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What Are You Hoping To Achieve?

2011-04-19T22:26:00.004-04:00

A funny thing often happens when you try to win an argument with a partner or stakeholder in your business - you often win the battle and lose the war.

The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress

Joseph Joubert

Next time you find yourself in an argument, stop and ask yourself why am I fighting? What do I hope to gain from this fight?

Why Am I Fighting?

Is it to improve the situation? I doubt it, because more times than not, an argument only causes more rifts in a relationship.

Is it because you are trying to find the best solution for the given situation? Also usually not the case.

Or is it because you have attached winning to your pride and you know that you are right?

Bingo!

Winning isn't about being right. Instead, winning is usually about achieving what you want to achieve - creating the outcome you desire. But, because when we argue, we let emotions drive our actions, instead of our mind, we forget what we want and end up losing not only what we want, but also put a barrier between you and the person or people you are trying to work with.

When we argue, we become sidetracked from what we set out to achieve and end up wanting only to win.

Ground Yourself in What You Want

So when you find yourself wanting more to win than anything else, wanting to prove the other person wrong no matter what, or just forgetting what caused the argument to begin with, STOP. Take a breath. And figure out what you really want long term, not just to win the argument.

Do you want the other person to feel hurt or wrong? Really, do you? Is that what you set out to achieve or is it just going to make you feel better?

Do you want to win, or would you like to find the solution that is best . . . for both of you? And, of course, will keep your relationship strong and intact?

It's not always easy to think clearly and calmly, when emotions start to flare. But the individual that can stay focused on what they want - what they want to achieve - will always end up on the winning side of any argument.

Where Do I Find The Answers?

2011-04-18T23:08:00.011-04:00

I've heard it said, "We do not see the world as it is. Rather we see it as we are."

What exactly does that mean?

To me, it means that each of us sees the world a little differently.

As such, I think the answers to the most important questions in our lives are less based on the opinions or ideas of others and more on how we see it all and who we are.

If you ask anyone that you meet what makes them happy . . . or what makes them sad, you will undoubtedly hear as many different things as there are people on this earth. Sure there are some consistent themes, family, health, and success, but everyone has their own wants and desires.

I would argue the mistake many of us make is that we look for the answers to life's toughest questions outside of ourselves. We turn to books. We turn to religion. We turn to inspiring leaders. We turn to anything that will give us the meaning and purpose we seek.

But everywhere we turn, everything we read, every story we hear is shaped by our own presence. We are less influenced by the ideas and thoughts of others than we think. But rather the ideas of others that "inspire" us are reflections of who we are and what we seek.

Each thing we read, hear or experience is shaped by the perceptions we have stepping into the situation. We aren't observers in life, we are participants.

When you read a story, it's not the first story you have ever read (or experienced), you bring to the story your own perceptions and you take away from that story only the memories that you choose to take away - usually those that align with what you already believed and accepted.

When sitting in a church, everyone is listening to the sermon that is being spoken, but not everyone is hearing and understanding the same thing. We'd like to think these things are all the same, but they aren't. Each of us is only hearing and absorbing into our consciousness, the elements that align with what we believe. If we are hopeful and happy, we will hear hope and happiness. If we are sad and wanting to feel self-deprecation, then we will find it in the words spoken before us. If we are looking for salvation, then we will find salvation. But none of these ideas came from outside of ourselves, they came from within us - because of who we are, not what was said.

The answers aren't in the sermon, they are in our own hearts.

If you wonder about this, see for yourself. Stop any two people who have listened to the same preacher, witnessed the same event, or read the same book, ask them what they took away from it. I suspect they will be stronger reflections of who they are than what was said.

So stop looking elsewhere for answers - they are inside of you already. You just haven't found them yet. But make no mistake, they are there.

Some people are able to find their own voice . . . their own vision. Others struggle with it. It's not an easy task and it often takes quiet solitude to hear your own voice. Truth is, many people can never stand the isolation or silence long enough to hear their own voice and have to hear it or see it in others to find it themselves. That's ok, but give yourself the credit you deserve - accept inspiration, but own your own vision and ideas.

Just because you might need inspiration from great writers or artists to be able to verbalize it or visualize it, doesn't mean your answers came from those individuals, only that you found your answers through their words and images.

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Four years ago, I started coaching because I wanted to help people - I wanted to change the world one person at a time. But as I learned very quickly and have been reminded time and again, coaches (be it executive coaches, life coaches, or any type of coach) don't provide answers, they help people find their own answers. They ask questions that will help others find their voice and help them use their voice to be who and what they want to be.

I know it's been about nine months since I last wrote anything in this blog, but tonight I felt inspired to write down these thoughts.

As it turns out, my last entry was actually about writing a vision - what I believe is the guiding light of who we are and the source of most of our answers. I truly feel that our vision holds the answers to most any tough question we face.

Every time I see a client struggle with what to do next, how to take the next step, and they want me to provide them answers, I ask them to look inside themselves - tell them to look at their vision and see if there answers are somewhere there, staring them straight in the face.

Below, I share my personal vision with anyone who is reading this. I share it as part of my growth and invite those in my life to challenge me to become everything that I have set out to become. I wrote it nearly nearly seven years ago and, except for a very few, small changes, it still holds truth for me. With everything that has gone on in my life, it still guides me and gives me purpose. I share it because I can't be my vision without doing so.

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- I will be trustworthy and I will be impeccable with my word.

- I will love Garret and Turner always – being the best Dad that I can be. I will honor their spirits as they grow and mature – providing both roots and wings for the rest of their lives.

- I will live a loving life – caring for those whose lives I come in contact with, today, tomorrow and forever.

- I will be open and honest in the way I conduct my life and invite others to open up to me through the establishment of trusting relationships.

- I will be a better leader for myself and a better leader for all whose lives I touch.

- I will focus on maintaining spirit in my life – focusing on the energy that spiritual thoughts bring to my life.

- I will live an honest life – honest with myself and those around me – and I will work everyday to stamp out the lies that hurt me.

- I will treat others as I wish to be treated. I will respond to others actions the way that I wish they respond to mine.

- I will live in the now – I will live for today – not focusing on the past or worrying about things out of my control in the future.

- I will be open to trusting those that I choose to be a part of my life.

- I will grow – taking the time necessary to develop the whole me – physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

- I will treat each day like it is the first day of the rest of my life – and live it like it could be my last.

Build a Personal Vision

2010-07-13T11:42:00.004-04:00

"The first thing is to love your sport. Never do it to please someone else. It has to be yours."
Peggy Flemming (1968 Olympic Gold Medalist)

Building a personal vision sounds hard, doesn't it? That's because we rarely stop long enough to figure out what we really want. We don't do it for three primary reasons. First, it scares the hell out of us to think about our happiness and what makes us happy. Second, we think we are too busy living our lives to take the time necessary to stop and figure out what we want out of life. And finally, the last major reason we avoid doing the work to build our vision is because we think that by writing it down, it will be written in stone - and when it doesn't happen, we feel like we've failed. As long as we don't write it down and don't face it everyday, we will always be able to blame someone or something else for not having our vision - we are afraid of what committing actually means.

Nothing could be further from the truth - our vision grows with us. It doesn't have to be permanent and it certainly doesn't have to be anything we fear. So, before we can make our desired future a reality, it must first exist in the real world, tangibly - not in your head, but written down in a place and in way that you can see it, touch and feel it, each and every day of your life.

So, we're going to make it simple to build your personal vision. . .

RIGHT NOW!!!

Let's start by getting a piece of paper, the bigger the better - I recommend a poster board that is at least 24"x36". You have a lot to put on it and it will need room to grow, over time - as you grow. Get some Sharpies (lots of colors), some paste, a pair of scissors and lots of newspapers, magazines and even old junk mail.

You can start anyway you want, but what I recommend is taking a little of time and think about what you want your life to look like - what you want your life to be. And how you hope your life will have been when it is all over. And how you want your friends and family to feel about you when you are gone.

I've included some questions to think about to help you do this. You can answer them individually, or just read them and let them soak into your thoughts.

Then, just start writing on the poster board with the Sharpies (in as many different colors as you have), every thing that comes to mind. Fill it with your thoughts and your dreams writing them out as randomly or as organized as they come to you.

- You've been given a gift - instead of going strait to heaven, you get to hear what all of your friends and family are saying about you at your funeral. What do you hope to hear?
- What people, things, hobbies, jobs and activities make you feel good about yourself?
- What were your favorite things to do when you were younger? Think about all the major stages of your life. What are your favorite things now?
- What things do you want to do, but either don't know how or are afraid of trying? What is your "Bucket List"?
- Have you ever been so intensely working in or on something that you completely lost track of time? What was it?
- Who in your life do you respect the most? Who inspires you? Who do you turn to when you need help? Why?
- What are your God's given talents in life? What are you best at? What things do others come to you for help with?
- If you had the opportunity to teach something or pass along a message to a large group, what would it be?
- What would you not give up in your life? Looking back, what things, people or events in your life would you most regret if you had not had the opportunity to experience?
- What are your core values - the non-negotiables in your life?
- What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you've overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?
- What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with?
- How do you give back to the world - your friends, and your family, your community and total strangers.

Now, you've got words, phrases, ideas, and principals that shape your thought process right in front of you. But let's not stop here. Let's bring your ideas to life - make them jump out at you everyday.

Let's make your ideas a visual collage that will capture your imagination!!!

Finally, get out your magazines, old newspapers, old pictures, and any other images that you can find (including those you print off of the internet). Go through everything you have, cutting out images, headlines, phrases (anything you can find) that encapsulate your words and start pasting them all over the board.

Make them overlap, like the ideas in your head. Organize them if you would like. Or make them completely random, it doesn't matter. The key is that it is your Vision - no one else's. There is no right and there is no wrong.

This poster is your Personal Vision!!!
Whether you are having a good day or a bad one, look at it everyday. Let it get inside you and remind you what matters most to. Use the images to guide you through your decisions everyday. And make sure that you live each day, doing what you can to make each it become more than your vision - make it become your reality.

Five Minutes A Day - That's All It Takes To Change Your Life

2010-05-10T22:00:00.004-04:00

When was the last time you looked at your long term goals?

When was the last time you started your day analyzing what you did yesterday to help you achieve your goals, and what you did that prevented those desires?

And when was the last time you took a minute or two to visualize your day ahead. I'm not talking about seeing in your mind's eye EVERYTHING you are going to do that day (that's silly), but at least visualizing yourself accomplishing all that you hope to achieve that day . . . before you do.

All things on this earth happen twice - first in your mind, then in your action.

See what your day will be. Ground yourself in the goals you choose both in the long term and the short. Put those ideas in the forefront of your mind and they will begin to affect the decisions you make throughout your day.

That's right. Start your morning a bit differently. Take FIVE Minutes to review in your mind what you want to be, who you want to become in your life, and what you are planning to do to bring your vision closer to becoming a reality. See yourself acting the way you want to act, doing what you know you need to do, and achieving all that you want to achieve that day.

To help yourself even more, write these things down on read them every morning. Write them down because consistency matters.

Just Take FIVE Minutes - No More . . . No Less.

- FIVE Minutes is all it takes to start your day off with the frame of thought that puts the most important things in your life (for that day) into you conscious mind so that you have them there all day long.

- FIVE Minutes to ground yourself on who you are, what you want to be and how you are planning to get there.

- FIVE Minutes to review your "yesterday" - looking back at everything that both worked and didn't work for you - so that you can make the coming "today" better than yesterday.

- FIVE Minutes to stop and plan out your day, so that you have more control over it than you normally have.

- FIVE Minutes to live life on purpose, rather than just let it happen to you.

Be Different Than Most Others Who Make Excuses Why They Can't

This idea is a key element to my coaching process and I've seen it work, time and time again. I ask all my clients to give themselves just FIVE Minutes to start their day - time to set their mind straight and prepare themselves for the day ahead. Unfortunately, most people tell me they don't have enough time in their day to do this - and I suspect you are thinking this as well.

They tell me, "There is so much to do in the morning - shower, eat, get the kids ready for school, get dressed, and get to work on time."

All of these things are important, right?

Absolutely!

And we all know that there is never enough time to get all the sleep we need, so . . .

Where does the FIVE Minutes come from?

It comes from your attitude.

If you want the FIVE Minutes to be there - if you set your mind to making sure that it is there - it will be.

You might eat and shower a bit quicker, start empowering your children a bit more to get themselves ready in the morning, or even get up just a minute or two earlier. My point is that when something matters, you make time for it.

So before you start making excuses for not having FIVE more minutes available to you in the morning, ask yourself what's more important - making today better than yesterday or making sure that nothing changes from one day to the next in your life?

It's Not What You Are Taught, But Rather What You LEARN

2010-05-03T20:00:00.000-04:00

I had an interesting conversation with a client the other day. As it turns out, he had a GREAT day. Despite all the issues that life threw at him - as it always does - he was able to handle them all and still meet his loaded agenda of daily goals.

Being the ever mindful coach, my question to him was, "Well, what did you learn?"

His answer reaffirmed a very important lesson to me (which I then dutifully brought full circle back to my client) . . .

It's Not What You Are Taught, But Instead What You LEARN

So many of us go from book to book, class to class, and degree to degree seeking out the knowledge that will give us the edge - the advantage over our competitors.

I've got some bad new for you.

Life isn't about what you are taught - no matter who the teacher is. All that matters is what you learn - and often times you can learn as much from your own experiences as you can from the greatest teachers in history.

The Premise of My Coaching Practice

I don't care where you learn what you learn - the source is irrelevant. I don't care where you go for your teachings, so long as you apply them to your daily life and make a difference with them. And in the context of coaching, what matters most to me is that you learn what works for you and your business and you apply the ideas for repeat successes time and time again.

According to The Free Dictionary, learning is "the act, process, or experience of gaining knowledge or skill."

That's right you have to gain the knowledge for it actually make a difference. So you can be shown, read or listen to anything you want, until it becomes knowledge to YOU, it is worthless.

So, when you find what does work for YOU - even if it's your own invention . . . KEEP DOING IT. It doesn't matter if it works for anyone else, so long as it works for you and helps you achieve YOUR goals and the goals of your organization, then you better LEARN what it is that you just did. Because rather than just doing it randomly or haphazardly, you need to start doing it intentionally.

Do it by choice rather than by chance.

Furthermore, when you find something that isn't working in your life or your business . . . that's when you turn to the experts. That's when you pull out Seth Godin for Marketing support, Zig Ziglar for motivational Sales support, or even turn to a coach for a little bit of everything.

That's when you turn to your teacher to help you find something you don't already know. That's when learn something new.

Sounds Simple - But Life Often Is

I know it sounds simple, but that's all there is to improving your business and your life - two steps. First, look at what's working and do it by choice. Two, figure out what isn't working and find out how to make it just a little bit better. You don't have to go crazy with change - just take small steps. If those small steps work, well, back to Step One, if not repeat as necessary.

Believe it or not, you will be amazed at how quickly you can make your dreams come true.

When Conversations Go Awry

2010-04-30T10:00:00.002-04:00

Ever have a conversation with a customer, employee, friend or family member that didn't go the way you expected?

Ever take a step too far with your words, in a vulnerable way, and then NOT know what to do next – because your emotions started taking you over?

You know the feeling . . . your adrenal glands kicks in strong – almost instantaneously – and you jump directly into a "Fight or Flight" mode of operation.

I don't care who you are, I believe there are those that have experienced this . . . and those that will.

In fact, I'd like to say that I'm in the latter group, but more times than I'd like to admit, I find that I have to physically remove my foot from my mouth. And as much as I know how best to respond, my adrenaline still often gets the best of me.

Awkward moments are a part of life.

If you want to grow, professionally or personally in this world, you have to take chances. Feeling vulnerable and sometimes being a little too vulnerable is how you find out who you are and how to get better in “difficult situations”.

In business, it often happens in a sales environment, where you are pushing to make the sale. It happens when you are trying to open yourself to the client to build trust and a bond that you might cross the line. Maybe it's an untimely comment or joke, but you can immediately see it in the eyes of the person you are talking to.

In life, it might happen when you are opening up to a friend or family member – about something you have done or shouldn't have done in your past.

I talk about life and business being 10% of what happens either to you or caused by you and 90% how you respond – this is no different.

A Personal Experience

Recently, I found myself in this type of situation. I was talking to someone that means a lot to me, and I shared something that was not received the way I anticipated or had hoped.

Was it scary? Absolutely!

Did my fight or flight response kick in? You Betcha!

Truth is, I made things worse by not responding in a positive way, and letting fear drive my actions, rather than responding with my intentions in mind and staying focused through the process.

I let the “fight or flight” take over and I definitely made things worse . . . before they got better.

How To Handle The Situation When You Find Yourself NOT Going The Way You Expected.

Unlike many difficult situations you find yourself in, this is usually one that you didn't see coming. But that doesn't mean that you can't stay strong and not let the situation define you - rather than the other way around.

The key is recognizing it as it is happening. I believe, those that can feel that “fight or flight” response and funnel their emotional energy and focus it, can turn a tough situation into something that makes the relationship stronger than before.

So when you find yourself in a difficult situation like this – when you are looking across the table at someone who is pulling back from your last words – it's important to reconnect and go back to the basics - go back to your shared vision - and not get stuck in whatever it was that just got in the way.

So ask yourself, what is it that you both want – not solely what YOU want . . . nor just what the other person(s) want, but what you want together. Focus on what you both are looking for in the relationship why you are talking to begin with.

Remember to focus on your intent to help achieve that vision, and steer the conversation away from the words.

Be STRONG, but not belligerent.

Be confident, but not overbearing.

Listen and make sure you are respecting the others position and how they are feeling, and move forward.

You are both (all) trying to figure out how to move beyond the uncomfortable words that have been spoken – back on track with what you want. You are trying to take your relationship forward to where you both agree the relationship can grow.

And the good news is . . . in almost every case . . . you can.

Inspired By A Simple Conversation With A Good Friend

2010-04-26T21:37:00.011-04:00

It has been quite some time since I last wrote in this blog. I have a number of reasons . . . but they are all excuses. And although we all think our reasons are "valid", I don't want to disrespect you or waste your time by pretending they are justified. Suffice it to say that I let life get in the way.

If you are coming back and enjoying my blog again after my long hiatus, Thank You. I appreciate the second chance.

Or if you are a first time reader, I hope you enjoy.

Either way, I hope to incite some conversation about business and life. And I look forward to engaging with you through discussion and generating new and insight methods to deal with the struggles that we all face in both our business and in our every day lives. And even more so, I hope that I can show that as much as we all try to separate the two, Business and Life, the two are so closely related, that it's often hard to tell where one end and the other begins.

So, without further ado, let me get back to blogging . . .

I had an interesting conversation with a good friend of mine yesterday about a simple concept that I've written about before, but I think warrants new light to be shown on the topic.

You can't manage . . . or improve consistently, what you don't measure.

What do you truly want to change in your business or in your life? When it comes to your goals, what do you want? Where would you like to be tomorrow . . . next month . . . or even next year?

If you are you thinking from a business perspective, you might be looking for more sales, more new clients, decreased costs or maybe more market share?

Or maybe your goals are more personal in nature. More income? Weight loss? Healthier lifestyle? Lower cholesterol? Or maybe a better education?

What would make you happy?

Time and time again, the more I live, the more I see a pattern . . . if you set and commit to a goal (a specific, measurable goal), measure your progress consistently over the entire time span of the goal, you can't help but begin to see improvement, towards the goal, if not complete fulfillment of that goal.

Are things going to change right away? Absolutely NOT!

But they will change. Not because of something magical that happens when you set and measure goals. No, life doesn't work that way. Things change because YOU will start making a difference in the way you behave - you will begin to change the way you behave, if for no other reason because you will get tired of facing the failure each and every day of not improving.

Will you get it right the first time? Possibly, but not always. You will have to "adjust fire" (as the Army likes to say - correcting for missing the target on the first shot), but if you are measuring and you have defined goals, you will be more likely to find the combination that gives you the best opportunity to be "more right" with each subsequent change.

Why is Goal Setting and Measuring Results So Hard?

Unfortunately, in spite of the simplicity of these ideas, we still struggle. In fact, what we all, as flawed human beings, tend to do is to say we want something, and then NOT put into place the systems we need to make sure we actually to ensure our success.

We do this by:

1. Not measuring what we want to improve. We leave our goal nebulous and random so that we can make growth towards that goal COMPLETELY at our emotional whim. If we feel good about what we have done, we say we fulfilled our goal. When we don't feel good about how we are doing, we say we failed. Either way we move on - forgetting (intentionally or unintentionally) what the original goal really was in the first place.

2. Not measuring "interim results" or "the process". Sometimes the end results are a long time coming - or just plain difficult to measure. When this occurs, it's important to set up measurements that are either direct inputs into the results you want, are by-products of your achievements, or are associated with the process you are going to take toward your desired goal. In cases like this, we know that if we follow a process, record the progress (as small as it might be) and measure our consistency, we will see results.

3. Giving up at the first sign of failure (or we don't put into place systems / methods for correcting our mistakes, when the growth doesn't occur as we expected it to occur). This is the number one cause of failing to reach our goals. We set a goal, start down the path to make it a reality, and then give up at the first sign of failure - or we think that since things are going as well as we had hoped (i.e. perfectly) then we just aren't meant to have what we want.

I know these all sound silly to read, but everyone I know and ever spoken to about success, including myself, has seen each and every one of these - at some time during their lives. And if you are honest with yourself, I suspect you will find each of these three struggles in your life too.

Keep It Simple

As simple as the struggle may seem, in my opinion, the solution is ever easier.

Stop over thinking things and keep it simple.

If you want to create a change in your business or in your personal life:

- DEFINE IT. Write down your goals and face them every day. Don't think because you said them once or thought about them, that you will actually remember them as you go about making decisions each and every minute of the day.
- MEASURE IT. Measure daily how you are progressing towards your goals - either directly or indirectly through a process or series of related steps.
- DON'T QUIT. It's inevitable - something will happen that you didn't expect or plan for and you will feel discouraged. No goal worth having doesn't involve some hardship along the way. No matter what the cause of your struggle, stay focused on what you want and make it happen in spite of the setback.
- MAKE ADJUSTMENTS until you find the right answer. There is a path to each destination - some are easier to find than others. If your first path didn't work, figure out what didn't work for you and make corrections so that you don't make the same mistake again.

