumstance and fortune are wonderful things if they line up in your favor, But it is still your responsibility to choose the right path - often the hard path to get what you want.
An Easy Life Doesn't Guarantee Happiness or Success
Frankly, a life without strife and hardship to overcome, although easy, is a double edge sword - because nothing great lasts forever and past happiness and success doesn't guarantee more of the same in the future.
Additionally, the one thing in life that you can count on is change. Unlike those who battle daily - overcoming their struggles - those who have been given everything, or had it "easy" as a child or even as an adult, often hit a wall, when they face real life struggles - circumstances which they did not foresee that are devastating to their current condition.
The rich turn to drugs and alcohol at alarming rates. Divorce rates are higher in the more advanced "Western" cultures than in less sophisticated third world countries. And the suicide rates of "well to-do Executives" are as high if not higher than those of inner city homeless people.
If happiness and success were dependent solely on circumstance, none of these things would be true.
Look at your own life, did you learn and grow more from the things that came easy to you, or those that you earned. Do you respect yourself more or feel more pride in your efforts if what you achieve comes to you easily or as a result of considerable effort.
Bottom line is that your life isn't defined by your circumstances, but instead by your choices.. Life is a balance of opportunity and misfortune. And happiness and success exist in our lives based on the choices we make given the circumstances we face each and every day to create the world we want to live in. But don't kid yourself, just because you have the choice, doesn't make the choice easy. . . it only means that it's your to make.
From old to young, short to tall, rich, poor, Black, White, Latino, Native American, Catholic, Muslin, Jew, French, Japanese, or American, it doesn't matter, we live the circumstances we have been given. But, we choose the life we will have tomorrow.
This is the principle that we will be held accountable to our choices. Even though we may not have intentionally chosen the results, we did make the choices that led to those results.
The sooner we accept this fact, the quicker we can begin to change our current condition.
The Reality Behind The Power Of Choice
Let's face it. It's easy to feel sorry for yourself or anyone else because either you or they are repressed, deprived, starving or in other atrocious conditions. But, the truth is, every day, we all make choices to either perpetuate our current conditions or to change them. The fact that you aren't aware of this fact, doesn't make it less true - it only makes you ignorant.
I know this sounds harsh. But if you don't believe that you have a choice in your response to the conditions in your life, then you really have no hope to change your life - and you are forced to rely only on blind faith - and "hope" that someone or something will create happiness and success for you.
I'm not buying it. The way I see it, without accepting the idea that life is about liberty, freedom, and choices that you make in response to your circumstances every day, your existence becomes what others (friends, family, your Government, or your God) choose for you. And you are just living out what good (or bad) fortune life, God, or others bestow upon you.
Don't Give Up The Ability To Choose Your Own Life
Rather than looking at your condition as something out of your control, change it. Make a different choice that is different than the one you chose yesterday. Look not only at your current situation, but also the one you want to create and make you decisions based more on what you want tomorrow, the next day, or ten years from now, than what you want. . . right now.
I believe we make our life what it is - choose who we are and what we have - by how we respond to our circumstances. I don't care who you are, someone on this earth has now or has had in the past worse than you - and overcame it to make their life GREAT. The only real difference between the person living in strife and the person living in happiness is the choices they have made.
Stop blaming and make a change.
Most Don't Want To Believe This To Be True
The reason this is such an unpopular opinion is because so many, who don't have the life they want, don't want to admit that they don't have what they want, because they choose not to. They don't want to face the fact that their life could have been different (or even could be different), if only they had made different chooses in the past or even right now. They don't want to acknowledge that they may have been able to create the life they wanted, had they only realized the power was within them.
Those are hard things to face - but they are the truth.
It's Not Just A Matter Of Perspective
Sure, I've been dealt a pretty easy hand - a loving family that has supported me, a good education that has given me opportunities that I never would have thought possible, and genetics that have enabled me to be "lazy" with my habits and still maintain a relatively healthy body. My circumstances have been easier than most. So maybe it's easier for me to say these things.
However, that doesn't mean that I have been given everything I want - nor everything I need to make me happy.
Circumstance and fortune are wonderful things if they line up in your favor, But it is still your responsibility to choose the right path - often the hard path to get what you want.
An Easy Life Doesn't Guarantee Happiness or Success
Frankly, a life without strife and hardship to overcome, although easy, is a double edge sword - because nothing great lasts forever and past happiness and success doesn't guarantee more of the same in the future.
Additionally, the one thing in life that you can count on is change. Unlike those who battle daily - overcoming their struggles - those who have been given everything, or had it "easy" as a child or even as an adult, often hit a wall, when they face real life struggles - circumstances which they did not foresee that are devastating to their current condition.
The rich turn to drugs and alcohol at alarming rates. Divorce rates are higher in the more advanced "Western" cultures than in less sophisticated third world countries. And the suicide rates of "well to-do Executives" are as high if not higher than those of inner city homeless people.
