Four Steps to Turning A Bad Situation Around

How's your business doing?

How is your financial situation?

If you are like most people in America (and around the world for that matter), things aren't as good as you would like them to be.

Sure, in your mind, you might be blaming the economy and things that are out of your control for your current condition - which is not the healthiest thing to do on its own. But I don't believe that's why you haven't done anything about it.

So the question is . . . Why aren't you doing anything about it?

Why haven't you made the changes that you knew you were going to need to make sooner?

Why haven't you change your spending habits? Why haven't you have a garage sale to clean the junk you have all over the place to generate a little more cash? Or why haven't you posted them on eBay or Craig's List? And why haven't you called the credit card company and asked for a lower interest rate?

Or, even harder, why haven't you asked your friends and family for help?

The answers to these questions for most people might surprise you to read . . . although I think you know it already - deep down in your heart, whether you are feeling it now or have felt it in the past. The answer is, you feel shameful.

Ironically, in spite of the causes, many people that find themselves in "tough times" aren't locked into those positions because they don't know what to do. Instead most get stuck in ruts and difficult situations because of Shame - because of the painful emotion caused by a conscious (or even unconscious) awareness of their guilt or personal shortcoming that caused them to be where they are. And taking the steps necessary to fix the situation requires them to admit both privately and publicly that they did have a hand in the situation. And we all struggle with forgive ourselves of our own shortcomings.

The First Step - Face the Truth

Before you can do much else in repairing your situation, you have to face the truth. I don't care who you are, and what your situation is, you have to believe that you control your destiny, if you want to change your life for the better. Now that doesn't mean that bad things don't happen to good people - there is no doubt about that. But no matter the situation, you get to choose your response and eventually how the situation will turn out for you.

Accept responsibility for your choices that led to the situation. And then look inside yourself and decide whether or not you are stuck because someone or something is holding you back . . . Or if you are stifled in your position because you are holding yourself back, and why?

The Second Step - Release the Guilt and the Shame

Now that you have faced the truth of your situation, if not publicly, at least privately, it's time to take what is often the most difficult step to take in any change effort. And that is forgive yourself for the choices you have made to this point . . . both the good and bad choices.

Forgive yourself and release the guilt and shame that is holding you back from becoming all that you can and truly want to be. Because if you don't release the guilt and the shame, you will self-sabotage your efforts.

Remember, you can't change the past. But you don't have to relive it every day for the rest of your life either.

Learn from it.

Put it behind you.

And move on to making the choices that will help you become the you that you truly want to be.

The Third Step - Build a Plan and Enlist Help

Now that you have faced the truth and released your negative feelings so that you can move forward, it's time to do the fun stuff - planning the way forward.

The third step in the process of turn around your business and personal struggles is building a plan - a way forward. Suffice it to say that I could write for hours on this subject, but let me KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) for you:

- Figure out the real truth of your current condition (where you are)
- Define your goals / vision (where you want to go)
- Break down all the steps along way that you will have to accomplish to achieve the goals (what you have to do - one step at a time)
- List the obstacles that are going to get in your way (including your own mindset, if applicable).
- Figure out who can help you and enlist their support (who do you need help from)
- Build into the plan, a method for staying on track - a form of accountability to keep you from falling backwards and / or help you recognize the hiccups that come up along the way. (what is your feedback loop to keep you moving in the right direction)

The Fourth and Final Step - Take One Step at a Time

If you have gotten this far, you are about 90% there. Now all you have to do is follow your plan.

Just remember, you wrote a plan for a reason . . . you can't do it all at one time. As the saying goes, "You can't eat an elephant in one bite".

Take things ONE STEP AT A TIME . . . Obstacle at a time . . . One day at a time . . . And before you know it, you will have reached your goal and put what ever was "in your past" in your past for good.

Relationships Last As Long As There Is Shared Vision

Interesting thing I've noticed about people. They can endure nearly anything and overcome any obstacles as long as they have a vision of something better in the future. Ask any POW or read the stories from Viktor Frankl, and the message is the same – vision of a better future is what will carry you forward.

Unfortunately, without that vision of a brighter future, people can hardly endure even the slightest struggle.

As a coach, I find this holds true as much in relationships (business or personal) as it does on an individual level. But in relationships, unlike personal vision, lost shared vision can and usually mean the beginning of the end of the relationship.