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So, let me ask you, "What things do you want to change in YOUR BUSINESS or in YOUR LIFE?"

Repeating The Same Thing Over And Over Isn't Going To Make Them Listen

2009-11-04T12:00:00.002-05:00

Do You Ever Find Yourself Repeating Things To An Employee (or your child)?

When you find yourself in the situation of repeating yourself for the first time (you've said it once, they didn't respond, and now you are saying it a second time), it's important to realize that the thought process / personal commitment wasn't really there for them to change their behavior - the first time. So rather than saying it again and only getting frustrated with their lack of response, it's time to lead them through the process of commitment (even if it means a few extra minutes with them).

Remember, slow is fast when it comes to relationships.

Commitment takes shared meaning - an understanding of "why" as much as understanding "what". And in many cases it requires actual personal participation (even if on a very simple level) through their getting an opportunity to provide input into the solution, or at least being heard.

Commitment from others to your idea doesn't take you telling them. No instead it takes "being heard and understood".

And once your employees (or anyone else) feels heard and understood, (not agreed with, but understood) and believes that you have at least considered their point of view, it's amazing how quickly they can and will get involved and commit to the solution.

On These Issues, Invite Them Into The Process . . . Don't Exclude Them.

So, invite those whom you are trying to lead into a discussion - share with them why you are stating what you are stating and invite them to share their feelings. The key though is that you must listen . . . empathetically. The solution doesn't have to change (but it might). But by being heard they will become considerably more committed in their own mind to the solution and the process you are asking them to participate in.

For example, A couple of months ago, I told my kids to clean up the horse manure in our pasture as part of their chores. Yeah, it's a lot of work, but it's not "hard work" per se. Being the loving children they are, they agreed to do it. But in truth, they had made not internalized the effort or committed to it, because all they could see was the barriers, they didn't get a chance to speak their mind or really get a chance to understand my reasons.

So over the past month and a half, I've been hounding them to clean up the pasture. I would get OKs, but no action ever really resulted. I failed to listen to them, understand their obstacles, their issues, and truly invited them into the process. there was no shared meaning /no shared agreement. They were agreeing because I told them to, not because they committed to it.

The Solution Is Leadership And A Commitment To Include, Not Dictate

In most cases (especially in business), people try to buy commitment with pay. But what they don't realize is that by doing that, they aren't getting commitment to the job, they are getting commitment to the pay. There is a big difference, and you don't have to go too far down any Main Street in America to see employees who are getting paid (often quite well) with little or no commitment to what they are doing.

So, all that being said, there are two things to gaining commitment to a process or idea.

- Have a open dialog about it - sharing the facts as you see them and your feelings and opinion and inviting them to do the same.
- Provide a solution and / or ask them to contribute a solution to the discussion and find the best solutions together.

This is more work than telling - and it is work that most of us try to avoid. But this is Leadership. Dictatorial direction works fine to a certain point with employees (and in my case) kids, but eventually they revolt back. And yes I understand that sometimes for safety reasons, there is no time for discussion, but those are rare.

Whenever possible, whether you are working with your employees, your spouse, your kids or anyone you are trying to "influence" in any way, take few minutes and discuss - the results will amaze you. Because as a result of your discussion, not only will you get a whole new level of commitment, but any discussion that you have to have in the future over failure to fulfill the agreed upon tasks will be completely different than any one you have currently. Because they won't only have let you down, but they will have let themselves down - turned their back on their own commitments.

Don't Invite The Wrong People Into Your Dreams

2009-10-29T06:00:00.002-04:00

Sharing your ideas with the wrong people can be deadly to your dreams.

I've seen it personally and with people I know more times than I can count.

When you start to dream, you are extremely vulnerable. You want to believe the dreams can come true, and in many cases, you are beginning to let yourself believe they can.

However, if you are like most people, you believe dreams are just that . . . DREAMS. They happen for other people, but not for you. So when you start the process of beginning to let yourself believe in a dream, you have to be careful - careful with how you treat that dream and careful who you share it with.

In most cases, the people we wish to share out dream with are our loved ones. We want their support and for them to join in and help us achieve our dreams. Unfortunately though, it doesn't always work out that way.

You Are The Person You Are Because Of The People You Have Surrounded Yourself With.

A couple days ago, I wrote a blog about how you are, who you surround yourself with, We Are A Reflection Of The People We Surround Ourselves With. And you can change where you are going by changing the people we surround ourselves with.

We all inherently know this . . . at a subconscious level. We know that about ourselves and about others.

So, when you share your dreams with others, especially family and friends who love you, part of their subconscious reaction is to undermine those efforts. Not because of some malicious desire to kill your dreams - that's not the case at all. In fact, they do it out of love - they do it out of the person that they want in their life

You see, when you begin to pursue your dreams, those who know and care about you inherently know that you are going to grow. And growth is not only towards your dream, but also away from your old life - and possibly away from them.

It's important to know that people don't throw roadblocks in front of you intentionally.

They don't provide negative feedback on your ideas because they want to hurt you.

When you set your dream and commit to it, you change who you are.

However, those around you haven't changed at all. They haven't committed to your dream - in fact it may be completely different from what they want. That doesn't mean they don't care, it only means they don't want things to change.

Don't Invite The Wrong People Into Your Dreams

The bottom line is that your dreams, especially in the early stages, are vulnerable. So be careful who you share those dreams with.

Look at your past. . . it doesn't matter how much someone loves you, if they have stifled your dreams in your past, they most likely will again today . . . or in your future.

Protect your dream, until it matures and gains strength in your own mind.

And then, when it is safe, and you know that their nay-saying won't undermine your efforts, bring them on board - because after all, they are quite often the people that care the most about you.

How Will You Challenge Yourself Today?

2009-10-24T06:00:00.005-04:00

“Do something everyday that scares you.”

-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes our push comes from our parents.

And sometimes that push comes from within.

There is a great video by SimpleTruths.com that talks about this very issue - Eagles Need a Push

When Was The Last Time You Were Scared and Overcame That?

When was the last time you did something that really scared the heck out of you?

When was the last time you took a chance - whether with sharing an idea, pursuing a dream, risked embarrassing yourself, or did something that you know would shake the foundation of your world for the rest of your life.

A Personal Story About Overcoming Fears

Here is a little story, that I've told many times, but I think it's an important story . . . nonetheless. And I don't "autobiographize" very often. Yes, I know that's not really a word, but it's my blog.

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Growing up, I was scared of everything. Scared of heights, scared of speed, and scared of leaving home. You name it, I was scared of it. But I was lucky, because in spite of my fears, I had a couple key people in my life that made me do things that I was afraid to do, because they knew it was the best thing for me and knew that I would enjoy it in the long run.

My Mom drug me up (and then down again) one of those Big Carnival Slides (where you sit on the mat) literally kicking and screaming. But don't worry, after crying all the way up and down that first time, they couldn't get me off the slide for the rest of the afternoon. I hear tell that I went down by myself at least 10 times in a row. And, the story goes that they had to drag me away when it was time to go.

But I didn't learn my lesson there - I still was afraid. I wasn't able to figure out that fears weren't real . . . just in my head.

In fact, ten years later, my older brother Michael drug me on the Lochness Monster in Busch Gardens, Williamsburg - my first Roller Coaster ever. Yes, again, he drug me on nearly kicking and screaming. Needless to say, it was the best thing for me. Because now, even though they still send chills down my spine every time I get on the truth is I can't get enough of roller coasters. I love 'em.

And this all leads up to my 19th Birthday. Still struggling with my fears (specifically my fear of heights), and knowing I had to do something to over come them, I did something that would change my life forever.

On a sunny, hot, August morning, after sleeping in (because I took that day off of work), I walked into the kitchen in my parent's home, announced that I was going skydiving and walked out the door - not to be heard from again for nearly 8 hours, until I returned home again.

I had pondered the idea of skydiving for a while, but only decided that morning, when I got up, that I would actually go through with it . . . or at least try to.

I didn't tell anyone before that morning . . . nor did I give anyone a chance to stop me.

And in spite of being scared out of my mind, AGAIN, I jumped out of a perfectly good airplane from 3000' and parachuted to terra firma. I loved it, and would like to think I was brave in my adventure, but I know that I wasn't. In fact if they would have let me (and I hadn't just invested $175 for the training and jump), I would have ridden back down with the pilot. But the instructor simply looked at me and said (as he pointed out of the plane), that's the only way down for you. And he was right.

And from that point on in my life I didn't look back - I didn't let my fears dominate the course that I followed.

Sure I still had fears, but I finally taught myself that I could overcome them . . . when and if I choose to.

Why YOU Should Challenge Your Fears

Now, I look back, as a retired Navy Pilot with over 600 carrier landings (250 of them at night) at what hot day in August meant to me. Sometimes I think maybe I should have been more scared in some situations, and that was my sheer ignorance that prevented that, but I never once doubted my capabilities in an airplane. Sure, I screwed up occasionally (ok, maybe more than just occasionally), but I never doubted or feared that I was incapable of handling the situation. Mostly, I believe, because I learned that the fears that hold you back are all . . . just in your mind.

So, I have to ask you . . . when was the last time you did something that really scared you?

And I challenge you to do something today . . . that scares you - whatever that might be!

We Are A Reflection Of The People We Surround Ourselves With

2009-10-22T06:00:00.001-04:00

It's truly amazing how the people you surround yourself with can have an impact on you and your life.

It's not just positive people - but people who make you stretch yourself. It's about being around people you respect. People who challenge you. People who make you question yourself (in a positive way). And people who make you feel good about what you are doing.

It's much easier sometimes to hang around with people who make you feel big, but sometimes it's important to find those who can help you grow to be even bigger.

Napoleon Hill talks about mastermind groups - surrounding yourself with people who are already achieving what you want. That is so true.

If you want to grow your business, mingle and associate with successful business owners and learn from them.

If you want a happy marriage, hang out with happy couples, especially older ones that can mentor you.

If you want more wealth and success, hang out with wealthy and successful people that can guide you through the process you need to follow to achieve personal success.

If you want to be poor, unhappy, and angry about what life is stealing from you every day, surround yourself with people who act that way or are that way, and you will quickly find yourself right there with them.

Stop And Look Around

Now that you understand what impact the people around you have on your life and where you are going, stop and look around. Look at who you have in your life and ask yourself, "Are the people in my life helping me get to where I want to go . . . or are they holding me back?"

Are my friends, family and co-workers in the place that I'm trying to get to, or not?

Are there people out there that you could surround yourself with that will get you closer to what you want?

Stop and think about it. And begin to take action to help yourself get what you want. . . by surrounding yourself with the people that are either already there or can help you get there.

You've Got To Take Care Of More Than Just Your Body

2009-10-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

I have a client who is a personal trainer. She was struggling with a cold the other day and was frustrated because as she almost passed out from doing Jumping Jacks with a client. Her body was weak and fighting an illness.

What's funny is that many other times in the past she had been getting lost with her mental focus, so I saw an learning opportunity. Helping her understand that she not only has physically weak days when her body is fighting "stress", but she also has tough intellectual, emotional, and spiritual days when those aspects of her being were stressed as well.

You can obviously see when you are having good and bad days in a physical manner. Right? When you are tired or feeling ill. That same things happens mentally, but it isn't as obvious. That's right, You don't have to have a sickness or cold to have weak mental days. Sometimes it's just a bunch of things distracting you (stress).

My client had trained herself to recognize the days when she couldn't push herself too much physically. And besides, her body won't let her (like the Jumping Jacks). But it isn't so easy to recognize the same thing happening to you intellectually, emotionally or even spiritually.

Yes, they are all aspects of your being that have good days and bad days. Days when the muscles that give you strength in the 4 categories of being (physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual) grant you ability to move the earth. And days when you are lucky to even have any strength at all.

Be aware of your strengths and weaknesses. Know when you are in a fog, intellectually. Know when your emotions are fragile. And know when you spiritual being is drained. This doesn't always directly correlate with physical well being, although it often times might. Be willing to take things a bit slower when that is happening, just like you do physically. Get mental, emotional and even spiritual "rest" when you feel you are burning out or simply need some time to recover.

And when you are on your game in these arenas . . . take advantage of it. Exercise those muscles to give you more strength and stamina and even a better ability to stave off the fog when it comes back.
This isn't easy. It takes an awareness that very few people have. But you have something going on that very few people - you are looking at your day and your life, each objectively, to keep you grounded and focused. You are seeing when things are working for you and when you aren't. Now you are going to be able to think about things at an even deeper level - at a core level, in a way that you do you physical well being.

If You Weren't Sure What Self-Sabotage Looked Like?

2009-10-17T06:00:00.001-04:00

Funny Where The Lessons In Life Come From

A friend shared a video with me the other day that is both absolutely hysterical and educational - with lots of lessons from a coaching perspective.

There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs with many people who decide to “change” their life for the better. They commit very deeply to the process of change – truly believing they will do what ever it takes to make the change become permanent. But just as they are about to “break through” to the next level, they disengage from the process and go back to their old self.

Why is this? Why do they pull-back from change just as things are getting good?

Is it because they changed their minds and don't really believe in their goals anymore? Or because they don't think the process is working for them?

I don't think so!

Even though they may say and "feel" both of these things, I don't believe it to be true. In fact, I think that just the opposite is true. And the longer I coach, the more I see it happen.

You see, up until the point of backing down, most people actively participate in the change process at a conscious level. They make real decisions to be who they want to be. And they are very motivated.

Unfortunately though, change in the early stages isn't permanent - it's just surface changes. Real change takes time and requires a deeper commitment. It requires changing habit patterns which are subconscious thoughts - and these are not as easily changed.

Sure, they get close to making a real difference long term, but they never carry through because of an incredible strong drive to quit and / or destroy everything they've worked for up to this point. And it feels the longer they fight it, the stronger the feeling grows.

It is precisely at this point that they sabotage themselves with their own thought patterns. They begin to attack their own desires and destroy what they are actually working so hard to achieve.

From an outside perspective, it's easy to spot - we see it all the time with friends and family. But from a personal perspective, it's often quite a bit tougher to recognize. Literally we can't see our own self-deception and how we are undermining our own intentions.

That is until it's too late.

Watch A Real Example of Self-Sabotage!

This video is short and shows you an example of a dog that has the goal of eating a bone. Unfortunately though, one of his hind legs has different intentions . . . or so he thinks. So rather than chewing on the bone and doing what he wants to do, we find him attacking his own paw - driven so much by a fear that someone or something is going to try to take away the bone.

Literally, this poor dog ends up spending his time attacking his own fears than enjoying the pursuit of his goal.

Do you ever find yourself doing this?

Do you ever self-sabotage just as you are getting close to what you want?

There is nothing to fear about it . . . it happens to all of us. And the first step to working through the struggle is knowing it is happening. And remembering to stay focused on the goal, in spite of the voices that are trying to sabotage your desires.

Here is the video . . . enjoy. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=91132341921

Learning Is A Full Time Job

2009-10-16T12:00:00.002-04:00

Personal Growth Can Start Happening RIGHT Now!

Have you ever really stopped and looked at your day - truly been present in it and looked at the lessons you are learning throughout the day, and who is teaching you . . . who is shaping who you are and how you behave?

As you may guess, I spend a lot of time "introspectively" (if that is even a word) viewing myself. I try very hard to look at my life and live the path that I work with you on. I ask myself every night what's working in my life, and what's not working. And I look to what I can do better tomorrow.

As difficult as it can be, I do try to live what I preach.

In the past week, I have found myself doing it even more often . . . during natural breaks in a conversation, while I'm driving, making dinner, or even sitting at my desk getting work done, in between tasks. I have found myself looking at not only my day to day life, but also my hour to hour life. And I've been trying to be aware of my state of mind at each step. And trying to make corrections.

Now, I'm not going to lie. I'm not very good at it (yet). But I have found myself more actively trying to correct behavior before the moment fades from thought than I ever have in the past.

I don't try to do it "in the moment", because I try to be present, but as soon as I can when the moment is over, learn and move on.

I try to listen better when I know I've been distracted.

I try to re-orient myself on my daily goals, when I know I'm drifting and getting distracted by less important issues.

Even if something went the way I had hoped it would, I find myself looking for things that could go better - looking for ways to improve it for the next time I'm in a similar situation.

Changing Your Perspective

I guess what I'm saying is that the more you act on this model of behavior, the more you begin to look at life differently. You stop seeing life as simply happening to you - in a way that you are just a passenger on a train to wherever the conductor chooses to go. Instead, you get to decide where you want to go next . . . what you want to be and who you want to become.

For example, one of the skills I constantly struggle with and work on continuously is listening. I often times try to impress others with my knowledge and bombard them with more and more information instead of listening to them and finding out exactly what they need. I've always known this to be true, but I always had a hard time seeing myself doing it, as it was happening - I get emotional about the issue and fail to correct myself.

Now, although, it still happens, I have been able to see myself more objectively - as conversations happen. Rather than waiting until the conversation is over and looking at my mistakes, I've started to really enhance my ability to see what's working and what isn't more clearly, when the conversation allows. I try to find ways to get back on track, if I've drifted and started to monopolize the conversation. And I begin to become a better listener, before things get out of hand.

Try Applying It In Your Own Life

As you go about your day today, just take a couple moments, once or twice through out the day, and ask yourself, "what's working right now?" and "what isn't?". Then real quick make a small adjustment (consciously) and move forward.

Now I know that we all do this at an unconscious level all day long. But that tends to result in the "status quo" - because that's all the unconscious knows - making corrections to our actions that keep us in the rut we're in.

However, if you can make this happen consciously - before the memories of the mistake disappear into your subconscious thoughts, you will begin, ever so slowly to reshape your behavior, not just daily (on a cursory level), but also on an immediate basis, where you can affect real change.

Let me know what you think. I'd love to hear about examples of how YOU are making near-real time corrections throughout YOUR day.

Are You Making The Most Of Your Time and Money?

2009-10-08T12:00:00.006-04:00

We all have a limited amount of time in the day. And we also don't have a bottomless pocketbook.

We all know that . . . far too well.

Most of my clients tell me that if I could just get them an extra 4 hours added to the day (a 28 hour day) and 5 more clients per week, things would be perfect.

So, let me ask YOU, would 4 more hours in the day or 5 new clients really help you?

Do you think you need more time and money?

Or do you think you need to better manage and even leverage the time and money you do have first?

In my opinion, most people will fill the void with whatever they are doing. It's not a matter of having more time or making more money - in most cases. Instead, it's a matter of knowing where to spend you time and money to get the most bang for the buck - it's all about leveraging.

Leverage, as we are talking here, is defined as "Positional advantage and or the power to act effectively". So the goal isn't just to figure out where you can apply your efforts and / or money to create the improvement, but instead how to generate the best advantage or biggest change for the least amount of your effort.

Measure, Analyze and Modify Regularly To Make Constant Improvements

Measuring and analyzing will tell you where you should invest your time and money to yield the biggest bang for the buck.

If your sales are falling, most people will spend more time (and money) to generate more leads. They will commit their efforts to more marketing. But what they don't know is that they may already be getting enough leads. In fact they "may" already be spending more than they need to. In these cases, their leverage point isn't lead generation, it's lead conversion.

Through diligent measurement and analysis, they might see that their sales aren't down because people aren't finding them - their sales are down because their sales staff is lazy . . . or inconsistent in their approaches.

If they could simply increase the conversion rate of leads to clients from say 5% to 10%, this would double their sales.

Conversely, if they blindly just tried doubling their marketing efforts, they might find that they are spending a whole lot more time and money to get the same results.

Or, if their conversion rate is already high (above 60-70%, depending on their industry), then they may in fact need to find out which lead sources are working best (and which ones aren't working at all) and try to increase the volume through that lead source.

This might cost some money, but it would sure beat spending marketing dollars on leads that you KNOW aren't going to buy.

We need to think about all of these things - not just in sales, but in life. When you look at "what's not working" and "what is working", it's important to know which things provide the best leverage point for you to improve your life and which ones are just time consumers and money pits.

Another Example of the 80/20 Rule

They say that 20% of effort, yields 80% of your results - if you could increase your 20% to 25% and get 100% results, then you could take the other 75% of the time off.

Conversely, if you increase your 80% effort (that yields 20% of your results) to 100% effort, you will still only be getting 25% of the results, and you will feel completely useless and wonder why things are working out for you.

So, which would you rather have, 25% effort meeting all of your goals? Or 100% effort where you only achieve a quarter of your goals?

Your choice, but my lazy butt would rather do less and get more.

Grow From The Confidence You Gain From Love

2009-10-03T10:37:00.006-04:00

“To live you have to experiment, to have the ability to experiment you have to have confidence, to have confidence you have to be loved, to be loved you have to love”
Author Unknown

Life is too short to NOT give yourself time to be and time to find out and face why you are doing what you are doing each and every day. That's what weekends are for.

Look on this weekend as an opportunity to experiment - experiment in your life, exploring who you are and what you want from it.

I have learned many hard lessons in my life - many I continue to learn each day. Some I wish I didn't have to learn. But life teaches us the things that we must learn in order to become who we want to be.

Look at your life and find your love. Find your passion. Find that someone or something that loves you back - fills your passion so that your heart stays full and can explore and experiment without fear.

Take some time today and / or tomorrow. Listen to yourself, your heart, and to the words you hear around you. Seek out the love that encourages you to grow and seek out new things, find new paths and want more.

Ask yourself if you are being filled with the love that gives you the confidence to pursue and experiment in life.

Ask yourself if you feel like you are so grounded and rooted in love, that you can, like a tree, reach up to the sky with your branches, and become all that you can become.

Do this for yourself. Do this for those that love you. Do this and live.

The Voices You Hear Might Be Saying The Wrong Thing

2009-09-30T13:55:00.007-04:00

As I've talked about before, we (our conscious minds) are bombarded by thousands of messages every second. And believe it or not, most of us never hear them.

Where do those messages come from and why can't we hear them? Well, because most of the time, they are doing very little more than simply re-enforcing the behavior that we so naturally live in our lives.

It's just like if I were to beat a drum at a rate of 2 beats per second really loudly, and you were able to sync up with my beat in another room, with a different drum, I wouldn't ever know you were even there.