If happiness and success were dependent solely on circumstance, none of these things would be true.
Look at your own life, did you learn and grow more from the things that came easy to you, or those that you earned. Do you respect yourself more or feel more pride in your efforts if what you achieve comes to you easily or as a result of considerable effort.
Bottom line is that your life isn't defined by your circumstances, but instead by your choices.. Life is a balance of opportunity and misfortune. And happiness and success exist in our lives based on the choices we make given the circumstances we face each and every day to create the world we want to live in. But don't kid yourself, just because you have the choice, doesn't make the choice easy. . . it only means that it's your to make.
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Answer Is Within You
Every night before I kiss my daughter Good Night (on the nights that I have my kids) I ask her two questions - the first is "Who makes you happy?" And every night, her answer is the same, "Me." The second is "Who do you make happy?" And the answer is again, "Me".
That may sound completely crazy, but the purpose is simple - to give my daughter self-confidence and empower her with the ability to control her own happiness. Literally, I do it to help her understand, at a very young age, that the answer to all of her questions is within her.
It is a lesson that we all need to truly understand - the lesson that the power to our own happiness and success is within US. It doesn't come from some outside force, like our parents, our spouse, our kids, or for that matter, the Government. I don't care if you are small business, an International Conglomerate, self employed, or unemployed. You will not be "successful" until you can do it on your own.
In the troubled times we live in, we've seemed to have forgotten that lesson - that is if any of us really understood it anyway. Everyone is looking for someone else to help them. In today's society, it seems that most expect the Government to do everything for them - and we now have a Government telling everyone that they will - enabling the idea. In fact, in a recent Fox News Channel poll, more than 65% of Americans think the Government should provide food and healthcare and over 50% think the Government should provide shelter (a home) - it's absolutely insane. What happened to the American Dream - Life, Liberty, and the PURSUIT of Happiness?
This is not the spirit that made America the great nation that it is - the leader of the Free World. This is the mentality of a Third World Nation, led by a Socialist Dictator. And it is simply because we have stopped teaching our children that the power to become successful lies within them.
Now, don't get me wrong. I understand that people need help from time to time. Nothing is completely black and white. But, help should be on an individual basis - when and where it is needed. It should be a hand-up - NOT a hand out.
So, as you go about your day, figure out how to posture yourself to take control of your life - how to find the answer to your needs inside your own creativity, ingenuity, intelligence and commitment. And start by telling yourself, out loud:
Tell yourself this every day - morning and night. Do it as faithfully as your brush your teeth or shower. You might not see results immediately - you have years and years of beliefs that it isn't true to overcome. But I promise you this. . . if you commit to reading and saying these words every morning when you wake up and just before you go to bed at night, you will be shocked by the changes inside your heart and soul - and how it manifests in the world around you.
That may sound completely crazy, but the purpose is simple - to give my daughter self-confidence and empower her with the ability to control her own happiness. Literally, I do it to help her understand, at a very young age, that the answer to all of her questions is within her.
It is a lesson that we all need to truly understand - the lesson that the power to our own happiness and success is within US. It doesn't come from some outside force, like our parents, our spouse, our kids, or for that matter, the Government. I don't care if you are small business, an International Conglomerate, self employed, or unemployed. You will not be "successful" until you can do it on your own.
In the troubled times we live in, we've seemed to have forgotten that lesson - that is if any of us really understood it anyway. Everyone is looking for someone else to help them. In today's society, it seems that most expect the Government to do everything for them - and we now have a Government telling everyone that they will - enabling the idea. In fact, in a recent Fox News Channel poll, more than 65% of Americans think the Government should provide food and healthcare and over 50% think the Government should provide shelter (a home) - it's absolutely insane. What happened to the American Dream - Life, Liberty, and the PURSUIT of Happiness?
This is not the spirit that made America the great nation that it is - the leader of the Free World. This is the mentality of a Third World Nation, led by a Socialist Dictator. And it is simply because we have stopped teaching our children that the power to become successful lies within them.
Now, don't get me wrong. I understand that people need help from time to time. Nothing is completely black and white. But, help should be on an individual basis - when and where it is needed. It should be a hand-up - NOT a hand out.
So, as you go about your day, figure out how to posture yourself to take control of your life - how to find the answer to your needs inside your own creativity, ingenuity, intelligence and commitment. And start by telling yourself, out loud:
My happiness and success is my responsibility.
It is no one's job but my own.
I can create opportunity and make a difference in this world.
I have the power - I only need to harness it and make it work for me.
It is no one's job but my own.
I can create opportunity and make a difference in this world.
I have the power - I only need to harness it and make it work for me.
Tell yourself this every day - morning and night. Do it as faithfully as your brush your teeth or shower. You might not see results immediately - you have years and years of beliefs that it isn't true to overcome. But I promise you this. . . if you commit to reading and saying these words every morning when you wake up and just before you go to bed at night, you will be shocked by the changes inside your heart and soul - and how it manifests in the world around you.
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