When two or more people come together to create a shared vision of the future they are trying to create, no obstacle or struggle will get in their way. They look at barriers as opportunities and revel in working together to solve the problems they face. But if they don't have a shared vision or if their personal visions begin to deviate too far from the shared vision, even the smallest obstacle can spell the doom for the relationship.

Partners in business see this all the time. One partner begins to see the future differently as circumstance or his life changes, and the decisions that need to be made jointly become more and more contentious. They struggle as the day-to-day dealings which were tolerable in the past, become down right impossible when you know that you want different things for the future. And sadly, it is precisely at the moment when one or all of the partners can no longer see how they will ever be able to want the same things again, that the partnership is over. It might take days, weeks or years to consummate the end, but nothing can undo what has been done.

So what can you do about this? People change. What they want evolves and their visions of the future they want morph. How can this be avoided?

In some cases, it is inevitable. The relationship must come to an end - the parties are just too far apart. But those are honestly rare - and with ample attention to these principles at the beginning of the relationship and throughout the life of the team, a lot of heartache and pain can be avoided.

What it takes is a little work and focus at the beginning of the relationship. That work is clearly defining a shared vision - taking it from implied to stated. It means writing down the words that every one agrees on and doing your best to honor the personal vision of all the participants.

Ahh, but the work doesn't end there, simply because life doesn't end there! Shared vision requires all parties to not only commit to the vision, but to also commit to communicate if they begin to feel they don't agree with it any more - even slightly.

It's about sharing when you begin to feel that you want something different - communicating the difference to all involved. Sometimes this may be a big deal, but I find that's rarely the case - if communicated promptly.

The truth is (and we all know it), it's not that small differences will destroy the relationship. But small differences show a trend of deviation - a widening gap. The good news is that regardless of the issue, a trend if caught early enough can be remedied - by altering the vision slightly for the evolving dreams of the individuals involved.

However if the deviation of one's personal vision begins to grow too far from the shared vision, a rift begins to form. This split will often result in resentment and disillusionment about the partnership.

So if you want to have a great partnership - business or personal, take the following steps:

1. Write a shared vision with all involved.

2. Plan to review the shared vision periodically to evaluate its relevance and make changes as necessary to keep all actively engaged.

And actively commit to both the vision and the promise that it represents.

The Difference Between Reality and Wishes - Can You Tell The Difference?

I'm having a bit of a quandary, and I would like to share a couple of interesting statements with you that I heard a couple days ago.

The first is, "If I could just have a few more hours in my day, every day, I could get done everything I want to get done."

And the second is, "My life is perfect, I don't want to change a thing."

Would you believe both of these statements came from one person? And did so within just moments of each other - almost in the same breath.

My question is, which one is the truth? Which one is a better reflection of that individual's current reality?

If you ask me, one is their current reality and the other is their dream. The question is which is which. The funny thing is that had I asked the individual I was talking to, I'm sure our answers would have been different.

Unfortunately, when I talk to new clients or perspective clients I get statements so much like these - complete contradictions. Everything in their life is great, but at the same time it isn't. In their minds, both statements are completely true and they've managed to convince themselves that believing two opposing statements to be true as something normal.

Let's face it - nothing is perfect. And if something or someone does manage to get close, you can count on the fact that it won't last long. The only thing you can count on in the life is that everything will change - and even perfection will fade to imperfection.

If you don't believe me, ask anyone who has a "perfect" life, and you will see that it is either a facade or they are working very hard to keep it that way.

I'm not judging the statements or making any presumptions about the individual that made them. I would never presume to know what anyone needs or what they should do. But I will tell you that until they perceive these two statements as completely contradictory, they will never truly have either.

The key in creating the life you want is first seeing reality as it is - now as you want it to be. And when you finally do see it as it is, the next big step is realizing that you can not solve a problem or change a situation with the same thought process that you had when you created it.

What does all that mean? If you want to change your circumstance in life - change who you are, and everything around you will follow. Change how you look at your situation, and you will begin to change the situation. Begin by being who and what you want to be, and the reality will follow you.

Bottom line, if you have a perfect life, congratulations. I hope you are working hard to keep it. But if there is anything that you want to improve - regardless of what it is - then take action. And do so, within yourself to begin with.

So if you feel this contradiction in your life or hear yourself saying these words - stop and think long and hard - which answer is really the truth and which is your dream. And if you decide to make a change, look first in the mirror and change what you see in the reflection - don't change the mirror.