We wake up when the messages tell us to.

We eat when the messages tell us to.

We do, all day long, what the messages tell us to do.

That is how the subconscious and conscious mind work. We think we are doing what we choose to do each and every minute of the day. But, 99% of the time, what we are doing is more driven out of habit and or life patterns, than of conscious choice.

Normally, when our lives are going the way they always have, this isn't a big deal. Because the messages are in-sync with our conscious thoughts and actions. But. . . when we decide to change something in our lives, or things in our lives are suddenly changed for us, things become a lot tougher.

Going back to the drum beat example, imagine if I were to change my tempo and you didn't. Yep, you guessed it, your presence would suddenly be known to me.

This change causes the messages from our subconscious and our conscious actions to begin to conflict with each other. And there are two results that can occur:

1. You ignore your subconscious pull to your past methods, knowing they don't apply any more. (I accept that our beats are out of sync and I begin to teach you . . . over time to follow my pattern).
2. You revert back to your old habits, ending the changes that you start to experience. (the consistency of your beat at a rate of 2 beats per second, overcomes my desire to be different and I start following your lead, to stop the noise).

Our Subconscious Mind Doesn't Care What We are Doing

The subconscious doesn't care what you are doing, that's not a concern of it. The present doesn't matter to it - nor does current reality. It wants you to do what you were doing - what it's trying to get you to do . . . is get you to do what you did yesterday.

Your subconscious likes repetition. It likes habits. And it hates change.

So every time your life begins to deviate slightly from its past patterns of behavior, you feel a conflict. And that conflict is tough to overcome.

Overcoming the Change . . . Or Not

The first couple days / weeks you are trying to change, your sheer will to make it happen often is enough to keep your subconscious mind from winning the battle. But as your focus dissipates (as it nearly always will over time), the pull of your habits becomes stronger and stronger.

Good news is that eventually, you can build new habit patterns - new ways of thinking and behaving in a given situation. But the bad news, is that the "old patterns" of thought never completely go away - although their influence does decrease over time.

The hardest part of creating change in your life is that the messages become "louder" (more obvious), the more out of sync with your old behavior you get. You can call it self-sabotage, or self-destruction, but the simple truth is that what your subconscious mind is trying to do is simply do what it's supposed to do - keep you safe and alive using the same patterns of thought that have gotten you this far.

It doesn't know if your new patterns are working or not - it just keeps trying to maintain the status quo.

It doesn't want to create failure in your life - it just wants to keep you moving forward the same way you got to where you are.

Breaking Through To The Other Side

You've seen it before in failed diets, attempts to turn over a new leaf, or stopping any behavior that you know is habitual, but is causing you serious harm in your life. Every time you start to make big headway, you hit a barrier that you can not break through - you hit a invisible wall.

The wall isn't really there, it just feels like it is, because the influence of your subconscious is so powerful.

In order to break through the personal barriers, you must keep you eyes on the horizon and your conscious mind on your goals. Don't let the voices (messages) dissuade you. Don't let them turn you around - they grow loudest just before they start to fade.

Stay focused and keep moving forward.

Your Outlook Will Define Your Day - Your Life

2009-09-28T07:00:00.010-04:00

Sunrise on a Monday Morning

What is your day going to be like today? Have you decided?

I've never been a big fan of Mondays. In fact, my Mom used to tell me that I was allergic to Mondays, since I tried my hardest to avoid going to school after the weekend.

It's not to say, that in many ways that I wouldn't rather sleep in on Mondays (especially since I'm usually up by 4:30 am, to provide coaching to my clients), but actually, I look forward to Mondays now. Mostly because since I started coaching I look at the week as a new beginning, instead of "long time until the weekend again".

Outlook is everything.

How you face your day will have as much impact as the circumstances you face throughout the day. How you choose to look at life will, for the most part, determine the way life impacts you.

If you have a positive outlook, thankful for the opportunities you face (counting your blessings) you will most likely see everything as an opportunity and make wonderful things happen for yourself both today, and in the coming week.

But (and this is tough), if you wake up on a Monday, and have the attitude of 'gotta get through this day' or I wish this day was over, then you will most likely look upon everything that comes up as a challenge.

Things will come up today, and every day forward. You have seen that time and time again. You can look at each day as an opportunity or as a burden to get through. Your attitude won't change the circumstances, directly, but it will change how those circumstances impact your life.

If you choose to find the positive in situations, then you will find happiness and opportunity in every situation.

If you choose to find the negative in situations, then you will find bitterness and feel failure in every situation.

Choose what you want your day to be!

Choose how you are going to handle every situation that presents itself to you!

. . . And then make it happen.

Don't Let Your Feelings Dictate Your Life

2009-09-25T06:00:00.000-04:00

How are you feeling today?

Far too often we let our feelings drive our lives. We let how we feel dictate what we do and how we act. We feel good one day, and it becomes a good day. We feel bad the next, or not up to the task, and sure enough, it comes true.

Unfortunately, being beholden to your feelings, leaves you beholden to your past . . . and to your subconscious mind . . . not to your vision and your goals.

So instead of letting your feelings drive your actions, let your goals drive your actions. Rather than responding to how you feel, respond and drive yourself based on what you want.

What You Want Needs To Be The Driving Factor?

Ever start a diet because you "want" to loose weight, get trim, and feel better about yourself. - only to do good for three days, and quit, because you weren't feeling better about yourself.

Did you stop wanting to loose weight?

Did you stop wanting to get trim?

Did you stop wanting to feel better about yourself?

Usually not. Your goal didn't change. You just gave-in to the feelings of not wanting to do the work any more. Not wanting to work out. And certainly not wanting to feel hungry any more.

You Can't Count On Feelings

Feelings need to follow your actions, not lead them. But they take time - and are rarely predictable 100% of the time. Our feelings are rooted all too often in mixed messages and crossed wires in the memories of our past.

Our goals are rooted in the future.

Don't follow your feelings.
They will lead you in circles, often right back to where you started.

Feelings are confusing.

Often anger is confused with fear. Often hope and infatuation is confused with trust and love.

In the case of the diet above, you should not set a goal to feel better about yourself . . . because how you feel is often too easily impacted by many outside factors - things outside of our control.

And besides, feelings are not measurable and often very related more to how I felt 10 minutes or 10 hours ago, than any set standard. So it is often tough to tell how much better you feel from one week to the next - or from one year to the next.

Sure, you can set a goal of losing 10lbs or 2 inches from your waist, and you can say that you should feel better because of that, but there is no guarantee that you will.

In fact, you may feel that given all the work you did, you should feel better than you actually do, only to cause you to give up on any further efforts.

Let Your Goals Drive Your Actions

Bottom line, follow your vision and your goals . . . and they will lead you to where you want to be, even in the midst of tumultuous feelings.

And besides, and you've heard me say it 1000s of times - Let Your Goals Drive Your Actions.

Set your goals - make them what you want, not what you want to feel. The feelings will follow, if your goals are truly what you want.

Kicking the Can Down the Road is Rarely the RIGHT Answer

2009-09-24T09:48:00.007-04:00

What are you doing today that is a distraction from achieving your goals?

All too often, what we do to fill our day is little more than a distraction. We have a list of things we want or need to get done, but for whatever reason, we are avoiding doing them.

Maybe it's that you aren't sure how to do them.

Maybe you don't want to do them.

Or maybe you are afraid to do them because they "may" have results that you don't want.

Have you ever done this . . . avoided doing the really important things in your life, either at work or in your personal life, simply because avoidance is easier?

Well, let me share something with you. I often personally struggle with this and continue to learn both in my personal life and in helping others as a coach.

Avoidance is never the right answer.

It may feel good at the moment - it may feel like the right solution - but you know that there is no hiding from the truth - no hiding from your commitments. Sooner or later you have to face the things you are avoiding.

The problem with avoiding things is that the longer you avoid facing your challenges, the more they drain you - stealing away your happiness and your peace of mind. The longer you keep trying to "kick the can down the road", the more you end up having to clean up in the long run.

So what is the trick? What can you do to remedy this struggle? Is there an simple fix?

As usual, the fix is simple, but the implementation is often quite hard.

The truth is, when it comes to "tough things" to do, your current reward for avoiding is more desirable than not doing. So, what you need to do, is change that - any way you possibly can:
A few simple ways you can do to help this are:

- Define a reward that you REALLY want that you will give yourself when you make this happen. And with hold that reward until you have achieved your goals.
- Share with a friend, a family member, and /or an accountability partner (someone you can take criticism from) that you are avoiding something that you really want to get done. Ask them to "ride you hard", until you get it done - tell them to keep it objective, but to become your personal nag.
- Simply make TODAY the day you are going to get it done . . . whatever "it" is. And then just do it - no excuses, no distractions, no interruptions. NO MATTER WHAT!

I know these ideas seem like common sense, but as I have said many times in the past, "common sense is not common practice".

Stop thinking that things will get better, just because you want them to. Take action and make them happen. You will feel better about yourself when you finally get to the other side.
you are obviously not doing a very good job of holding yourself accountable.

Sometimes You Have To Throw Away Something Valuable To Get What You Really Want

2009-09-18T12:00:00.001-04:00

Have you ever heard of Steve Montforo? Maybe . . . maybe not.

Before Tuesday night, unless you were his friend or a family member, odds are you had never heard of him. But since Tuesday, he has been in the Top 10 ESPN plays of the day, talked about by newscasters all over the country, is one of two stars on one of the hottest online videos in quite some time, and even made it on NBC's Today Show this morning.

Who is he? In my opinion, he's an inspiration to us all.

So what did Steve Montforo do on Tuesday Night that made him famous? That made him an inspiration. He put the love of his family - specifically his daughter - ahead of his own feelings.

Take a look: Watch the video.

Steve has been a life long Phillies fan - going to games since he was a little kid. And although he had been to hundreds of games, he had never caught a foul ball. That is until this past Tuesday Night.

Ever since he was a little boy, it had always a dream of Steve's to catch a foul ball at a Phillies game, and he finally did it. What made it even cooler, was that he made a spectacular catch to do so and the crowd responded with cheers.

He was so proud, he, without hesitation, handed the ball to his 3-year old daughter, Emily, so she could basque in his glory with him.

But, as you can see from the video, his daughter, thinking she was doing the right thing, immediately threw the ball back over the railing and into the crowd below them. Instantly, the crowd, changed their cheers, into "oooooooo's".

Steve Montforo, again without hesitation, and sensing that the crowd's response was going to scare his daughter, immediately embraced her and reassured her that what she had just done, was perfectly OK. And in an interview later, he was quoted as saying, "I think she was a little startled by the reaction," he explained. "I just wanted her to know it was OK."

In a short moment, one of his childhood dreams came true. And he watched his daughter throw it away. But the gift that he has received since then, has changed his life and given both he and his daughter more than they could have ever dreamed of having - and much more valuable than any old baseball.

And he (and the rest of us) learned the lesson that. . . Sometimes, you have to be willing to give up what often "feels" very important to find the real gifts in life.

Leaders Start By Leading Themselves . . . First

2009-09-15T12:00:00.002-04:00

Leaders Set Standards and Goals First For Themselves

The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves.

Ray Kroc

We are all leaders - leaders of our businesses, leaders of our families and yes . . . even leaders of our own lives. And before its possible to lead anyone else, you must first learn how to lead your own life and follow your own guidelines and standards. Because if you don't believe in and follow the ideals that you espouse, then no one else will either.

I know that may sound funny - following yourself, but it is something that happens more than you think - or it doesn't.

Your subconscious mind will follow your conscious lead. It will believe and follow you to the ends of the earth, if you truly believe and act on your words - and not just say them. But this requires integrity - consistency of action and deed - "Walking your Talk".

You have to live with integrity, be consistent and focus on the standards (and goals) within your life or your subconscious will not follow. Because when it comes right down to it, you, of all people, know when you are telling the truth and when you aren't. And you can pretend to lie to yourself, but your subconscious doesn't always follow your words - it follows your deeds.

What are the standards you set for yourself?

Do you have daily expectations that you hold yourself accountable to?

Do you have weekly, monthly, or even yearly goals that you review and ensure that you are fulfilling - again doing so with accountability in your life?

Or do you simply go about life, living willy-nilly - just doing a cursory review every year on how things went on New Year's Eve and on your milestone Birthdays.

When you say you are going to do something, do you deliver on your promise to others? To yourself?

These are all tough questions . . . intended to challenge you and get you to look at yourself differently. Most people I talk to want to change their surroundings but don't, but rarely follow their own lead.

So if you want to lead "Change" in this world, start first by leading yourself . . . and following your own advice and words. Or you should expect that no one else will either.

The Difference Between Instinct and Intelligence

2009-09-14T06:00:00.000-04:00

It Started With Finding A Spider

The other day, my kids and I got a chance to watch the spider to the right weave her egg sac. It was an absolutely amazing sight to see . . . and I hate spiders.

The conversation that followed was a lot of fun.

My daughter, Garret, 9 years old, thought it was amazing that this little spider knew how to weave such an amazing web and egg sac, without her parents around to help her. "How could she do that?", she wondered about the 4-inch Garden Spider hanging next to her barn.

And she looked at me, saying that she wanted to understand know how such a little creature could make such an incredible wonder, without any help from her parents.

As you might imagine, I couldn't help but take a couple minutes with my maturing daughter to talk a bit about instinct and intelligence - the biggest difference between Man and the rest of the Animal Kingdom.

The spider I told her, had instincts on how to do many, many things, from what creatures were dangerous her to how to make a web - from how to catch and kill a spider to how to make an egg sac for her millions of little eggs and soon to be baby spiders. These ideas were ingrained in her mind from her genetic code. And she could neither avoid doing them any more than you and I could avoid breathing - it was simply built into who she was, and she had no real choice in it.

Intelligence, the one thing that separated her from this little spider, meant that although you did have some instinct in you to respond to certain situations, based on your genetic code, you could over ride it with lessons you've learned. And we started to lay down the basis for her understanding that life . . . HER LIFE . . . was her choice, not something that just happened to her.

Life is a Choice

I believe one of the keys to success in any endeavor is finding ways to change your situation, by changing your response to your circumstance. In life, we, as Human Beings, have a choice - we are intelligent, not instinctual like the rest of the Animal Kingdom. We don't have to respond the same way to circumstances every time we face them.

Sure, we can be slaves to the world around us - to our position in life and the luck that comes our way - living instinctively, day-to-day. Or we can break from the bondage of "circumstance" and create our own lives - taking advantage of the real gift that we have been given.

Unhappy, unsuccessful people allow the world to define them and always want something else.

Happy, successful people look at every situation as an opportunity to become more. To grow one step closer to their vision.

Here is a very interesting video about a young boy who chooses his own path, even in the act of slavery / bondage / control. He could have let his rebellious instincts define him, but instead he thought about finding a different solution to redefine the outcome. And takes control of the situation himself.
Where in your life do you feel bound - feel restricted, feel controlled or manipulated. It might be a monetary issue. It might be a relationship issue. It might be with your customers, your suppliers and / or your employees. Look at the situation differently. Go The Second Mile - the way you choose to go, because you want to change the situation. It may take more than one effort, but you will "redefine" the situation. You will break from your instincts and start applying the intelligence that you have gained in life.

And more importantly, YOU will begin to see the results you want, instead of the results that the world is trying to impose upon you.

Is the Economic Crisis Behind Us - Or Just In Remission?

2009-09-12T14:23:00.004-04:00

According to Wikipedia, remission is "the state of absence of disease activity in patients with a chronic illness, with the possibility of return of disease activity."

That's right, it's not a cure - it's just a period where the symptoms of a disease are gone or subsided.

Like chemotherapy or radiation treatment with cancer, throwing money at a chronic economic problem, doesn't fix the problem, it only masks the symptoms. Sure, you see short term growth and you begin to feel better about things. But the nature of the system - the cause of the crisis - in the first place hasn't been fixed.

This is true both on a macroeconomic level, like the Global or National Economy and a microeconomic level, like your business and / or personal economic conditions.

If you were on the verge of bankruptcy, because you couldn't pay your debts on time and sales were down with your business and were able to convince a bank or creditor to loan you money (or even give you some), it would give you a stay of execution, but unless you figure out why your sales are down, why your expenses are exceeding your income, and of course do something about it (if you even can), you will be back to near bankruptcy soon enough . . . except this time with more debt and more pressure of inevitable collapse.

You know this to be true about your own household and business, so why would you think it would be any different for the government - be it Federal, State, or Local. The truth is, the same natural laws apply. You can make symptoms go away for a short period, but if you don't fix the underlying problem, the underlying disease, it will come back . . . stronger than ever.

We've seen it happen twice in the last decade. The first was the Dot-Com Bubble bursting. But since we really didn't fix the underlying social and economic reasons for the rise and collapse of the bubble, the next bubble was inevitable. The only question is what would it be.

Sure enough, next came the Housing / Credit bubble. And this one hit even harder and was the initial "cause" (and I use that term very loosely) of the economic situation we are currently in.

And unfortunately, since we really didn't let the crash take it's own course and find the bottom - bailing out the system and businesses that were struggling, we really haven't fixed the problem, only treated the symptoms.

So I ask YOU, as small business owners and others reading this blog, is the Economic Crisis behind us, or just in remission, ready to come back stronger than ever and crushing our (and the global) economy even more that we saw this past go around?

And in the case of your own business . . . have you done the work, are you doing the work that is necessary to cure your financial woes, or are you just waiting out the tough times, and setting yourself up for the next wave of good fortune . . . for remission of your chronic issues?

2 Questions: Where were you? How has it changed your life?

2009-09-11T11:06:00.005-04:00

I know this article has been written a thousand times - and most likely by more eloquent writers. But since it's my blog, and I have a story to tell that I think can relate to many, I want to share where I was 8 years ago today.

We all have moments in our lives when you can remember exactly where you were on a specific day, when a specific event occurred. For nearly every American (and many others around the world) September 11th, 2001 was one of those days.

So where were you?

Like most Americans, I was at work. But unlike most other Americans, my work was on board an Aircraft Carrier, the USS Carl Vinson, in the middle of the Arabian Sea. And on day that our homeland was being cowardly attacked, just two weeks after my youngest son, Turner (whom I had only seen in photos) was born, I felt the emotions that everyone else back home felt:

- vulnerability and that I would never feel secure in my own country again
- fear that it was only the beginning and that there was more to come
- worry for my lovely wife who was home alone on our farm in Minnesota with our 18 month daughter and 2 week old son
- awe and trepidation of the power behind the evil that exists in the world
- sadness over the senseless loss of life
- pride over the reaction of the first responders in New York, Washington, and in Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
- humbled by the smallness one can't help but feel in the face of something bigger than oneself
- and love for my wife and kids, my parents, my brothers and their families, my friends, and my fellow Americans

However, where I was, isn't nearly as important as how that fateful day has affected my life . . . How it has changed my life and how I look at my life today differently.

Like many, my life changed on September 11th, 2001.

Being in the military, you always know deep down that you could be called upon to sacrifice your life. But until that fateful day, I never thought that the lives of my family or friends were ever really threatened or held at risk by our Country's enemies. I never thought I would think I was safer on a US Warship at sea than my family on a farm in the Midwest . . . but it happened.

Never before did I honestly believe that I wouldn't be going home and seeing my family again, but on that day forward. I did . . . until I held them all in my arms again.

Life is precious.

We don't know what can happen that will change things forever in our lives.

So, it's incumbent for each of us to live each day as if it were the first day of the rest of your life .. . . as if it were September 12th. And live our lives with the memory that it could be the last . . . without any notice.

And finally, we shouldn't just do it today in honor of those who lost their lives on this day eight years ago. But we should live every day in honor of every man, woman and child who have and ever will give their lives in the name of our freedom or the freedom of any other human.

Bless you all, who have taken the time to stop and remember what today means. . . what it represents . . . and how it affected your life, FOREVER.

Four Steps to Turning A Bad Situation Around

2009-09-09T16:32:00.003-04:00

How's your business doing?

How is your financial situation?

If you are like most people in America (and around the world for that matter), things aren't as good as you would like them to be.

Sure, in your mind, you might be blaming the economy and things that are out of your control for your current condition - which is not the healthiest thing to do on its own. But I don't believe that's why you haven't done anything about it.

So the question is . . . Why aren't you doing anything about it?

Why haven't you made the changes that you knew you were going to need to make sooner?

Why haven't you change your spending habits? Why haven't you have a garage sale to clean the junk you have all over the place to generate a little more cash? Or why haven't you posted them on eBay or Craig's List? And why haven't you called the credit card company and asked for a lower interest rate?

Or, even harder, why haven't you asked your friends and family for help?

The answers to these questions for most people might surprise you to read . . . although I think you know it already - deep down in your heart, whether you are feeling it now or have felt it in the past. The answer is, you feel shameful.

Ironically, in spite of the causes, many people that find themselves in "tough times" aren't locked into those positions because they don't know what to do. Instead most get stuck in ruts and difficult situations because of Shame - because of the painful emotion caused by a conscious (or even unconscious) awareness of their guilt or personal shortcoming that caused them to be where they are. And taking the steps necessary to fix the situation requires them to admit both privately and publicly that they did have a hand in the situation. And we all struggle with forgive ourselves of our own shortcomings.

The First Step - Face the Truth

Before you can do much else in repairing your situation, you have to face the truth. I don't care who you are, and what your situation is, you have to believe that you control your destiny, if you want to change your life for the better. Now that doesn't mean that bad things don't happen to good people - there is no doubt about that. But no matter the situation, you get to choose your response and eventually how the situation will turn out for you.

Accept responsibility for your choices that led to the situation. And then look inside yourself and decide whether or not you are stuck because someone or something is holding you back . . . Or if you are stifled in your position because you are holding yourself back, and why?

The Second Step - Release the Guilt and the Shame

Now that you have faced the truth of your situation, if not publicly, at least privately, it's time to take what is often the most difficult step to take in any change effort. And that is forgive yourself for the choices you have made to this point . . . both the good and bad choices.

Forgive yourself and release the guilt and shame that is holding you back from becoming all that you can and truly want to be. Because if you don't release the guilt and the shame, you will self-sabotage your efforts.

Remember, you can't change the past. But you don't have to relive it every day for the rest of your life either.

Learn from it.

Put it behind you.

And move on to making the choices that will help you become the you that you truly want to be.

The Third Step - Build a Plan and Enlist Help

Now that you have faced the truth and released your negative feelings so that you can move forward, it's time to do the fun stuff - planning the way forward.

The third step in the process of turn around your business and personal struggles is building a plan - a way forward. Suffice it to say that I could write for hours on this subject, but let me KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) for you:

- Figure out the real truth of your current condition (where you are)
- Define your goals / vision (where you want to go)
- Break down all the steps along way that you will have to accomplish to achieve the goals (what you have to do - one step at a time)
- List the obstacles that are going to get in your way (including your own mindset, if applicable).
- Figure out who can help you and enlist their support (who do you need help from)
- Build into the plan, a method for staying on track - a form of accountability to keep you from falling backwards and / or help you recognize the hiccups that come up along the way. (what is your feedback loop to keep you moving in the right direction)

The Fourth and Final Step - Take One Step at a Time

If you have gotten this far, you are about 90% there. Now all you have to do is follow your plan.

Just remember, you wrote a plan for a reason . . . you can't do it all at one time. As the saying goes, "You can't eat an elephant in one bite".

Take things ONE STEP AT A TIME . . . Obstacle at a time . . . One day at a time . . . And before you know it, you will have reached your goal and put what ever was "in your past" in your past for good.

Become Stirred By Your Vision

2009-09-07T13:00:00.002-04:00

We are all stirred by our vision. We are driven to action by our goals.

As I stated yesterday, it's pretty easy to get caught up in your own life - caught up in the drama around you and let it start affecting where you are going and what you are willing to do about it.

When you are struggling with your life and not sure what to do, how to take action, where to go next, the one place (the words and images) that you can always count on for your guidance and direction is your Vision - whether it is the professional vision you have for your business or the personal vision you have for your life.

Periods of tranquility are seldom prolific of creative achievement. Mankind has to be stirred up.
Alfred North Whitehead

So, the questions you should be asking yourself are:

"What do I want to be?"

"Who do I want to be?"

"What do I want my life to be about?"

If you have the answers to these questions. Then look for them to be the guide each and every day forward. In them lie your destination and the compass - all you need to do is find the map.

However, if you don't have the answers to these questions, then that is the first task at hand.
And don't just answer these questions in your mind. WRITE THEM DOWN!!

Face them!!!

Look at them every day, religiously.

Don't ever turn away from them.

Drink them into your spirit and embrace them.

Make them more than just words, make them your Personal and Professional Constitution.

We All Endure Tough Times

2009-09-06T16:46:00.017-04:00

We all go through tough times. It doesn't matter if you are a professional athlete, a movie star, a business coach, a stay-at-home Mom or even the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.

We give up on our dream . . . We fall out of love . . . We, or someone very close to us, gets diagnosed with an incurable disease . . . Or we simply lose our vision - the future we hope to have.

In spite of the immense struggle these life changing events can create for us, they do not define us. Nor do they define anyone else on this earth.

..........................

Viktor Frankl was not defined by his captivity in Nazi Germany.

However, his resiliency and ability to survive did define him.

...........................

Hellen Keller was not defined by the childhood disease that took away her sight, hearing, and ability to speak.

She was for the gifts and ideas
she has given the world
in spite of her disabilities.

...........................

Christopher Reeve was not defined by his tragic horse jumping accident.

He will be remembered for his will to survive and be a role model for thousands who suffered spinal injuries like his own.

............................

A lesson that I have had to personally re-learn is:

No matter what difficulties you might face, no matter how hard things may seem, others have faced similar problems. Some choose to let the struggles dominate their lives and let those moments define the rest of their lives.

While others, those we call tend to call "Heroic" and "Inspirational", choose a different path. Rather than giving in to the circumstances which they faced, they stood up (sometimes even when they didn't have the strength to do so), and took the first step of the rest of their lives towards the dreams they have - towards the life they choose. Not the one that choose them.

Maybe, someday I'll be looked at as inspirational, but that's not why I choose to move forward. I choose to move forward because I choose to make my dreams come true - to be the person that I want to be, not the one that many others have thought I should be . . . or the one that life is / was steering me to become.

Thank you all who are reading this blog. I have been away for a month or so - lost in my own world. I hope that you find your way back to reading my ideas and thoughts again in the coming days, weeks and months.

Bless You.

Control Is An Illusion

2009-08-10T13:00:00.001-04:00

Micromanagers govern their kingdoms with rules, constant oversight, supervision and most often an iron fist. Their entire management model is build on "Control". And sadly, they typically spend so much time in the weeds, directing their subordinates, they struggle at the bigger picture of their own job - requiring their bosses to "micromanage" them as well.

The truth is, Control is an Illusion.

Whether you believe it or not, you really don't have control over anything but yourself and what YOU do. And the more Control and Authority you try to invoke over others, they less you actually have (just ask any parent with a teenager).

Your employees do what THEY want to do (nothing more and nothing less) - which is usually what they are rewarded to do. Thus, the concept of work in the first place.

You see, you and your company promise your employees a reward (pay) for coming to and engaging in the work you assign, and they gladly do just that . . . come to work and do what you "tell" them to do.

So the control you think you have, what little there actually is, comes from getting them to "want to do what you want them to do", not because you tell them to do it. Thus, the question that most managers have, but few are actually good at answering is "How do I get them to want to work?"

Hence the dilemma of the Manager, and the birth of the Micromanager.

But there are things you can do to change this. There are ideas you can implement and techniques you can follow to become a more effective manager. If you want to become a more effective manager / leader of your direct reports, you simply need to change your perspective and mindset, the behavior will follow. You need to see your employees as more than just things that do what they are told, when they are told, and how they are told to do it. You need to see them as thinking individuals, that think, act, behave, and are motivated much like you are.

You need to apply the following 5 ideas / steps to your management style:

- TEACH the methods and guidelines of the company,
- DEFINE the results,
- EMPOWER their employees,
- Establish an environment of ACCOUNTABILITY where employees are held accountable for results
- REWARD the behavior you want

Over the next five days, I will break down each of these 5 elements of Management (each day a different idea) to give you the tools you need to move from being a micromanager to an empowering leader and effective manager.

People join companies, but leave managers.

Marcus Buckingham & Curt W. Coffman

Are You A Micromanager?

2009-08-08T12:00:00.002-04:00

According to Wikipedia, Micromanagement is a management style where a manager closely observes or controls the work of his or her subordinates or employees.

Why is it that no one thinks they are a Micromanager, but yet everyone thinks they work for one?

Are all managers that ignorant to their style?

Are You A Micromanager?

Since the first step in improving anything in your life is recognizing and accepting that problem, let's first start with self analysis and facing the truth about yourself.

Here are seven questions that all managers should ask of themselves?

Is the mission more important to you than control over the situation?
Do your direct reports know what is expected of them?
Do you provide guidance more than you impose direction?
Do you set goals for your employees and empower them to achieve them?
Do you delegate day-to-day routine functions so you can look up and out to more important things?
Do you tolerate failures and allow mistakes to happen or do you castrate your staff for even the slightest hiccup?
Do you praise more than you criticize?

So how many times did you answer Yes?

Six or seven times - You are a real leader - others will follow you through fire.
Four or five times - You are pretty good manager and a burgeoning leader. Your employees are committed, but the talents are still untapped.
Two or three times - You are average, but quite honestly, not getting as much from your people as you could.
Less than two times - You are a quintessential micromanager and your people hate working for you. They are more committed to their pay than to you.

Take It One Step Further

So now that you know where you stand in your own mind, how about asking your employees the same questions about you and your style of management?

Their answer maybe the same as yours, but if you are like most, they probably won't. But if you want to be the best manager you can be, then first you have to know what your direct reports think of you, as well as every other measure of success you have.

Once you know how you see yourself and how others see you, you are ready to take the steps you need to take to become a better manager and get more out of everyone that works for you. Throughout the next week, this blog will be dedicated to helping Managers and Leaders take small steps to becoming more effective. Join me and learn the little things you can do to make a difference in your office - both for yourself and for everyone that works for you.

It's Not The Knowledge That Makes The Difference

2009-08-05T16:50:00.000-04:00

I've spent the better part of the last three years of my life completely immersed in learning about Business. From marketing to operations and finance to human resources, the focus of my effort has been to learn and to understand how to help small businesses grow.

In my search, I have read hundreds of blogs and dozens of books, watched countless videos and listened to hours of speeches. And in spite of all the great advice out there, the single most important thing that I've learned in all of that, has little to do with any of the published knowledge and everything to do with whether or not people actually act upon the knowledge they learn.

That's right, I'm saying it matters less what you know, and more that you act upon what you know.

I know there are a lot of people that are going to get frustrated with that statement. Because if people actually listen to me, they will stop spending the hundreds of millions of dollars they are currently spending on finding out the answer, and actually begin doing what they need to do to make their businesses grow. . . take action.

It's What You Do, Not What You Know

People rarely get rich based on what they know. They do, however, get rich based on the actions they take based on what they know.

It's not necessarily having the best marketing plan. But instead actually having one and acting on it.

It's not having an MBA from a prestigious University that makes you successful in business, some of the best business men and women in the world don't even have Bachelors degrees. Instead, it's what you do, with the knowledge you have.

So, stop looking for the "silver bullet" answer out there - the one piece of education, one book, one blog, or one story that will shine the light on you. Instead begin implementing what you have learned, and make adjustments as you go and as you learn, practically.

Don't just spend all of your time learning. Start doing.

Start living!

Don't Stop And Expect The World To Stop With You

2009-08-04T13:57:00.002-04:00

The more I learn about the human experience, the more I realize that happiness requires growth every day. Not life changing growth each day, but instead, an evolution of spirit which can often only be measured over weeks, months or years.

Avoiding change and stagnation, on the other hand, are poisons to us all. Stability may feel good for a short period to "simplify your life - trying to keep life basic and measured for days at a time. But if you make this your modus operandi, you doom yourself to watching your dreams disappear before you.

The truth is, the world grows and changes around us, along with those who we hold dear to us. As happy as you may be today with what you have or who you are, that too shall pass as the circumstances that create your happiness change before you. Your babies become young adults and need you less. Your youthful, flexible and strong body will become old, and less agile. The industry you are in will evolve and out of it will grow a new industry. Each of these things will disturb your life and necessitate growth on your part - require you to become more than you are today.

Are you ready? Do you know what you want in the future?

Do you have a strategy for moving forward in a positive manner or are you just going to let it happen to you - let life pass you by and sit idly by as it happens?

You don't have to begin with dramatic change. It might work in the short term, but the likelihood of large short term changes creating long term growth towards your desired end is very slim.

Just look at life around you, it changes slowly. Sometimes even imperceptibly. And as such, you should take the same course of action. Build into our life slow and consistent, evolutionary (not revolutionary) change. The kind of change that you may not see at the end of every day, but when viewed over the course of weeks, months and years, the growth is dramatic.

Build small changes into your life that over time will create
the YOU that you want.

For example, if you currently are lacking the educational degree to move forward in your field of expertise, don't quit your job and go back to school full time, take classes - one at a time. Sure it might take a couple years, but before you know, it you will there.

Bottom line, personal change management isn't rocket science. Sure you can try to avoid change in your life, but whether you personally try to change or not, everything around you is. It's not a matter of accepting change or not in your life, instead, it's a matter of participating in it or not.

Don't do it. Change is coming. And it's inevitable even though you may not see it.

Stop being stagnant. And take charge of the changes in your life!

A Day of Reflection

2009-08-03T18:00:00.001-04:00

There are many special days in our lives, Birthdays (especially our own), our Wedding Day, the Day we graduate from High School or College, our 1st day of a new job, the day we turn 40, 50, 60 and beyond (I can only speculate the 50 and beyond, since I'm not quite there), and the passing of a dear friend or relative.

These are all important days in our lives, because they are the days that cause us to reflect on and take inventory of our lives - looking at what we've done in our past, who we are today, and of course, where we are going.

Today, was one of those such days for me - my Birthday.

It was a day that was filled with challenges and joy. Challenges of work, solving the problems and complexities that life presents me - truly my passion is looking at problems and trying to find solutions. And the joy of being surrounded by my loving family that accept me for who I am and love me simply for being me.

Birthdays, for many (myself included) tend to be milestone days. Like January 1st, we all look at the passing of another year and look at what we have accomplished and what we have yet still to do.

I recently took my kids to see the movie "Up!" And like many adults that I've spoken to, I was amazed as I sat in the theater and found myself moved far more than my children.

The story in "Up!" revolves around an elderly gentleman (voice by Ed Asner) who seeks to accomplish his youthful dreams after his lifelong partner and wife passes away. The journey that he goes on is nothing short of spectacular and is far beyond anything you might expect.

The beauty and simplicity of the storyline will touch you in a very personal way - as it as every one I have spoken to. For me, the moral the moral was simple:

"Life is what happens to you while you are trying to achieve your dreams. And whether you actually achieve the specifics of your dreams or not, by being the person of your dreams every minute of your life - starting NOW, you will live the life that you have always dreamed of having."

Needless to say, I am still on my journey - and look forward to that journey lasting many more years. But I'm not going to wait for someday to be who I want to be. I'm going to be that person today and do my best to live the words of the immortal James Dean,

"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."

Are you ready to join me?

How Effective Is Your Network?

2009-07-29T16:00:00.003-04:00

It's not what you know, but who you know.

We've all heard that adage before. But I'm hear to tell you, it doesn't even matter "who you know", if they aren't willing to help you.

So the more prudent statement is "It's not what or who you know, but what will who you know do for you."

Try saying that ten times fast.

The Numbers Don't Matter

On Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, MySpace, or any other network, it seems that people are running around trying build numbers. How many can I get and how quickly can I get them?

Unfortunately, the numbers don't matter, if none of those friends or followers will act on your behalf.

It IS About Trust, Influence, and Leadership

Effective networking is about influence. It's about building trust and about getting others to believe you are who you say you are . In essence, it's about leadership.

And because the ultimate purpose of networking is to get others to take action (how ever you may define that action), it's about getting them to BELIEVE in you.

So, how then, do you effectively build a network? How do you get others to trust and believe in you?

Is it through Social Media tools? Is it via face-to-face "networking" meetings? Or can you do it through others methods?

The answer to all of those questions is a resounding YES! You can build your network via any form of communication that you choose, face-to-face, telephone, email, social media, radio, tv, or any other form of communication that you can think of. The system isn't the key - what and how you say it is. And the most effective networks are built on the foundation of interactive communication - not broadcast communication. Which means that not only do you have to be able to talk or write, but also, listen, read, . . . and empathize.

And in spite of every one out there telling you that you can build an effective online network overnight "by taking their advice" or by using their tool, it's simply not true. Don't buy into their lies or their gimmicks.

Networking, effective networking where you can both trust and be trusted by the people in your "group", takes time, commitment and a lot of elbow grease. You have to be willing to talk to people, learn about them, understand them, give and take in the relationship, and of course be trustworthy. Or you will end up with a lot of acquaintances - and very few friends that will act on your behalf.

So, stop just looking at the numbers in your network - numbers don't tell the whole truth. Instead, start looking at the effectiveness of your network, and that requires you to honestly assess how much influence you have over your network of friends, or how little.

Learn Stress Management From How Pilots Handle Emergencies

2009-07-28T09:12:00.008-04:00

In Naval Aviation, at least once a year, every pilot is required to demonstrate his procedural and system knowledge through a written test and a "check ride" in a simulator - the NATOPS (Naval Air Training and Operating Procedures Standardization) Check Flight / Simulator. And to say that this simulator flight is stressful, is the understatement of the year. These "check rides" are 60+ minutes of stress, anxiety and emergencies (one after another) - from engines failing, fires, flight control failure, to complete electrical loss, every thing is free game - often times resulting in the pilot being forced to make the decision to eject from the aircraft.

The check rides were actually intended to accomplish two things:

1. Check procedural knowledge
2. See how well the pilot is able to load shed and compartmentalize in stressful situations.

Needless to say, of the many things that I learned when I was a pilot, one of the most important ones, that has definite applicability to life in general, is that when things get "out of control", the key is to slow everything down, assess the situation and then take the necessary actions to move forward - one step at a time.

Three Things To Do When Things Are Happening Too Fast

All process in aviation are built on preparation and habit patterns. Every pilot learns from the beginning of their training to memorize procedures, not just word for word, but in action and deed. You see, it's not just about which switches to move, but also where they are in the cockpit, why they need to be moved, and what they look and feel like.

So when it comes to handling emergencies and / or stress, it isn't about doing "new" things for the first time, it's instead refreshing old memories and activating pre-planned responses.

To assist in the "emergency handling", as a Navy Pilot, we are taught three things that not only have applicability in flying, but also in handling stressful life situations as well.

- Slow things down - as slow as you possibly can handle. In the fighter aircraft, this literally meant slow the plane down from 400 mph to 200 mph hour. This "slowing down" gives you something that nearly every person needs in a stressful, overloaded scenario - more time to think about how you are going to handle the situation when you get to where you are inevitably going.

In real life, this means simply, don't rush yourself. The faster you go, trying to do things quickly, in both life and in a cockpit, the more likely you are going to miss important steps and / procedures along the way. And the more likely that you will have to go back and do them a second or even third time - actually costing you more time than if you had just taken your time the first go 'round.

Bottom line, SLOW DOWN and take your time.

- Load shed everything you possibly can on others standing by to help. Besides slowing the plane down when hit with an emergency, the next thing I, as a pilot, was taught to do was to start getting help in every way I could and then load shedding some of my key responsibilities on those standing by to help.

For example, as a single seat pilot (no co-pilot), there were people / systems that were nearly always available to pick up some hugely beneficial pieces of the puzzle. First and foremost was the Autopilot. Yep that's right, one the first things I would do as a pilot in an emergency (after making sure the plane was flying safely) was stop flying the airplane and load shed that responsibility onto a computer.

Another thing that I would do is ask my wingman or even a representative on the ground to pull out the emergency checklist and read it to me - so I could concentrate on the jet itself and not have my nose buried in a book.

In real life, this means GET HELP!

So many of us struggle with the idea of "getting help" because we are taught from a very young age that our problems are our problems - no one elses. But the more you can load shed the less important / less urgent tasks on on others, during a crisis, the quicker you can get back to normalcy.

Another aspect that falls under the "getting help" part of emergency management is not letting good intentioned other pilots or ground personnel fly your airplane. For example, ground controllers who may have the best intentions for the safety of a pilot, his crew and any passengers often steer you into bigger problems - simply cause they don't know any better. As a pilot, it's important to take control, if necessary, STATE EMPHATICALLY WHAT YOU NEED and settle for nothing less.

The same goes true in life. When you are knee deep in a stressful situation and ask for help, people will come-a-running, offering everything they can to help. It's important for YOU to keep driving your life forward in the way YOU want to and not let others take over your life.

- No matter how bad things get, the simulator ride ends eventually. This is a simple fact. Just like every morning the Sun rises, you can count on the fact that "this too shall pass". No matter how much you stress you are feeling, there is always a point when either the situation ends, or something else comes along - nothing is forever. Not even a stressful situation.

My simulator flights only lasted about an hour, even though sometimes it felt like six hours. But no matter how good or bad I would do, eventually the ride would end. Sure, if I did poorly, I had to face the music, but - the cause of the stress was over.

So it will be with what ever stress you are encountering. It too shall pass.

Finally, it's important to remember that, you can't change your current reality, but you do have control over your future. So when you are in a stressful situation, recognize your inability to change your circumstances of the immediate situation, but through your choices, you begin to influence the future - whether that future is 1 minute or possibly 1 year away. Decide what YOU want to be the outcome - YOU are a willing participant in your life - not just a spectator.

Stop Spending All Your Time On The Wrong Things.

2009-07-27T14:25:00.005-04:00

In today's world, it's SOOOO easy to get sucked into committing to much more than we really want. As it is, we work longer hours, try to be the perfect parent doing everything with our kids, and give of ourselves more than we really have to give. If these things are what you truly want. . . then keep it up. But more times than not, I find people's daily activities are built less around what they want (deep down inside) and more about "keeping up with the Joneses", doing what they did yesterday / last week or simply doing what they think others want them to do.

STOP this pattern. Stop working on things that don't really matter to you, just because that's what you have always done - or because someone, who really isn't important to you, is telling you that you have to do it.

Stop it now and begin valuing your time as much as you say you value it.

Ground yourself in what really matters.

Review what you want, your personal vision, and look at your long term and short term goals. Begin by ensuring your priorities are actually what you want. And then make sure your actions are actually getting you closer to your longer term goals and vision.

If your daily activities are helping you achieve your life's purpose and goals then COMMIT to them, like you have never committed to them before.

However, if the things you are doing every day, are not helping you achieve your goals, then get rid of them - remove them from your daily schedule. And open up time and space on your calendar and in your life for the things that do matter to you and COMMIT completely to them.

Making It All Happen

This all sounds very easy, but it is not. Most people are so intertwined with what they do every day, they can't break the chains even though they want to. They define their lives through through their daily activities - even though they really don't matter to them.

Breaking the chains of servitude to undesirable activity requires that you make yourself vulnerable - be willing to stand up for what you want and believe in and being willing to be unique. Choose to not be who you were yesterday, and instead choose to move forward towards your dreams is scary - and often debilitating.

This is not something you can do overnight . . . successfully. Thus moving forward in this matter requires you stay focused on what you want - DAILY - and NOT allowing short term distractions pull you back into the "comfortable", but limiting mindset, of being the same person you were yesterday.

Finally, another important aspect of the change process is taking small, manageable steps - not one sweeping leap. Don't drop every, un-important thing you do from you schedule today, filling it only with goal oriented actions. This will set yourself up for failure - no matter how good you might think you are. Put together a plan of action with interim steps and move on them, one step at a time.

But What If I Don't Want To Change?

2009-07-24T11:00:00.000-04:00

Have you ever heard anyone say those words?

Funny thing is, as a coach, talking to perspective clients, I hear them a lot.

Have you ever said those words yourself?

And tell yourself that your life is perfect . . . just the way it is. You don't want anything to change anything.

That would be great if life worked that way. But unfortunately it doesn't. And to be completely frank, you have a better chance of winning the lottery tomorrow than keeping your life the same as it is today . . . for even one more day.

Change Is Inevitable

We've all heard the phrase from Greek Philosopher, Heraclitus,

“No man ever steps in the same river twice,
for it's not the same river and he's not the same man.”

Even if YOU don't change, the rest of the world is changing around you - meaning that in relation to everyone and everything else, nothing is constant.

So once you finally get past the inevitability of change in your life and your business, it's time to come to realization that there are really only two options . . . you are either growing and getting better or you are shrinking and getting worse.

Your choice is simple, either make the choice of making it better . . . or have it change on it's own, with little or no input from you - often times in the wrong direction.

Define Where You Want To Go Or End Up Where The World Takes You

So, now that you realize (or at least are beginning to accept the possibility) that change is inevitable and the best way to manage it is make the choice to improve your life rather than just let life happen, what are you supposed to do about it?

How do I figure out "what is an improvement?" And what is the wrong way?

You might think that improvements in life are "universal". We all want the same things, right?

Well to be honest, nothing could be further from the truth - no two people completely want the same thing, even though they may be on the same path for most issues. Some people want money, few want adulation, while even others seek quiet and solitude. And as it turns out, what will make YOUR life better . . . is about as unique as your fingerprint.

Needless to say, if you want to change for the better, then YOU have to define "Better" - NO ONE ELSE. You can involve others, your spouse, your kids, and your friends, but the decision is actually yours and yours alone.

You have to figure out what you want, where you want to be, and what want your life to be about, in order to make it happen.

In essence, you have to define your vision!

And then, of course, you have to make the change happen towards your vision, rather than just letting it happen, in whatever direction it wants to take you.

And that is where the real fun begins. . .

Going Faster Isn't Always The Quickest Way To Get There

2009-07-23T13:00:00.001-04:00

All too often, if you are trying to get from point A to point B, speeding up, will get you there quicker. It's one of the first lessons we learn in life. And it works when dealing with things.

Unfortunately, when dealing with people, speeding up actually can cause the exact opposite effect, unintentionally. Because when it comes to people, as it relates to individual or organizational change - whether it's change, growth, or even learning "new" techniques or ideas - the quicker you try to move people, the slower the process goes. That is if it doesn't destroy it completely.

All the stages of change must be dealt with. They are part of the human experience - one that cannot simply be avoided, because its a great idea or because you are the boss. It doesn't matter if its the greatest idea and it's easier the new way or if you are the President of the United States, people must be given an opportunity to learn about and engage in the change process.

Sure, you may find that some may accept the change quickly. But there will be others that take it slowly or not at all. However, if you don't allow for / encourage the growth through the stages, giving each person a fair opportunity to engage in the process, learn about it, accept it and commit to it, you are doomed to take your accelerated efforts right into the wall of resistance.

Change takes time - give it time and you will be well rewarded. Accelerate the change too quickly, and you will face resistance and speed bumps / barriers - the likes you've never seen.

Action Expresses Priorities

2009-07-22T09:00:00.000-04:00

“Action expresses priorities.”
Mahatma Ghandi

Funny thing happens on the way to becoming who we want to be, whether we like it or not, your actions are defined by our priorities - our goals. So, if you want to know how you feel about something, just look at how much time you have been putting into it (or not putting into it).

When you are focused on something and thinking about it consciously, your actions reflect the importance of it. But if the goal is a new one, or a major change to your past desires / priorities, then when you aren't consciously thinking about it, quite often, you unconsciously drift back into the priorities of your past - priorities and thus actions that help maintain the status quo.

Often when talking to clients, they will tell me something is very important to them - that they want to make it happen in their lives. But when I ask them what they are doing about it, or how much time they are spending on it, they begin to realize how little their commitment really is to it.

As an example, this Blog is a MAJOR priority to me. But recently, I have to admit, I have not been giving the time necessary to make it happen - every day. My actions have been focused on other things - other priorities. I have unconsciously, pushed this blog lower on my priority list, and it shows - both in actions and results.

The more you can keep your conscious mind focused on your priorities, the more likely your actions will follow - and thus so will results.

Don't get distracted by lower priorities items, that are easy - rather than the highest priorities in your life. Don't just say they are a priority - MAKE THEM A PRIORITY every day - and make sure your actions reflect it.

Bottom line . . . Focus on your priorities today . . . and your actions will follow.

Just Go For It!!!

2009-07-16T16:00:00.002-04:00

Have you ever had a great idea for a business or a new product and then let it slip away?

Only to read about it 3 years later when someone else got rich actually bringing your great idea to the market.

It's a cliche we hear a lot. But in this case, it is so true.

If you believe in something, Just Go For It!!!

He Who Hesitates Is Lost

Unfortunately, if you are like many out there, you hesitate, get scared, over-analyze or simply say to yourself, it's just not worth it.

Well, if you want my opinion, that's an absolute crock. If you have the skills, knowledge and support to pull it off, then simply take the chance and go for it.

Don't Get Analysis Paralysis

According to many great leaders, don't wait for the 100% solution, it will almost always be too late. In fact GEN Colin Power (Ret), Former Secretary of State, actually felt that once you were about 70% confident of success, go with your instincts.

Too often when we get a great idea or we get a "wild hair", we sit back, and either over analyze or simply wait for "a sign" to tell us NOW is the time.

The truth is, you need to do your due diligence - figure out what you want to have happen, your steps to make it happen and then the possible hiccups that could get in the way, as well as potential unintended consequences. But once you have done that work, and you are reasonably confident in the outcome, then it's time to take action.

Share Your Idea Only With People You Trust

One of the biggest mistakes you can make when you have a burgeoning idea, is to share it with the wrong people. When you aren't fully confident yourself in an idea, quite often sharing it too quickly or sharing with the wrong people can cause enormous, insurmountable damage. The reason this is so dangerous, is because when you are just beginning to believe in something new, your subconscious mind is often feeding your conscious mind negative inputs trying to maintain the status quo, so when you get a reflection of those inputs from outside sources, your conscious mind is very susceptible to believing them.

Find A Way To Take The First Step

One of the ways to avoid falling into the trap of hesitation / analysis paralysis or getting stifled by sharing with the wrong person too quickly, is to take the first step. This means commit some time, money, and / or energy to the project to get it moving forward. Make the first step be something that you can both feel good about and is going to generate a feeling of commitment that will force you to stick to it.

But the bottom line, when it comes to turning great ideas into reality, JUST GO FOR IT!!!

Your Clients Aren't Buying Your Product!

2009-07-15T16:00:00.002-04:00

Ask any marketer, the best way to promote or sell a product, service, or idea is to show the benefits to the specific person you are trying to get to buy.

It's the benefits that people are really buying - not the product.

Thus the struggle for any marketing department (and thus for every small business owner) is figuring out which benefits are to sell your product - and which ones aren't. It's figuring out what makes you, your business and the products you sell stand out and want to be bought.

For example, people don't want to pay for someone to cut and style their hair as much as they want to feel more beautiful. But when they have looked at all their options on "how to look and feel more beautiful", they usually decide that they will go to a professional to have them do it.

Cutting, coloring, or styling hair are the services provided, but looking and feeling beautiful is the benefit.

Likewise, people don't go to the local baseball stadium to watch a baseball game, they can watch one (just about any time of day or night) on TV. They go down to the stadium, because of the benefits of seeing a game live - the roar of the crowd, the excitement and energy of the stadium, and the memories it invokes of when they were young. They aren't paying as much for the game as they are paying for the experience and memories of the event.

The ball game, the hot dogs and peanuts / cracker jacks are the products, but the energy, excitement and the memories are the benefit.

I could go on with just about any product or service out there, but I think you get the point. The key is to look beyond what you sell and figure out the benefits that your clientele were sold on when they hired you or bought your products.

Or even more importantly, the key is to figure out the what benefits your potential clients are looking to fulfill.

But you can't stop there - as most business owners that get this far do. The second half of the equation is understanding what people are willing to exchange - usually money and / or time - for the benefits you are offering.

And this comes down to understanding the value people place on the benefits your product or service are providing / offering.

Safety is a great benefit that many cars offer as their primary benefit, but that's not necessarily the a benefit that a 19 year old boy is willing to spend much money on. Where it is priceless to a 35 year old single Mom of three kids.

So the the real question comes down to, what is the value of the benefits you offer - not in your mind . . . but in the mind of your current and potential customers?

I'm sorry to say, finding this answer is not easy. It takes considerable work. But without it, you are simply throwing darts at a dartboard, blindfolded. And far too many business owners (large and small) make the mistake of thinking they know - when in fact they don't. But if you take away only one thing from this blog, let it be that if you want to know what matters to your clients (why they are buying your product),

YOU HAVE TO ASK THEM!

In the case of the hair stylist (I mentioned above) people don't just want to look beautiful, once a week or once a month, they want to look that way EVERY DAY - but they know they can't afford it. Many people are willing to do a lot of daily personal hair care (washing it, blowing it dry and even maybe coloring it on occasion), but most value a professional when it comes to get it cut. While others value their beauty so much they are willing to pay for washing and curling by a professional every week.

The truth is, what benefits people are looking for and how much they value those benefits vary greatly. But if you truly want to make someone (or a group / target market) your client, YOU as the marketer / business owner need to learn and take the time to understand these things and use them to grow and enhance both your business and your customer's experience when they to choose you over every other way to satisfy their needs.

Why Blog

2009-07-14T14:00:00.003-04:00

I wrote a blog / article about a month ago, called "Why Twitter?" about the social media tool Twitter and why I think it is something worth investigating for many of the people I know. This blog, is both an independent stand alone piece, and at the same time an extension of that other blog about Twitter.

This story is about Blogging itself, why I do it, and why you should too.

What Is A Blog?

For those of you who don't know, but were afraid to ask, BLOG is short for Web Logs. And the truth is, they have nearly as many purposes as there are blogs themselves. People blog for self expression, to make money, and to document who they are and what they've done / currently doing. They blog to stay in touch with friends and family, to save their ideas, to motivate others to take action, to entertain, and to influence others to take action or to influence how they think.

But why others blog isn't nearly as important as why you should blog.

Why Should You Blog?

If you do a search on Google, "Why Blog?", there over 192,000,000 results. So there is very little reason for me to write another blog on blogging, but to be honest with you, that's precisely why I choose to do it.

My answer to this question is simpler than all the rest that I have read - the reason you should Blog is simply because YOU matter.

Many write blogs to gain fame, fortune, power, notariety or for a cause they believe in. And you can do it for any of those reasons if that's what drives you. But many I talk to don't want those things, and therefor think the blogosphere isn't for them.

In my opinion, nothing could be further from the truth.

Blog because your life is unique.

Because your experiences on this earth are one of a kind.

Because your stories and ideas are an intricate part of the weave of our society.

And whether or not you recognize it, no one ever again will live the life that you have lived and gained the life perspective that you have gained.

So, if you don't capture the elements of YOU that make you who YOU are, then very likely, your stories will die and fade with the memories of you.

Why I Blog

One of the most influential books in my life was a book by Kent Nerburn, Letters To My Son. It's not a complex book or even a great book, but the idea behind the book has made a lasting impression on me that I find continually drawing me to write my story, my ideas.w

The basis for Nerburn's book was a series of letters that he wrote to his son that in his absense (should that have happened), there would be a collection of letters which explained the knowledge and wisdom he gained through life, but for one reason or another was unable to pass along.

As I sit here and write this blog, and every blog that I have written thus far, I do it for posterity. I do it for those who will follow me and want to know what I felt and what I thought about different the world I lived in. I write it so that my son, my daughter, their children and their children's children will understand where they came from and WHO they came from.

I do it so that my thoughts, dreams and vision for the future are captured for whomever cares to read them - whether it be you, my son, my daughter, and even me, sometime in the future.

I may have a theme that defines my blog, "Helping Others Achieve Their Dreams In Business and Their Lives", but there is no mistaking it, my life is blended into each of the stories I write. My life story is being written out in the words that I include in this blog.

My stories, may be actively read today or may sit dorment for 10 years, 30 years, or maybe even 150 years, but somewhere, someday, someone may find them and simply enjoy them for what they are, the memoirs and rantings of someone who wanted to make a positive difference in this world.

Don't Write It For The Readers - Do It For YOU

This might not make sense to many, but writing for others is one of the biggest reasons that people who start to blog. But also the same reason that most people quit. They write to attract others - to gain money, power, influence or recognition. Unfortunately, though, because of the vastness of the "blogosphere", they discouraged that no one is reading - that no one is finding their stories and they eventually quit.

Don't write for others - even though you might be writing to others. WRITE FOR YOURSELF. Write because of the story you have to tell, not because you are worried about who is reading or listening.

Sure, you may get a great following, and even gain the money, power, influence and recognition you seek, but it's very important to recognize that when it comes to blogging and / or writing, the best, most heart felt words come from those who do it as much for the process as for the result.

How To Get Started

If you are interested in starting a blog, there are many ways to do so, and thousands of experts that are standing by to tell you the BEST way. But don't get overwhelmed. There any many very simple site and / or books that will walk you through the process.

The best book I've found for the basic user is:

Blogging for Dummies

And the best website available to help you walk through the process with no "bias" towards any specific product is:

http://www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Blog

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Good Luck in your adventure. And if you do start a blog. Please come back to here and let me know. I'd love to hear about it, read what you have to say, and maybe even contribute a comment or two to your story.

Do you want a better life or do you just want to dream about a better life?

2009-07-13T15:00:00.000-04:00

Here's a tough question for you . . .

Do you want a better life or do you just want to dream about a better life?

Which is it?

If you want happiness and peace in your life, then you must choose one . . . or the other. Because in my humble opinion, it is wanting and not doing that causes more stress and unhappiness in peoples lives than anything else.

Choosing Makes a Difference

Happiness comes from living in the moment - regardless of whether or not that moment is born out of purposefulness or purposelessness. But when you live in the past or dwell on what might happen in the future, happiness is illusive - and you tend to struggle - struggle with regret and worry.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that happiness isn't hard work. Of course it is. But I also believe there is nothing harder in life than commitment to happiness. Because happiness is something that you must be create each and every day, by staying present and committed to the moment at hand.

Which Choice is Right For You?

If you make the choice and commit to "having a better life", then stop talking about it and JUST DO IT. Stop regretting the past or worrying about the future. Simply create a plan of action for YOUR BETTER LIFE and take each step as it comes to you - in the moment. Sure there will be hard times - on that you can depend. But if it is your dream life that you are creating, isn't it worth any hardship you might endure along the way?

Of if you find yourself choosing to just "dream about having the life you want" - then stop taking actions that are going to create it for you - simply live it in your dreams. Spend the rest of your time simply accepting the life that you have. And so long as you accept that your dream is just that, a dream, then there can be no regret in the past, or worry about the future. . . simply allowing life to happen as it plays out before you.

So, Which Is It?

So it comes down to this - either defining and creating your vision or simply letting circumstances dictate your destiny. Either way . . . it is up to you!

Make the choice. Live in the moment. And find your happiness.

Make Goals Actionable!

2009-07-13T10:00:00.003-04:00

One of the key jobs of a leader is to both define the vision of an organization and to help set it's goals. Unfortunately, though, most goals set by leaders lack "Action-ability" for those whose responsibility it is to make the goals a reality.

That is to say that the goals set by leadership are great organizational goals, but the lower ranks of the organization, the employees, struggle understanding how THEIR actions can and will help achieve the goals.

So, along with the setting large "top level" goals that drive the organization in the direction it needs to go, great leaders also break down the big goals into action-able goals for each segment of the organization.

An Example From Naval Aviation

"On the average" there is at least one major accident / incident that either takes a Sailor's life or hurts him severely every time a Carrier Battle Group (the Aircraft Carrier and it's supporting entourage) prepares for and ships out for a 6-Month Deployment.

As such, to be inspirational and to change the "seemingly inevitable outcome", every Commanding Officer, preparing to deploy, sets a goal of NO Major Accidents and ZERO fatalities for the cycle. It is a very worthy goal - one that everybody on the crew can get behind.

Unfortunately, this goal lacks action-ability at the individual level.

The goal is intended to inspire the crew to "be safe" in everything they do. But too often, most sailors get a "salty" attitude after being at sea for a while that makes them think that it's not them that is going to get hurt, but instead SOMEONE else. "Salty Sailors" loose their focus on their own "personal" safety, believing the individuals that are going to get hurt or cause an accident are the "newbies" of the crew.

Although it is likely that the "green" crew members are most likely to be accident prone, on the flight deck of an Aircraft Carrier at sea, it only takes a second of inattention to detail and you could lose your life - flight deck ops are not age discriminate.

Unfortunately, very rarely is this goal of "NO Major Accidents and ZERO Fatalities" met.

As it turns out, in my last Squadron, I had one Skipper who refused to set that goal. In fact as a command (our squadron), we had no organizational-wide safety goals. He didn't like the idea of big goals, because he didn't feel that it was "actionable" by each person. Based on his experience, a command wide safety was TOO BIG, and left the average sailor dis-empowered to take action - putting all the burden on every one else.

Instead, for the deployment, he had every person in the squadron commit to setting a personal goal of coming home safely with no major injuries. He empowered each member of our squadron to achieve their own "personal" goal of a safe return . . . and it worked.

Think about it. By changing the goal from a command-wide goal to individual goals, each sailor felt ownership - could see how they were able to directly contribute to the goal.

Turn Your Larger Goals Into Action-able Plans

The truth is what my old Commanding Officer really did was put "actionability" into the bigger goal. And he did so by putting personal accountability into the process.

Large goals are important - they create eustress that draws your forward. But the when it comes to living each day, "Large Goals" are tough. It's often hard to decide what needs to be done each and every day, when the goals are "too big".

Doubling your sales and / or profits on a business level or wanting to lose 25 pounds within 1 year on a personal level is wonderful. But what does that mean you have to do TODAY.

When it comes living your goals, your "actionability" doesn't go any further than today. It doesn't do any good to worry about what you are going to do next week, next month or even tomorrow. TODAY is all you can affect.

Make sure that your goals are turned into actionable plans, that include small bite sized, manageable tasks that you can focus on and accomplish. And when you build your plan correctly, each small step you take, gets you a step closer to your Large Goal.

Bottom line - Focus your energy on what you CAN do today - the action-able little steps that make the big goals a reality over time.

Don't END The Same Way As This Small Town Restaurant

2009-07-10T16:00:00.001-04:00

There is a restaurant in a small town near where I live that has recently been closed and "bought out" by a new owner. The original restaurant was seemingly a perfect match for the small town folk it set itself up to serve. Unfortunately, it didn't last.

Here is a short story about what happened and the lesson to be learned.

For a couple months the small town restaurant did VERY well. Any time of the day, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it didn't matter. It was busy. People not only came in to try it out, but also because they enjoyed the fact that they had a "new" meeting place, to visit with all of their friends and family.

Bottom line . . . business was good. And it looked like it was going to be good for quite some time.

But, as is often the case with small businesses, especially restaurants, business started to fall off. Slow at first, but eventually quite rapidly. And with little word, the doors closed unceremoniously for the final time under the old management.

What Happened?

Depending on who you ask, you will likely get different answers to that question.

For example, if you ask the owners, they will blame the economy and the "cheap" town folk. from their point of view, it wouldn't matter how good or how cheap the meals were, there just wasn't enough interest in the small town for the restaurant.

But. . . if you ask the patrons, they will tell you a whole other story. A story of inconsistent product and deteriorating quality that seemed to be common knowledge amongst the town folk.

So, what was it? The customers or the business?

Far too often business owners make excuses for the decline of their business: the economy, the new business across town, finicky customers, and / or even cheap customers. And rarely face do they face the real truth - they aren't meeting the needs of their clientele.

The truth is, most customers (people like you and me) love to find a place that we can call our own - a business that we can rely on and that makes us feel like we matter. And if it is really good, we will brag about it to every one we know - not only to help the business grow, but to be the show everyone how great we are to have found it first.

Unfortunately though, in order for us, as customers, to come back, not just once, but again and again, we have to know what we are going to get - we have to feel like we are going to get the same service, the same food, the same EXPERIENCE every time we walk through the doors.

And that my friends, is what this small town restaurant failed to produce - a consistent experience each and every time people came back for a meal.

You see, when they first opened, it was the owners that did everything. They cooked, they waited and bussed the tables, cleaned, and of course managed the entire operation. The experience their patrons had and the meals they enjoyed were born out of the pride of the owners. But very rapidly, the business grew beyond the owners' capacity to support on their own and they were forced to hire help. And so, they did exactly that - they hired good, experienced help.

They hired cooks with previous experience in short order cooking and a wait staff that was fully capable. And they did so, because the one thing the owners didn't know how to do was teach anyone how to do it like them - nor did they want to take the time to learn how.

With the new staff, came a NEW experience for the customer. Not necessarily a bad experience, but DEFINITELY not the one they got when it was just the owners doing everything. And so, slowly but surely a lot of the original, reliable customers stopped coming in.

Although the owners noticed a small drop off in patronage, there were enough new customers that were coming in that seemed to like the food and the service with the hired help that the business was able to survive. And besides, the owners liked feeling like they didn't have to do EVERY THING all the time.

Unfortunately though, as months passed, and the bills continued to exceed the sales, the owners had a make a decision - cut expenses or go out of business. So. . . they decided to cut in two arenas, they reduced (just slightly) the quantity of servings (that seemed only natural since most plates had lots of food left over after the meals) and they cut their experienced staff and hired some high school students with little / no experience (heck if McDonalds could do it, so could they).

Although it might make financial sense to impose these cuts (and often it does create a benefit in the short term), good financial sense doesn't always mean good business sense. And as it turns out, it was the beginning of the end of the restaurant.

In fact, it was only 4 short months later that this decent restaurant in a small town, aching for a nice restaurant, declared bankruptcy.

The Lesson To Be Learned

What it came down to was the fact that the owners failed to realize one VERY important fact when it comes to business:

It's easy to get new customers to walk through your doors - all you have to do is promise them an experience that appeals to them. But running a business isn't getting them to come in once - success in business is based on the ability of the business to deliver the same experience the customer enjoyed, again and again and again.

In the case of this small restaurant, it wasn't that their food or service were bad, it was that every time customers came in the door, they didn't know what they were going to get. Literally, it was like walking into a different restaurant every time they visited.

So with each visit, the customers got more and more disenfranchised and frustrated, until one by one, each decided to stop patronizing.

And in the case of this small restaurant in this little country town, there just wasn't enough potential customers in the pool to keep it afloat.

The lesson is simple . . . quality is great to get people to come once. But consistency is the key to long term success. And the key to consistency in product / service is to build your business based on systems, not people.

They Are Getting Rich Selling You Ideas - Not Providing You Solutions

2009-07-09T10:14:00.000-04:00

As I go through my morning routine, looking for something great to discuss in the blog today, I can't help but laugh. Every other blog or web-page is selling something. They are selling the "best ideas" on how you can change your life or change your business. In fact, one Blog I found talks about the 50 Marketing Tips that will generate customers for you immediately. Another provides the Top 11 Great Sales Tips to turn a No into a Yes.

Guess what? They all work - and at the same time . . . none of them work.

The truth is, there are thousands of consultants (and yes, even coaches, present company included) who are selling their ideas to be the "be all, end all" of your problem solving needs. And do you know who is making all the money with their ideas? THEY ARE.

As I tell all my clients, there are no magical seeds or perfect solutions for every business. What it takes is a Just Do It attitude more than anything else.

Don't get me wrong - you need the information that these gurus are providing you - they do have some great ideas. But what you need more than the ideas is the commitment and dedication to doing what they say, measure how well it is working for you, and then making a sound business decision (based on the numbers, not feelings) on whether to keep it up (and for how long) or try something else.

Everything takes time. Marketing doesn't happen overnight. Leadership is not a skill you master after going to a class. Customer service requires dedication and commitment to putting the customer first each and every day - it's never ending. Sales usually requires getting nine "NOs" just so you can get to the one "YES". If you quit halfway (or even nine tenths) into the process of any of these things, you will see the process as a failure. When in fact the only failure was that you quit.

So commit and dedicate what it takes to make the change to reach the goals you want. And start today - change occurs the minute you decide to make it. And believe it or not, the decision and commitment to act is more important than what you decide.

Just Not Feeling Up To Much Today?

2009-07-08T12:00:00.000-04:00

Quite often, as a coach that interacts with his clients daily, I find that many clients fall into ruts (feelings of low focus and energy) that tend to cause them to struggle with their daily activities and achieving their goals.

They just aren't feeling up to much that day!

Low-Level Stress

Believe it or not, your low level stress (your baseline stress) is having a bigger impact on your life than you may realize. And in the case of my clients, its usually this that is dragging them down.

Stress is your body's response to specific events and situations. It is simply the way the body is built to respond to situations that are challenging you, physically, emotionally, intellectually or spiritually. It is designed to help you overcome struggles in very difficult situations.

However, stress isn't just a response to immediate threats that you face, it can also build and assist you in responding to longer term events, like coping with a divorce, long term financial struggles, getting married, moving, chronic illness, or any other long term changes to your life.

Long-term stressful situations can produce a lasting, low-level stress that's hard on people over time - physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. This can wear you out, leave you feeling tired, unmotivated, distracted, overwhelmed, feeling of hopelessness and despair and even weaken the body's immune system.

Have you ever felt that way?

It's Impacting Your Daily Performance

I'm not a psychologist / physiologist or anything of the sort, but as part of my training in Aviation (and understanding Aviation Safety), I learned quite a bit about having not only day-to-day stressors that can impact performance. I also spent a lot of time learning about long term stressors that can create unsafe situations and how to recognize those stressors in other pilots. In the Navy, we call these stressors, Human Factors - and defined them as issues that could generally impede the peak performance of an aviator.

And as you might surmise, in Naval Aviation, not being at "peak performance" can be extremely dangerous.

Although most people think it's the case, it's NOT usually your daily stress levels that causes you to feel "out of it" . . . we are all pretty good at handling day-to-day stress levels. And our body is designed physiologically pretty darn well to handle short term stress.

Basically, when short term stress occurs, it activates the adrenal glands to produce more of the hormones adrenaline and cortisol and release them into the bloodstream - giving you energy and focus to overcome problems. This is the activation of your "fight or flight" mode.

However one of the secondary effects of elevated adrenaline and cortisol in your bloodstream is that your body also reduces blood flow to the higher levels of your brain stem. In essence you are working with a considerably lower IQ, because there isn't enough blood flowing to give you access to your more advanced thought processes.

When you are feeling out of it, distracted, "unmotivated", just not wanting to do or accomplish anything, many times, what you are feeling is the result of a higher baseline stress level.

It's very Difficult To Lower Your Baseline Stress Level

The truth is, you can lower your day to day stress spikes pretty easily by taking simple steps, but it is very difficult to reduce this long term stress.

What triggers a "tough day" is usually something related to one of your long term stressors that causes that long term stressor to drive it to the forefront of the mind.

The reason this is soooo tough, is because it isn't usually something that "feels" that stressful at the time. . . but that distracted feeling actually comes from two fronts:

Your increased stress levels decrease blood flow to your higher thought levels of your brain, and
Your subconscious mind is working overtime trying to solve the cause of the low-level stress, demanding more and more from your already overworked adrenal glands and not giving you all the "support" throughout the day that you are used to.

Impacts Of High Baseline Stress Levels

It may sound weird, but when your low level stress gets above the levels that you are comfortable with, you are actually more likely to get into a car accident, get hurt or screw up on the job, and even miss important events (lose track of time).

The ability to multi-task goes down dramatically - you are more likely going to drop a ball that you are normally very good at juggling. And focus and concentration levels will drop dramatically as well.

Many more obvious symptoms include:

anxiety or panic attacks
a feeling of being constantly pressured, hassled, and hurried - never feeling caught up or rested
mood swings, over-reacting, or even underreacting to situations
physical symptoms, such as stomach problems, headaches, skin problems or even chest pain - the symptoms vary from person to person
allergic reactions, such as eczema or asthma
problems sleeping
doing anything to excess - from smoking, eating, dieting, drugs, drinking or any other vice that you may have
sadness or depression

Finally, it's important to note that everyone experiences stress differently. But what is usually quite consistent is how individuals deal with stress, regardless of the cause. That is, if you get irritable from financial stress, then you will most likely get irritable from other low level, long term stressors.

So when and if you find your symptoms to increased levels of long term stress, remember them and watch for them. Be very aware and begin to take actions to "load shed" as the stress builds.

Dealing With Elevated Low-Level Stress

The first key to dealing with long term, low-level stress is recognizing the problem. That is being aware of your stress and YOUR specific symptoms. And then, rather than trying to treat the symptoms, begin to treat the cause - your elevated stress levels.

As an example, my key symptom is a auto-immune disease flair up - my body attacks my skin from the inside. I don't see it right away, as it flares up about a month or so following the onset of the increased stress levels, but when it does, it can be tough.

The problem is that no matter what I try to do to relieve the skin irritations, all I'm doing is relieving the symptoms. I have to attack the problems and look at my long terms stressors - try to balance my life better and live within my abilities.

Spikes in day-to-day stress levels have very little effect on me, but chronically high baseline stress can be overwhelming. And it can be to you too.

Why All Of This Matters

The truth is, all of this matters, because it can help you cope with your life, your situation, and your stresses better. It gives you awareness and better understanding of your life situation so that you are more prepared to handle it. And it helps you recognize that what you are feeling is a natural reaction to the life you living. . . and that you have a choice for the future.

Take a moment to look at your life stressors and do your best to honestly assess how you well you are coping.

Is your baseline, low-level stress something you are coping well with?

Or are you constantly feeling the overwhelmed, overworked, fatigued, unfocused, and distracted?

Separate Yourself From Your Competition

2009-07-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

What a surprise . . . another great post today by Seth Godin, Taking The Leap. His blog this morning is about how market leaders tend to be head and shoulders above their competition with insulation that provides a considerable safety net.

In his words, Godin speaks of large market domination, siting examples that dominate the national / world scene. But the points he makes don't just apply to Big Conglomerates, but also to small "Mom and Pop" businesses in what ever market they define to be their market.

- If you are small Hair Salon in a small suburban town, it is possible to dominate YOUR geographic, demographic market.

- If you are small growing coffee shop chain in the Midwest, find out what separates you from your competition and build on it to grow and eventually dominate your market.

- Or if you are a Industrial Thread distribution company, it's possible to develop your systems in such a way that you grow and surpass your competition in such a powerful way that you build a chasm between you and them in your market.

Specifically, Godin offers three ways to separate yourself and build insulation:

- Spend your way to the top (Nike pulled this one off)
- Build an empire quietly, so that by the time any one notices you, they can't catch up (Build-a-Bear is a model for this).
- "Network Effect" (as he calls it), some markets are ready for one intermediary company to show up and be the default winner. (Twitter is an example of this).

Of the three ways to separate yourself from your competition, the one that you have the most control over is the second - build slowly and smartly under the radar (that is unless you are independently wealthy and / or just want to take the risk of being in the right place at the right time). And therefor the one that you should be focused on from a strategic perspective.

Unfortunately, building slowly under the radar requires consistency, discipline and focus - three things I find most small businesses lack.

The good news is that you don't have to be an MBA to pull this off. In fact, if you have formal training, you often tend to do what everyone else is already doing - which never leads to an enormous market advantage. Instead all you need to understand is three key points.

The essence to domination comes down:

Focus on and grow towards your vision - not just trying to beat the competition
Innovation and the development of a culture of constant improvement - where you examine your systems and how they work and improving them to better serve your needs and the needs of your customers.
Long term relationships with all your stakeholders built on mutual benefit: employees, shareholders, customers, suppliers, and local communities.

If you work on these three elements and do so diligently, before your competition even realizes what you are doing, you will have so much momentum that they can't even come close to catching you - for a long, long time.

Procrastination or Daily Commitment - How Do YOU Live Your Life?

2009-07-06T12:00:00.000-04:00

Procrastination or Daily Commitment?

Here's a test for you . . .

This next month, be diligent about your lawn care and your house cleaning. Mow, trim, water and generally care for your yard regularly (once a week or so). Wash your dishes, do the laundry, dust, wipe the counters, and maintain your home consistently (every day or so).

Then the following month . . . do nothing for the whole month and clean it up on the last day of the month (if you even can).

When you are all done, think about what you just did and ask yourself a couple questions:

- Which one was easier to do?
- Which one felt better - made you happier?
- How did you feel when your family "popped in during the third week of each month"?
- At the end of the month, which yard and home looked better?

Do you really need to do this exercise to know what your answers will be? I don't think so.

Apply This Test To Your Life And Your Business

What if we apply this same idea to ourselves? Or to our relationships? To our customers and our suppliers and our employees?

Do you think putting a little effort in every day, or at least regularly (once or twice a week) would better serve you than ignoring the what matters most to you for months or years at a time?

Again, I know you know the answer. Unfortunately, knowing the answer and doing something about it, are two completely different things.

You can't just say you are going to take better care of yourself every day - physically, emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually. You must do it everyday!

You can't just say you are going to be a better Parent, Spouse, Friend, or Sibling? You have to commit to giving to the relationship regularly!

You can't just tell your customers that they really matter to you "Once in a Blue Moon". You have to show them!

And none of these things are easy.

You forget to eat healthy, work out, or set aside some time to read a good book.

You forget to give your wife a hug, just because you love her.

You forget that your kids are only going to be this age ONCE in their lifetime, until it's already past.

And you forget that if you don't take care of your customers and make them feel wanted in your business, then someone else will.

So, the question is . . . how do you do all of this every day (or at least regularly)?

That is the ultimate question, isn't it?

Believe it or not, it's simpler than you think it is. But simple doesn't equal easy. If it were easy, odds are, you'd already be doing it.

In my opinion, the answer is a SYSTEM - a process that you can regularly count on to keep you on track and not let you get away with not being who you say you want to be.

You need daily accountability that keeps you focused on your priorities when life gets in the way and overwhelms you with other things.

And because most of us can't do this on our own (as we prove daily), you need someone, somewhere, somehow that will call you out (objectively) when you don't do what you say you want to to get done. You need an accountability partner.

An accountability partner can be friend, a family member, a spouse, a mentor, a coach, a clergy, or even someone you barely know. But the key is that you need to be able to hear their inputs and respect them, without taking things personally.

They need to tell you when you aren't doing what you set out to do, but not in a judging way.

They need to help you stay focused and keep you on track . . . especially when you are drifting the most.

They need to be able to give you tools and techniques to get you back on track and encourage you when you need a little support.

But most important, they need to be there . . . even when you don't want them to be. Because at some point in the process of daily accountability, you aren't going to want to hear it any more. You aren't going to like being challenged any more. You are going to want to go back to not taking care of things . . . the way you used to do.

You are going to want to start cleaning house and mowing just once a month again with the relationships and things that matter most to you in your life.

And the only one that is going to keep you from going there is going to be your accountability partner.

So choose wisely.

If you want more information about how to put into place a system that will help you and your accountability partner stay on track, or if you are interested in finding out more about a life or business coach to help you with this effort, please contact me at coach.jj@impossiblefutures.com

Where Are You In Your Life?

2009-07-05T12:00:00.001-04:00

Where are you in your life?

Are you at the beginning with your whole life ahead of you?

Are you in the middle, with as many days behind you as you have ahead of you?

Or are you nearing the end with much of you life's story already told?

But more importantly, does it matter? Is the value of your life defined by the time you have already spend on this earth, the quantity of time you have left, or what you make of the time that you are blessed with?

It will probably come as no surprise - I personally feel all that really matters is how you spend your remaining time on this earth - not what you have done before or how much time you have left to do it.

Two, amazingly true stories that most people are familiar with that define this idea of quality of your time remaining are about Randy Pausch and Alexandra Scott.

Randy Pausch, a Computer Science Professor at Carnegie Mellon University, took his final days in his battle against pancreatic cancer to deliver a moving speech, his last lecture as a Professor, that made the world stop and take notice. The speech which he ended up giving a number of times to numerous audiences afterwards, was hit with millions of people around the world and passed on a legacy to his children that will shape their live forever. (click here to watch a reprisal of Randy Pausch's last lecture).

Alexandra "Alex" Scott, a young girl who, just two days before her first birthday, was diagnosed with neuroblastoma, a pediatric cancer. During the remaining seven years of her life, with the assistance of her brother, Alex raised over $1,000,000 to help other children who are fighting cancer selling lemonade. Today, her passion to make a difference is the inspiration behind, Alex's Lemonade Stand, a non-profit foundation that has raised over $25 Million. Their motto is fighting Childhood Cancer, one cup at a time.

These two stories are inspirations. But YOU don't have to wait to find out that you are going to die, to do the same. Rather than just waking up every morning and living the same day you lived yesterday, "make a difference". Grow and become who you want to be - whomever that is.

Don't wait for someday. Because although the time you have left on this earth doesn't matter to how much of a difference you can make, it is limited, and there is no guarantee for another tomorrow.

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If you are interested in reading a great true story or watching a wonderful movie about the making a difference with your life, even if it is from your own bed with Lou Gehrig's Disease, check out "Tuesdays With Morrie: An Old Man, A Young Man, and LIfe's Greatest Lesson". A fantastic story, that is a must read. And an amazing portrayal by Jack Lemmon of Morrie Schwartz in the made for TV movie of the same name.

Are YOU Willing To Risk YOUR Life For Your Vision?

2009-07-04T09:00:00.000-04:00

By putting their names on the Declaration, the 54 men might well have been signing their own death warrants. Had the Revolution failed, they would have been high on the list of traitors to the Crown, certain to be imprisoned or more likely executed. Their commitment to a higher ideal despite their differences and the danger of their situation prompted John Hancock to say, "There must be no pulling different ways: we must all hang together." Benjamin Franklin added, "We must indeed all hang together, or most assuredly we will all hang separately."

I share these words with you because real commitment to a vision is that serious. It could cost you your life. Not the physicality of your life (as it could have for these men). But instead, the essence of your life - what you know it as today.

Living your dream takes risk . . . a risk that very few people are willing to take. You must be willing to do what it takes and be willing to give up who you are today for who you want to become.

These men signed a document with each other to show their commitment to their vision. They were willing to give up everything they had to create what they believed could be possible.

The amazing thing is that when you commit and take action, you can do anything . . . even give birth to a new Nation.

When I work with a new client. The first thing I have them do is to figure out what they want to create . . . and then I ask them if they are willing to commit to it.

I ask them if they are willing to give up their life as it is now (without their dream) so they can have the one that is their dream.

I ask them if they are willing to commit to their Vision.

As you go about your day today . . . think about that. Think about what this day means. It's not just the birthday of our nation. It's the day people committed to what I consider to be the most powerful vision ever conceived by man - the VISION of Independence and Freedom - the VISION of Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Powerful Quotes

Below are a few select quotes from our Founding Fathers. Sure, the words are over 200 years old. But don't kid yourself, the meaning is just as strong and powerful today as it was the moment they were uttered.

And to be honest with you, I think we could all benefit from reading the words of our Founding Fathers on occasion.

“Do you want to know who you are? Don't ask. Act! Action will delineate and define you.”
Thomas Jefferson

“He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else”
Ben Franklin

“If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.”

John Quincy Adams

“The greatest ability in business is to get along with others and to influence their actions.”
John Hancock

Take The Energy Of Your Fears And Turn Them Into Action

2009-07-03T12:00:00.000-04:00

Questions To Ponder

If you own your own business, or are thinking about starting your own business, let me ask you a couple questions:

Are you afraid of failing?

Are you afraid of being on your own - not having a boss to report to or someone telling you what to do and when?

Are you afraid you are losing yourself to your business, or that if you start a business, it will consume you?

Are you afraid that you and your ideas for a business don't have what it takes to cut it in today's market?

If you answer NO to all of these questions, then you are either doing phenomenal with your new business, lying to yourself, or just completely insane (ok, maybe just mildly loony).

We're All Afraid Of Something

The reality is that we all feel things feelings at one time or another. It's natural, because no matter how successful you were in your "past life", entrepreneurship is unlike anything you have ever done before.

Where do these fears come from? What are they trying to tell you?

Believe it or not, your fears are valid. They are your subconscious mind looking at what your are trying to do, or are thinking about doing, and screaming to you that there is something missing. It is trying to make sure that you are do all the work necessary to remedy these problems, rather than falling prey to them. It is trying to protect you.

So rather than cowering down in fear from the things that have you worried, instead attack the things you are most afraid of head on and knock down the barriers that your subconscious is putting up for you.

An Example Of How To Overcome Your Fears

Sometimes, it's easy to understand this concept if you can see it / read about how someone else is leveraging the ideas for their own benefit.

For example, I have a client who has owned his own business for over 30 years. But for most of that time he was the only one in the business - leaving him to do all the work, all the sales, all the finances and everything else in between.

Some time ago, my client expanded his business and hired employees to help him out. You have no idea how big of a leap this was for him. But unfortunately, he never stopped doing everything - mostly because he's too afraid to stop.

He's too afraid that if he does stop, he will lose control of the business and eventually lose it all.

That fear manifests itself as obstacles to growth - obstacles that prevent him from moving forward and keeping him working on everything instead of enjoying the fruits of his labor.

So, what should he do about it?

As simple as it sounds, he should and is currently knocking down the obstacles that are generated out of fear and holding him back. He's knocking them down, one by one, until there are no more left. He's using the energy of the fear to remove the elements that generate the fear in the first place.

What he will find is that when all the obstacles are removed and the fears are diminished, his business will actually running without him exactly as if he were doing all the work himself (the thing he is most afraid of). Running not like the small business that he sees himself owning right now, but as a medium-sized business with systems and processes that are independent of him and his labor.

He will have leveraged the fear that has been holding him back and using it to create what he wants instead letting it destroy his dreams.

So, here's the most important questions if you are an entrepreneur or want to be one:

What are you most afraid of?

And . . .

What can you do . . . right now (or in the next couple days / weeks) to whittle away at the obstacles that are generating that fear and preventing you from moving forward?

Keep Flying The Airplane First!

2009-07-02T12:00:00.008-04:00

When I was learning to fly, one of my instructors told me that most pilots get themselves in trouble, not because they don't know their procedures, but because they respond too quickly without knowing the whole situation, or simply jumping to conclusions. He taught me that when an emergency happens, one of the best things you could do was just to "keep flying the airplane first" (do whatever you are currently doing) until you thought about and understand all that you can about the emergency.

The reason he would say this, is because in the heat of the moment, most people tend to react without thinking. They tend to move switches, turn dials, or pull circuit breakers, trying to solve the problem as fast as they can. Sometimes, this is the right action, but most times, it isn't.

Most times we aggravate situations by responding quickly and emotionally and make things even worse than they already were.

That's because the initial reaction to unplanned stimulus is usually emotional - and rarely thought through. It's simply an emotionally driven reaction.

What my instructor all those years taught me is to "keep flying the airplane first." It sounds obvious, but many pilots forget to do exactly this - fly the airplane. Don't move any switches or react to conditions until you have all the inputs and actually can think about it clearly. The act of flying keeps you grounded in what is important and keeps you on track. By consciously focusing on "flying first", I could change my thought process from reactive to proactive - from simply accepting consequences as they play out before me to thinking through the consequences and choosing the ones that I want.

The great thing is that this is a great business and life lesson as well. No matter what the circumstances are, you get to control your response. Whether it is declining sales in the recession, finding out a trusted employee is leaving you, getting an angry complaint from a customer, or your spouse picking a fight with you over something you did or didn't do yesterday, it doesn't matter. You control the situation, because you have control of your response.

Keep flying your plane, and give yourself time to think!

By continuing to "fly your plane", you ease your emotions and take the edge off of things. Even if its a "silent count to five" in your head, before you respond, you are more likely going to respond with a clearer mind, and less emotionally.

Bottom line and lesson learned from my experiences flying is:

Don't respond instantly and emotionally, every time a crisis comes up. Take your time to respond, its how you take back control of a situation that often times feels completely out of control.

Dealing With Unintended Consequences

2009-07-01T00:50:00.000-04:00

Are you ready for the Unintended Consequences that come from you actions?

Every choice we make has intended consequences, but it also has unintended consequences as well. Sometimes those unintended consequences can be good . . . but usually they are not.

You may decide to stop eating lunch to save some calories for our new diet. But by not eating for a couple hours, our body slows down its metabolism and actually ends up causing you to gain weight.

You may send your kids to daycare five days a week so that you can make money and have a big house. But by playing with a lot of kids every day and getting as much attention as they want from daycare provider all week, don't be surprised if your child doesn't have the skills to play independently, when you would like them to. And they end up being ornery and in need of constant attention from YOU.

You may take your ad out of the Yellow Pages to save on monthly expenses. But don't be surprised when your profits go down instead of up, because of a dramatic drop in sales.

You may drive faster to get to work, because we don't want to be late. But don't be surprised when you get pulled over by a Police Officer, get a ticket for $200+ and end up geting to work later than if you had just driven the speed limit in the first place.

The fact is . . . the things you choose to do and not to do have consequences. The more you look at those consequences honestly and objectively, the more likely you will learn from them and reduce the likelihood of getting caught by them a second time.

Going back to the speeding to work example. If all you do is blame the cop for being "a jerk" and giving you the ticket and NOT taking responsibility for your own actions, then you will most likely not learn from it.

You will consider the "unintended consequences" just bad luck . . . and you will hope and pray that things will be different NEXT TIME.

But let me tell you . . . in spite of everything the churches tell you, Hope and Prayer are not methods. They are the absence of method and plan.

People who are successful in life, who create their own destinies, have just as many "unintended consequences from their actions" as you and I do. But the thing that separates success from continued failure is learning from mistakes - learning what the unintended consequences are to your actions (inactions) and taking steps to either correct for them or choosing different actions altogether.

This nice thing about unintended consequences is that we don't have to learn them the hard way on our own. We can learn from others. But that means actually accepting that as unique as our situations are, our problems are quite common.

Publish Post

So let me ask YOU, as a reader, what was an unintended consequence that you came to face that you would like others to learn from?

A Modern Children's Classic Movie Provides Insights Into Life

2009-06-29T13:00:00.000-04:00

"When you need me, but do not want me, then I must stay.
When you want me, but no longer need me, then I have to go."

Nanny McPhee

Who would have thought that I would be quoting Emma Thompson's lead character from the 2005 movie, Nanny McPhee - where a ghastly Nanny turns a wild group of motherless children into a respectful, loving family.

Wonders never cease. And inspiration comes from the most unlikely sources.

But the truth be known, this is the essence of coaching, a mentoring, teaching and even parenting. You see, in my opinion, these professionals (including parents) should only be there for you, when you need them but maybe not really want them. And in essence should move on (or make you move on), when you want them, but no longer need them.

People often ask me the difference between a coach and a consultant. And aforementioned quote sums it up as good as any definition I've ever heard. But, let me expand just a bit.

The difference is that the coach provides you tools, teaches you skills and empowers you to move forward with your business and your life . . . eventually without them. Whereas the consultant only provides answers to your current problems - building a long-term dependency relationship to provide answers each and every time you have a problem (often even creating problems intentionally).

The consultant is about answers to short term problems. Not always the right answers . . . but answers nonetheless.

The coach is about questions. Questions that make you think not only about the short term problems but also your long term desires. Questions that help YOU find the right answers for your problems - not a standardized answer to other people's problems.

So rather than looking at your wants . . . because I can honestly tell you that very few people "want" a coach. The question should be,

Can I do this on my own?

Can I overcome the hurdles that I have put before myself without outside help?

What makes me think that I will be able to succeed in accomplishing what I want on my own, when I havent been able to do so in the past?

Do I need a coach, a mentor, a teacher, or someone to work with me (what ever you want to call it), even though I really don't want one?

These are very difficult questions. They are questions that most people refuse to honestly answer to themselves, mostly because of the fear - fear of what the answers might mean.

Stop spending all of your time figuring out what you WANT to do each and every day for your business or for your happiness - most businesses fail because their owners did what they WANTED to do. Instead, find out what you NEED to do to make your business a success . . . and find a way to do it, even though you may not want to.

To Change Your Business Simply Change The Way You Pay Yourself

2009-06-28T12:00:00.002-04:00

One of the biggest mistakes small business owners make is they think that since now they have their own business, all they have to do is "the work that they love". And because they are usually very good it (not by their own admission, but by all of the people that know of their work), they think their business will grow and thrive like no other.

Oooh, I'm sorry to say, NOTHING could be further from the truth. Running a business is much more than that.

And there are two types of business owners . . .

Those that know this to be true.

And those that will soon find out.

You see, when you own a business, you no longer get paid to do what you love to do . . . Instead you actually get paid for selling your business and your products to your potential customers.

As an Entrepreneur, getting to do the work you love to do
is actually the reward for generating sales.

Not the other way around!

Sounds crazy, I know. But understanding this point could be the difference between success and failure of your business.

You see, we're all human and we will naturally do more of what we get rewarded for (or what we think we are getting rewarded for). So if you think you are being rewarded for delivering your product and not for the sale, then you will always want to do more of the fun work (what you love to do) and less of the difficult labor of sales and marketing (what you dislike the most and usually know the least about as a small business owner).

As an Entrepreneur, your NUMBER ONE job just is actually getting customers to choose you . . . not producing the product. You can only if and only if new customers choose you. And the problem is thinking about your business any other way is actually detrimental to the long term success of your business.

How do you change this mindset?

Believe it or not . . . it's simple. Start paying yourself to produce customers instead of producing product. Don't compensate based on production, compensate based on marketing and sales.

Build systems and a culture into your business that is based upon this model - it will carry over to your employees and serve you well for years to come - as you grow your business bigger and bigger.

Does it change what you get paid? Probably not. But making small changes in attitude and language can make all the difference - knowing (in your heart) that you earned the money from the sale, will drive you to make more sales. And hence grow your business.

Bottom line is that if you want to grow your business, you have to stop thinking like an employees and start thinking like an Entrepreneur. And Entrepreneurs making money selling, not producing. So rather than paying yourself to produce the product you have always produced, start paying yourself for generating new business.

Leveraging The Talents of Moms (Part IV)

2009-06-27T16:37:00.004-04:00

The past three days, I have walked you though different elements including: How Moms are An Untapped Marketing Resource, How the relationship can be a Win / Win for All Concerned, and how it is important to understand the uniqueness of being a Mom and that it's important to help them with A Balancing Act / Releasing the Guilt.

The final blog of this four part series, Leveraging The Talents of Moms, is about Flexibility and Support - what can be done to help Moms get themselves out into the workplace and what employers can do to help them become the best employees they can be.

So, to wrap up this series and blend all the ideas together, it is important to understand and apply the most important concept of all - Moms need flexibility and support.

For Business Owners:

As I have spoken about in the past couple days, life as a Mom is complicated - more so than the average "non-Mom". Rather than just caring for themselves, Moms are always caring and nurturing others - at a minimum, they are caring for their child(ren) and often their husband.

They give and give, and quite often get little in return.

Let's face it, as I spoke about in part three, you, as a business owner / employer play second fiddle to Mom's first priority - her kids. But that doesn't mean that she can't give you as much if not more than anyone else. In fact, I have found it is exactly her commitment to her children that makes her such a wonderful asset to any business.

However, there is a cost. That cost is that you should build into your business model flexibility and support for the Moms on your staff - and the returns you gather from it will be amazing.

What does this mean:

- Plan ahead - This applies with just about any employee, but more so with Moms. Their life is very hectic and time is limited. In fact, I haven't met a Mom yet that wouldn't love to slow down the earth's rotation enough to get them 2 more hours every day. This means that the more time you can give them when there are changes to their schedule or you need more time from them, the better. It's not to say they can't or won't support you, its just that while you and I might be able to stay late to finish a very important project, Moms have someone that needs to be picked up or attended to. It's just not that easy to flex.

- Give them the ability to work from home - If you can manage it, giving a Mom time to work from home, can be the greatest gift you can give them. Even, if they might still need to get a babysitter, just knowing they are close to their children, gives them a strong feeling of strength and power. And that gives them focus to perform at a whole other level for you.

- Be understanding when they can't get in - Let's face it, kids get sick far more often than adults - and 99% of the time, the person who is going to stay home with their kids is Dr. Mom. This goes back to the statement above - give them the ability to work from home, empower them and they will surprise you with their commitment. It's not every employer that is so understanding of their situation - they will do everything they can to make it work and not blow your trust.

- Sit down with them at least bi-weekly to discuss how things are working - This isn't just something you should do with your Moms on staff - but with all your employees. It's just good management. Get to know the situation and work together to solve issues that are preventing them. A lesson I learned a long time ago, as a Ensign in the Navy, is that a manager's job is to remove the barriers preventing their employees from being able to do their best work. No where does this hold true more so than with Moms in the workplace. But as I've said before, the pay off is amazing.

For Moms:

Having tools or systems that help you balance your life is key. In fact, it's key to anything in life - finding ways to remain able to consistently deliver, even in the face of adversity and / or "unexpected" situations - which is daily in the life of all the Moms I know.

Sure, when the kids wake up on time, get dressed, eat and make the bus on time, everything is grand. But how often do things go "as planned" with kids involved. Someone always has a belly ache, has peanut butter in their hair, needs their diaper changed, or is just crying, just when you are on your last nerve. It's Murphy's Law. And you KNOW you can count on it.

So, what can you do? How do you live your life spontaneously (as so many of us love to do), but still make sure that you are able to deliver on promises - the essence of both being a Mom, a Wife, an Employee, a Business Owner, and a Woman?

You stop trying to live your life trying to manage the time in your days. Instead you need to start managing your life around your priorities, day-to-day, week-to-week, and month-to-month, etc. And that starts with first understanding and writing down the priorities in your life - what matters to you today and where you want to be 1 yr, 5 yrs, 10 yrs and for the rest of your life.

Call it a Personal Vision, a Vision Board, a Mission Statement, I don't care. In truth it doesn't matter what you call it - so long as you have one.

Once you have a Vision to guide you, it's time to figure out goals to support that vision. Goals that will drive your actions each and every day, instead of just running from crisis to crisis.

Your goals need to be built with the realization that it isn't HUGE short term goals that make a difference in your life - as much as we want it to be. But instead, it's long term, lifestyle goals that enable and encourage you to take small steps, every day to create lasting change in your life.

Too often, Moms (as well as everyone else out there) take on way TOO much when they try to change their lives - or get back the ones they use to have. Summer is coming up, and they want to get back into a bikini to sit by the pool. Their two year is learning to potty train - and they see a great window of opportunity. And they decide to take on a part time job in the afternoon for a friend to help their store.

So they change their diet, begin the arduous process of potty training a toddler and go back to work all at the same time - all while still being a stay-at-home Mom, managing the household and trying to be a good wife.

Something has got to give, and if you don't think about it ahead of time, it won't be want you want it to be. It will most likely be everything at once.

Ughhhh!

It's not that you can't do all these things, its just that you can't do them all EVERY DAY. You have to plan out change if you really want it to hold. And if you really want the change to be permanent, the key isn't doing it all at once, but instead working into one step at a time - making sure that each step you take is one step forward, and not two steps back.

This isn't easy - because if you don't stay grounded, you WILL try to run forward as fast as you can at some point - putting short term wants ahead of long term goals. It takes patience and consistency. It takes daily commitment to the long term and integrity. But, in my opinion what it takes more than anything is someone, an outside objective observer, who is committed to your goals and your system, even when you feel like giving up. It takes an accountability partner who will how you to your word and keep you moving forward, even when you don't feel like you can anymore.

It doesn't matter who you find, but find someone that you can talk to every day . . . that won't judge you. Won't get emotional about your situation. Won't let you make excuses. But . . . will stand beside you and help you, when you need it most and do so because he / she is committed to you and your goals as much if not more than you are.

Find yourself a coach / mentor / guide that no matter what . . . will be there every day, keeping you on track and moving forward.

Bottom line, for both employers and Moms, there is a symbiotic relationship that can exist here - one that will benefit EVERYONE. It can be a relationship that can and will make a difference in both of your lives as well as the business. But it takes flexibility and support - and real commitment. And you either need to find a way to support each other, working dynamically to work towards and achieve both of your goals, or find someone who can help you both do just that.

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If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at coach.jj@impossiblefutures.com.

Leveraging The Talents Of Moms (Part III)

2009-06-26T12:00:00.003-04:00

The last two days, on this site, I've introduced you to Leveraging the Talents of Moms with parts I and II, An Untapped Marketing Resource and Win-Win for All Concerned, respectively.

Today, it's time to talk about A Balancing Act / Releasing the Guilt - Managing home responsibilities with commitments to business.

Understanding how to leverage the talents of Moms requires a keen understanding of Moms - (ladies feel free to chime in on this one - remember, I am a guy, so I don't want to go too far here with out your approval - or you correcting me).

*** Note: I say understanding of Moms, not women. There is a difference - there is a change that takes place - whether it is physiological, psychological or both doesn't matter - it's important that neither men or (non-Mom) women really understand.

Truth is, up until the day women become pregnant, they are much more like men - but when that day arrives, when the "rabbit dies" (as the saying goes), everything in their life changes. And those changes aren't for nine months, ten years, or even eighteen years - becoming a Mom is a permanent life changing experience. Sure, we Dads are changed as well, when we have a kid - but don't kid yourself Men, we can't hold a candle to the ladies on this one.

Before pregnancy, we are all "mostly" self-centered. Sure, we might love others, and give a lot of ourselves to our spouses and other relatives - but on the whole, that "giving" is nothing like becoming a Mom.

Why this is important to understand is that Mom's have a tough struggle - trying to figure out how to give all they want to give to their children (and their spouses), while still having an identity and even a professional life. It's a balancing act, trying to find an equilibrium between their own needs and the needs of the family they love so dearly.

For Business Owners:

So if you, as a business owner, want to leverage the talents of Moms, you need to understand this balancing act - understand that there is still amazing talent that is within the heart and soul of Moms, its just that their NUMBER ONE COMMITMENT will always be to their children - its instinctual. It is going to happen. You are going to come up number two (at best) in their mind - overall.

The reason I bring up this "balancing act" and commitment to children, is because you can't win this battle - you can not change the way a Mom thinks. When the kids get the sniffles, she is going to stay home. When snow falls and the kids stay home from school, most of the time, its Mom that is going to stay home - not Dad. Get over it and stop resisting it.

So when the Eight Week point comes after the baby is born, and maternity leave is over, understand that the employee you are getting back in not the same one that left. If you didn't see the change before she left, you are definitely see one now. The key is learning what to do and how to work with it, instead of against it. Because believe it or not, even though you have dropped a peg or two in the priority level in her mind, as long as you respect and understand her new "situation", her dedication to you overall has most likely gone up immensely.

The root key to it all is helping them satisfy their number one commitment as easily and smoothly as possible, so that they have more time and energy for you when they are working for you.

If you want to understand how best to not just make the best of this situation, but actually turn it into a windfall for you, check out tomorrow's Blog, Flexibility and Support - The key to working with Moms is understanding their situation and working with them / not against them - No short-term Deadlines.

For Moms:

Ladies, this balancing act is real - or should I call it a juggling act. You have gone from trying to juggling three (plus) balls - your personal needs, your professional needs, and the needs of your spouse - to juggling six or more (yeah, I think caring for a child is a three ball juggling act all by itself). Throw in a second baby, and YEOW, we're talking ready for Ringling Brothers.

So what are you to do? How do you juggle six balls (or more) with only two hands.

Well to be honest, you don't. Sounds crazy . . . I know. But the answer is that simple.

You see, most Moms try to juggle six or more balls at once and usually end up dropping at least one or two every cycle. Who suffers, usually YOU first, hubby second, and then work third.

So rather than juggling six at once, put two on the floor gently or hand them to someone else for a short period and then juggle four.

How do you do this, without pissing off the two balls laying on the floor? Well, you rotate the two balls on the floor. Yep. You commit yourself to juggling what you can, right now, successfully, and let the other two just stand-by, until you are ready for them. Until you can successfully put one or two of the others balls down and pick them up.

Ok, now that I have completely confused you, let me drop the juggling idea and jump right into reality.

You are NOT going to have time to give to yourself, your husband, your job and your child(ren) everyday. Something has to give. Or you will burn yourself out and lose one or all of them along the way. So rather than trying to being everything to everyone EVERY DAY, plan time to be everything to each one, at specific times during the week.

If you are a stay-at-home Mom, that might mean that work only gets your attention 2-3 days a week (when you can give it your full attention), but on those days your Husband doesn't get much more than a hug and kiss in the morning and evening. Then maybe your own growth gets one day's worth of full attention. And you set up special time for your husband on the other days - when you can be with him completely.

The key here is to stop trying to give a little bit all the time to everyone, and start giving your best to each of them periodically, based on priority in your life.

The reason this idea works, is that it helps you release the guilt of not giving completely to things that matter. Each moment you spend with someone or doing something important, you give yourself to them / it completely - whether its your job, your husband, your kids, or even YOU.

You can give yourself without guilt of who is getting left out, because you know you have given to them completely - and you will again. One of my clients recently shared with me how this idea works for her:

The reason I love this process so much is because it helps you to BALANCE your life so that you are doing what matters to you in your family life and other relationships as well as accomplishing your business goals at the same time. On those days where I am doing more in one area, I know that I can balance it out the next day and not feel guilty.

Bottom line is you have to find balance - stop trying to be everything to everyone, every day. Give yourself completely and "guiltlessly" one at a time to the things that matter most to you and you will find yourself happier and 10x more productive than you ever thought possible.

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If you are a small business owner and / or a Mom that wants to understand how best to maintain Balance and release the guilt that so often stifles growth, please feel free to contact me, at coach.jj@impossiblefutures.com.

Leveraging The Talents Of Moms (Part II)

2009-06-25T12:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, in Part I of this 4 Part Blog about Leveraging the Power of Moms, I spoke about the untapped "network" marketing resource that Moms are - especially for small businesses. I went into the basics of how Moms can be incredible Networking sources for businesses they patronize (as a small business owner) and how Moms can leverage what they already do . . . every day . . . to generate income and help their friends and family.

Sounds like a win-win for all concerned, which is the great transition to today's topic.

Win-Win For All Concerned - the talent pool is very deep and there is a desire to be a part of something bigger than themselves.

How many stay-at-home Moms do you know?

How many Moms do you know want to stay-at-home, but don't know how to do it financially?

How many of those Moms have more talent and capacity to help others (whether it be businesses, friends or families) than they are currently able to realize - let alone be compensated for?

In case you are wondering, as of 2007, there were an estimated 5.6 Million Stay-At-Home Moms in the US and over 11.4 Million Single Moms who almost always are looking for ways to be better Moms while supporting their children.

So how can this work out for both Moms and the business community? How can this be a Win-Win for businesses and Moms where everyone is getting what they need?

Well to be honest, it starts with understanding each others needs and desires and being creative in trying to make those .

What Do Today's Businesses Need?

More than anything, today's businesses need employees that are committed to their vision - willing to give of themselves to the business as the owner does.

But they need more as well. They need expertise in areas outside of their own - outside the technical aspects of their business.

They need organizational help - putting everything in its place and making sure there is a place for everything in the business.

They need administrative help - handling paper work, taking care of administrative tasks that they just aren't good at.

They need help with dealing with customers - trusting people who understand their customers and will treat them the way the owner wants them to be treated.

They need marketing / network help - finding new customers and getting them to walk through the doors or call on phone (which was the topic in Part I).

And in most cases, small business owners can not afford to hire someone full time to do any of this work - so the work doesn't get done . . . and they stagnate in the ability to grow their business.

What do Mom's Need?

More than anything, most Mom's need to find a way to continue to grow and contribute outside of their children - contribute to their family financially, the community, to something bigger than themselves, and to have a feeling of independence (even within the context of a very loving relationship).

It's not a matter of not wanting to be there for their kids (that's why they choose the life they choose) - it's a matter of maintaining a connection with the outside in such a way as to both keep their finger on the pulse of adult life and nurture other elements of their needs - that our culture has nurtured in their psyche.

Some Of Strongest Long Term Bonds Between Boss And Employee Start This Way

It's amazing when I look back at my life and the relationships that I have seen grow between Moms who started part-time with an employer to help out and where they have gone.

A Stay-At-Home Mom, friend of the family, with gifted administrative skills who came in 3 days a week for a couple hours a day to help my Dad in the Mortgage Business he was running - that was 25 years ago. My Father has retired, but she is the right hand of my brother who stepped in to his shoes.

A Stay-At-Home Mom, with natural sales gifts, offers to help a friend sell his product and goes on to become a partner in the business. That business was just a small business when the two teamed up with sales less than $100,000 annually. Now the business is booming with over 50 employees, and sales estimated this year of $15 Million.

A Single Mom, in order to make a little extra money on the weekends starts doing accounting work for her accountant. Takes the money she earned with the part support to put her son through college and pay off her home 10 years early - giving her financial independence and strength to start her own Accounting Business.

All It Takes Is Asking Questions And Listening

Whether you are a small business owner or a Mom, there are no magic tricks here. What it takes is knowing who you are, what you are need and are willing to provide to fulfill those needs, and understanding the needs of those around you.

In each case, the relationships I described above started when two people stopped long enough to become more than just casual friends and listen to each other and understand their needs. Because you will be amazed at how much can be gained by understanding others - and reaching out to serve them as well as allowing them to serve you.

A List Of Web Pages To Check Out

Finally, to close out this part, whether you are a Business Person or a Mom, check out the following web pages to find out how to take advantage of these ideas and create a Win-Win that will change the lives of all involved

Work At Home Moms

Mom's Network

MomAdvice.com

Mom's Club

Leveraging The Talents Of Moms (Part I)

2009-06-24T12:00:00.002-04:00

Nearly 70% of my clients are Moms - and most of those Moms are "Stay-at-home Moms".

The fact of the matter is Moms, specifically Stay-At-Home Moms, are one of the most undervalued, underutilized, untapped resources in our society. They work extremely hard each and every day running their mini-corporations, called families. But as I have found in my practice, they want more - they want to be produce more, interact with others, use their god-given talents and find a way to contribute to the marketplace and their needs at home.

Many of these Moms are HIGHLY motivated. Most have either a formal education or loads of business / life experience. And all of them know how to juggle more balls successfully than most of their counterparts in the marketplace.

The problem is their number one commitment is to their family - to their kids. And quite honestly, most businesses haven't learned how to tap into this resource without creating havoc in their business model. Sadly, I believe, this happens because most businesses (even women owned business) are more worried about filling seats in offices than actually producing quality.

Over the course of the next four days, I will be posting a series of articles on how businesses (small and large) can leverage the capability of Moms and how Moms can enhance their lives with additional income doing what they are already doing each and every day of their lives.

These topics include:

- An Untapped Marketing Resource - Moms, a networking machine.
- Win / Win for All Concerned - The talent pool is very deep and there is a desire to be a part of something bigger than themselves.
- A Balancing Act / Releasing the Guilt - Managing home responsibilities with commitments to business.
- Flexibility and Support - The key to working with Moms is understanding their situation and working with them / not against them - No short-term Deadlines.

An Untapped Marketing Resource

For Business Owners:

Throughout history, one of the most important assets in any business's tool box is their ability to network. Who you know. How well you know them. How well they know you. And who your friends know have all been the important concepts businesses must be able to leverage to grow effectively and penetrate any new market.

So have you spoken to a Mom lately?

Do you have any idea how big and influential their network is?

Whether it is your wife, your Mom, your sister-in-law, or your neighbor, they are an absolute networking machine. Between "play dates", school, preschool, Baseball, Softball, Boy and Girl Scouts, music lessons, the YMCA, local stores, and now with the introduction of social media tools like Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and LinkedIn, the Moms around you know more people . . . WELL, than you could dream of meeting in the next year. And this doesn't even account for the fact that Mom's have a natural elixir for building new with others - their kids.

Not to mention that the people that Moms know are other Moms - the real financial decision maker in most households.

If you are NOT tapping into the resources of the Moms in your life, finding ways to leverage their natural networking gifts then you are missing out on business opportunities beyond your wildest dreams. All you have to do is recruit these women and reward them for the work they are already doing - networking. Take advantage of what they know and who they know to build your business and reward them as they support you.

For Moms:

Stop thinking that you don't have value. As I just pointed out, the network you have has more value than you can imagine. People, including those that you know, are always looking for businesses that they can trust and that will take care of them.

Think about it . . . aren't you looking for the same?

And when it comes right down to it, who would you rather get a recommendation from . . . a friend of yours or some celebrity on a TV ad?

As a Mom, you have a unique opportunity to help businesses (particularly small businesses) grow and prosper simply by doing what you are doing every day. You know your neighborhood better than anyone else. You know the problems and struggles that every Mom is facing - whether she is a stay-at-home Mom or fully employed at an office. You know the services they need and the problems that can arise when those services aren't fulfilled properly. Leverage your gifts and turn them into income. Approach the businesses that seem to understand your struggles and work out a deal to generate strong leads for them - not as a sales rep, but as an affiliate.

Most small businesses are struggling right now with getting new customers to walk through their doors. If you can make that happen for them, by being an advocate, by being a cheerleader for them, you can earn some great money . . . simply by being you.

On the average, most businesses spend anywhere between 5-10% of their sales on marketing. If you are generating leads for them, you should be able to get at least that much for your efforts.

But don't stop at who you know today, build your network and grow it even stronger. Expand it - grow it - increase your influence by engaging with more and more people in your marketplace.

Some recommendations for growing your network include:

- Join clubs with your children
- Meet other parents at sporting events - talk to them, find what you have in common.
- Get involved at school
- Join the social networking sites - Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, LinkedIn
- Get in touch with old friends
- When picking up your kids at preschool or school, get there a couple minutes early and commit to meeting one new person every day - make them a friend. You don't have to be a close friend, but one that listens and understands their life.

Bottom line is that networking, the skill you most Moms take for granted, because it comes so natural with their lifestyle, is an amazing asset that can be leveraged for the benefit of all involved: small businesses, Mom, and all of the people that Mom knows.

Whether you are a small business owner of a Stay-At-Home Mom, you have an opportunity to help a lot of people - including yourself. Don't let that opportunity go un-rewarded.

How Much Is A New Customer Worth To You?

2009-06-23T12:00:00.000-04:00

How much is a new customer worth to you?

Unfortunately, most businesses really don't know the answer to that question. And when asked, most owners will tell you what their average sale is - or how much they charge for their product or service. They rarely see the lifetime value of a customer.

Or asked another way, how much would you pay to get a new customer to walk through your doors, hit your website, or call you on the phone?

Sadly, in most cases, the answer to this question is a small percentage of a single sale / contract - usually only pennies on the dollar.

But is that all a customer is worth . . . how much he spent last time he patronized your business (or how much he will spend next time he patronizes it)?

Absolutely not!!! The true value of a customer is how much he or she will spend through the course of their lifetime - that is . . . when you manage to turn them from a one time customer into a lifelong client.

For example, to a brand new coffee shop, an average customer might spend $3.00 on their first visit. But if you can show real value to them and get them to love the experience of your coffee shop, that one time purchase goes from being $3.00 one time to $3.00 every day - generating upwards of $1000 / yr.

So, if the coffee shop owner only thought of the $3.00 sale, he might hesitate to give a perspective customer a $1.00 off coupon to try his product. But if that same owner knew his product was so good and the experience of his shop was so wonderful, the customer was sure to come back again and again, and that customer would spend $1000 in his shop this year alone, I bet he'd be willing to not only give them a free drink, but also buy them breakfast with it.

That's not to mention the fact that this new customer will most likely tell all of his friends and family about the new, fantastic cup of Iced Coffee he had and tell them they've got to try it. He'd tell them, "Not only is the first drink on the house, but you get a free breakfast with it."

Lifetime Customer Value is a Universal Concept

This concept doesn't just apply to coffee shop sales or other retail stores - this idea applies to every business, in every industry - no matter the price point of the product. If you look at your customer as only a one time purchase, that's how you will treat them - and you will have to work to get them to come back each and every time they decide they need your product. But if you build your business around building clients (regular returning customers) and respect / honor them for the amount of income they will generate for you over the course of their lifetime, you will rewarded with patronage, testimonials and referrals beyond your wildest dreams.

Figuring Out Your Lifetime Customer Value

To figure out what your "Lifetime Customer Value" is actually quite simple if you have the right stats. It's nothing more than the total sales you have generated over your history in business divided by the total number of unique customers served.

If you don't have those figures, it's a bit tougher and is simply a wish.

For example, going back to the example above with the coffee shop, we could probably make the assumption that an average customer will patronize a coffee shop regularly four times a week, 50 weeks a year and do so for 10 years. If the average sale price during that time is $3.00 that would be $6000 per customer. However, you might also recognize that for every one customer that likes your business, there are 3 how try it and decide they like Starbucks bitter coffee flavor better. So in that case your average Lifetime Customer Value would only be $1500.

In either case, whether you are tracking unique patrons and total sales before now, I would begin right away. It's important because you want to be able to know what a customer is worth and how much you are willing to give them to get them to try your product or service.

And so I close by asking you again. . . How much is a customer worth to you?

Another Life Lesson I Learned From My Children

2009-06-22T09:00:00.000-04:00

Life happens.
Embrace it.
Enjoy it for all that it gives you each day.
Learn from your past - don't dwell on it.
Live today as you are - as if there will be no tomorrow.
And for tomorrow, do your best to take one small step closer
To being the YOU that you dream of becoming.

It is truly amazing how life happens - even when we do our best to try to control it. We set goals and define our vision for the future - but what we sometimes forget is that LIFE is what happens as go about trying to fulfill our goals and our vision.

Too often, we take that message as a sign that we shouldn't try to define our future. Nothing could be further from the truth.

We must know what we want to become, and then start being that person today.

Funny how I was reminded how to live life once again, by my two children. They look at things so simply. It's amazing to me, how we so often overlook their ageless wisdom. Too often, we think we get wiser as we get older. But in my ways, as we mature and become institutionalized by society, we bury the wisdom that is naturally within us - part of our genetic code. We forget that life is a gift and meant to be lived every day.

This past weekend was an amazing weekend for me - it is always good to connect with what matters most and have your vision appear in the eyes of our children - reflected back upon you.

One of the most important things to me is that my two children, Garret and Turner, feel that I am there for them (often a tough thing being a part-time Dad, who lives halfway across the country). I really do my best, but sometimes forget that in order to become that man, I must be that man today.

This weekend I was reminded to live my vision TODAY, not wait for someday. I can want something very wonderful, but if I don't live it today - it won't come true. I learned that life is what happens while I am there with them: holding their hands walking in town or hiking in the woods, helping them with their homework, having a catch with a baseball, or helping them build mock shelters in their back yard.

Summer is upon us. With the warmth and beautiful weather, it is a wonderful season to look at your life and what you want. The time to begin removing the excuses that limit you from living the way you want to live. And just start doing!!!

So do something different today. Find one small thing that is preventing you from being who you want to be - and eliminate that excuse - what ever it is. And live one step closer to who you have always dreamed of becoming . . . TODAY.

Marketing, Sales, Operations or Customer Service? What Is Your Weakest Link?

2009-06-19T12:00:00.000-04:00

Marketing's job is getting customers to walk in the door.

Sales' job is getting them to buy once they walk in.

Operations delivers on the promise that the sales person made - the product or service that the business provides.

And finally, Customer Service is making sure they are satisfied with what they were sold.

Those are the four main functions of delivering a product to your customers. Unfortunately, most small businesses are good at one, maybe two of them, but very few are good at all four. Because if they were, they probably wouldn't be small anymore.

I've heard it said that anyone can get someone to buy something once - often times they will do it out of curiosity. But getting them to come back again and again - to become a lifetime customer - takes a real business person. And of course, it takes "systems".

As you build a new business or grow an existing business, recognize that it doesn't matter how good any one of the processes that I spoke about earlier. Think of the four systems as "the chain of business". You are only as strong as your weakest link. How strong the strongest link in the chain is doesn't matter, the chain will always break at the weakest link.

Sadly, most small business owners usually do the exact opposite - they tend to be really strong in operations - building the product / creating the service that is their business - and they work to make the product better - instead of working on strengthening the other three aspects of their business.

Sure, you can have a great product or service - most people who have a small business do. But if you can't appeal to your target market (or don't know how to) or you can't sell your product (close the deal), or you can't ensure the customer is satisfied once the product is delivered, then it doesn't matter. You might get an occasional sale, but nothing to grow a business own.

Like life, your business needs balance. You need to nurture each segment of the business cycle, Marketing, Sales, Operations, and Customer Service. And you need to make sure that each element is as strong as you need them to be to ensure your customers experience what you INTEND them to experience when they patronize your business.

This takes diligence and commitment. So, as you begin to set out your goals for the next month or even 6 months to a year, make sure that you are committing to not only developing your product and service, but also to how you are going to market it, sell it, and satisfy the customers who purchase it.

Motivate Yourself And Your Employees

2009-06-17T13:00:00.000-04:00

Some people work with pride and integrity simply because they believe in what they are doing, believe in the vision of the company and love that they GET to do it every day.

While others work only for the pay they receive with the attitude that they HAVE to do it - often with hate for the company they work for dislike for the team they a part of.

Which are you?

And more importantly, which is the best description for the people that work for you?

Attitude is everything. I don't care what you do for a living, if you enjoy what you do, and look forward to doing it everyday - it will show. You will work harder and be more productive than those who don't care.

And believe it or not, attitude towards our jobs, whether you are flipping burgers for local fast food restaurant, piloting 747s for a major airline, or CEO of a Fortune 100 Business, can be predicted, relatively accurately, based on how people respond to a few specific questions. These questions are:

1. Do I understand and believe in the vision of the business I'm working for?
2. Do I clearly understand my role in the organization, including the responsibilities I have and how I will be judged / rated in performing this job?
3. Do I believe the rewards (compensation) are fair throughout the business - based on performance and not something arbitrary, like color of skin, age, sex, or personal / familial relationships? And that you are being fairly compensated for what you do?
4. Do I have the training I need to do my job properly?
5. Do I have all the tools and procedures I need to fulfill my responsibilities?
6. Are my talents recognized and understood by my superiors?
7. Am I encouraged to use my individual talents to fulfill my daily activities or through some other process?
8. Is it clear to me how I can improve myself and am I given full capacity to do so?

The more questions you can answer above with a resounding YES, the more likely you enjoy what you are doing, the more positive your attitude will be every day and the more motivated and committed to the job you will be. However, conversely, the more NOs, that you answer, the more likely you will feel discouraged, disenfranchised, and simply working for the pay, and not because you enjoy it.

Ask yourself these questions and ask them of your employees. Don't just do it once, make it a system that you rely on to understand the state of your business as much as any financial or sales analysis.

Do your best to encourage everyone to answer honestly. Work not just to make yourself and them happy and to give them more pay, but instead to turn your and their NOs to YESes. Figure out where you and your senior team lack in leading those who do the hard work everyday.

And watch your business grow in ways you wouldn't have expected, with such simple, "soft" techniques. Because when you have motivated employees and motivated leaders, who GET come to work everyday to do what they enjoy doing, and not HAVE to come to work in order to pay their bills, you will reap the benefits of Higher Customer Satisfaction, Larger Market Share, Better Employee Retention and More Productive Employees. Oh and let's not forget, more money in the bottom line - and cash in your back account.

What Are You Doing To Help Yourself?

2009-06-14T12:00:00.001-04:00

Changing the way you view yourself and your current situation is one of the best ways to change your life. It is the first step to developing new behaviors. And it helps you recognize the progress you've made in your life as well as assisting in finding new solutions to your existing struggles.

But how do you do that? How do you change the way you see your situation and yourself, if all you know is what you have always done?

That's a tough question - that most people struggle with. In many cases it is the answer you can't find on your won - you need outside help (a life or business coach or someone acting in that role). But, in the absence of an outside agent helping you see your life differently, here are some tips / techniques that you can use yourself:

- Stop accepting the problem as the end. Listen to yourself talk sometime about your problems, even if it means recording yourself and playing it back. Are you always talking about problems and stopping right there? If you are an "excuse maker", that is probably the case. So rather than stopping at the problem, take yourself one step further and offer a solution. It doesn't have to be the perfect solution, it just has to get you closer to better situation than you had / have already.

- Find what's working, focus on it and do more of it. Ask yourself "What's working in my life?" or "What worked for me today?" and really focus on that. Most people see so much "wrong" in their lives that they forget to look at what's right. When you can see what's right, you can begin to understand the power you have over your own life. And the more you understand that power, the more you can duplicate it in the future.

- Be grateful for what you have. Gratitude is a grounding process. The more you are thankful, the more you begin to look at life as full of abundance, rather than scarcity. Take a few moments every day to focus on what you are thankful for in your life and you will begin to see your life in a completely different way.

- Stop doing what isn't working for you. This may sound like common sense, but as has been said many times by many people, "Common Sense is NOT Common Practice." Just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean that you are going to automatically stop doing it. The reason most people don't apply this rule is because they've tried to stop, but nothing seems to work to change it. But honestly, they haven't tried everything - just what they know.

The internet is an amazing thing - forums on just about every subject / problem out there. Google your struggle and find a new solution. Try it and give it your best to change what's not working for you. If that process doesn't work for you either, then try another and another. Make it is that "not working for you" is not an option.

- Take small steps every day, rather than large steps once a week / month, to achieve what you want. Real, lasting change requires sustainability. Sustainability requires that you be able to live with the changes. The truth is the bigger the changes you try to accomplish, the stronger the pull back to your old habits. This is one of the reasons dieting is so hard - the more dramatically you try to lose weight, changing your lifestyle, the stronger the pull of your old lifestyle is and the more likely you will yo-yo back to where you started.

So if you want to change anything for the rest of your life, do it in small, measurable, planned increments and do it for the long term . . . not the short term.

Go Forth And Conquer By Systematizing These Ideas

None of these tips are magical - they require hard work and daily diligence - the one thing that we all tend to struggle with. If you truly want to help yourself, you won't stop by just trying these few tips I written above once or twice - instead you will take the necessary steps to take these steps from once a week occurrences or "only when I feel bad" solutions, to every day solutions that you apply not only when things are good, but also when they are NOT.

That means putting into place some form of daily accountability that will help you stay on track even when you don't feel like it anymore. It means doing more than just getting excited today. It's about getting excited today and every day forward - not just about generating results, but also in the daily process.

Your List of Goals is NOT a To-Do List

2009-06-11T12:00:00.001-04:00

What is the Difference between Goals and Actions (To-Do List)?

Simply stated Goals are the purpose toward which we direct our attention.

Actions (the things you have on a To-Do List) are the things you do to achieve your purpose (or goals).

Goals are what you desire to have or create, actions (your to-do list) are what you are going to do to create your goals.

- The essence of Goals is the answer to the question, "Why?"

- The essence of Actions is the answer to the questions, "What?" and"How?"

Would You Rather Vacation In Fargo or Cancun?

Truth is, all too often we live in a world of actions - and tell ourselves that we have goals. That's tantamount to deciding to deciding on going on vacation via a plane, without ever knowing where you want to go. Sure the plane might be the right choice, but then again, it might not.

Imagine if you decided to go on a vacation and just went to the airport and got on the first plane that had an open seat. Sure, you could end up in Cancun, where you would praise yourself for not wasting your time deciding where to go. But you could just as easily end up in Fargo, North Dakota (where you would blame the plane, not your lack of selecting a destination first).

Don't get me wrong, I love North Dakota, but it's NOT where I want to Vacation.

The airplane represents what we are going to do, but the Cancun and Fargo represent our goal. If we don't first choose our destination, we have little chance of really getting there.

In all honesty, as silly as this may sound for planning a vacation - it's just as silly for living your life.

STOP Picking WHAT and HOW First - Instead Pick WHY - The WHAT and HOW Can Follow

Everyday we ask ourselves the question, "What do I need to get done today?" (what is the mode of transportation?). But how many people really ask themselves "why they need to get those things done?" (where do I want to go?).

Unfortunately, in today's fast paced world this becomes a bigger and bigger problem. Each day, we pile on more actions that need to be done - but very rarely do we actually slow down long enough to figure out why they are doing them - or even if there are better ways of doing them.

I believe that when you establish Goals and face them everyday, your Goals drive your Actions - and this leads to you achieving the life you want to create. But, if you haven't defined your goals, you end up taking Actions with no real intent, then you will end up getting whatever LIFE decides to give to you.

The first key to creating the life you want - is first deciding what it is you want.

If you want to change your life, stop focusing on changing your actions (your to-do list). Instead, start by defining your goals. Only then will you be able to figure out which actions need to be done, which ones don't and, of course, which new ones need to be added to the list.

Finally, here are some 5 easy steps to Making Your Goals Drive Your Actions:

- Start simple - make a small list of short term goals (1 week to 1 month).

- Figure out what you need to make those goals happen - make your to-do list.

- Everyday, before you start working on your to-do list, review and concentrate on your goals - empower yourself with purpose.

- Periodically review your goals and make sure that your actions (your to-do list) are actually leading you toward your goals . . . or not

- Make changes as you need to make to your to-do list to stay on track with your goals - but don't change your goals.

Good luck. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at coach.jj@impossiblefutures.com.

Why Don't You Treat EVERYTHING Like A Game?

2009-06-10T12:00:00.001-04:00

"Why do you treat everything like a game?" Those are the words I heard a 30 something man angrily YELL at his young son, as he went to wash his hands in a public bathroom.

You see, the son, who obviously had been taught to wash his hands after using the toilet, was getting reprimanded because he had made "hand washing" fun. And, much to the dismay of his father, it was taking the young lad longer (and making a bit more of a mess) than Dad had wanted it to. Besides, according to the Dad's point of view, it was obvious that hand washing was just something you did - not something you enjoyed doing.

What do you think that does to the desire for the son to wash his hands next time?

Will he wash now that it can't be fun as well as he would have, when it was a game to him?

I doubt it.

In fact, in my opinion, this father, completely unknowingly, is teaching his son a very powerful, yet damaging lesson. The lesson being that there are things that you have to do in life that you simply have to do. You shouldn't have fun doing them - you should just do them, and be miserable like me (and my Dad before me).

Today, it was washing his hands. Next week, it will be homework or mowing the lawn. And eventually it will be work, marriage and even life itself.

The gift of youth is that we look to make everything a game. We look to have fun in every thing we do - and it comes out most obviously, when parents make their kids do something they don't want them to do.

In fact, with infants, we even teach them HOW to do this ourselves. Don't believe me? Have you ever pretended the fork was an airplane, flying in circles and delivering the mouthful of peas (that you child won't eat on his own) to his or her mouth. Do you not try to make eating foods you don't like into a game?

But somehow, somewhere, we have were taught that life isn't supposed to be fun or a game - it's supposed to be serious and no fun at all. And although we might not intend to pass this outlook on to our kids, by the time they reach adolescence, most kids have given up on making things they don't like fun, and only look at those chores as work.

But is that what we should be teaching to our kids or even to ourselves?

I hope not.

If you ask me, if people just spent a little bit of their time at work and in their life figuring out how to have fun doing what they have to do - making it a game, two things would happen:

1. They would smile a lot more and actually look forward to the things they used to dread doing.
2. Their productivity would increase dramatically - probably in the area of 50-100% simply because we always try harder in games that we like than those we don't.

So I ask you . . .

Why don't YOU treat everything like a game?

How Far Will You Go To Fulfill Your Dreams?

2009-06-08T13:00:00.000-04:00

I have found that most people truly believe they are committed to their goals and their dreams. They wake up every morning, believing they are doing everything possible to make their life what they want it to be. And they see that it's just their circumstance that is holding them back: they had a tough life growing up, the economy is sluggish, their parents didn't support their dreams, their boss is a jerk, etc. (I could go on for pages).

The truth is, these are not the reasons they are not achieving their goals - they are just the excuses they create to forgive themselves for giving up – for giving in.

It doesn't matter who you are. . . . excuses permeate the mind - but overcoming them (or not) is the difference between Success or Failure.

Never, Never, Never, Never Give Up!

Winston Churchill

What Are You Willing To Do To Overcome Your Excuses?

I recently read that psychologists measure commitment by the steps taken in the face of adversity.

So how committed are you?

Are you willing to do whatever it takes, in the face of the smallest (or even the largest) adversity to achieve what you want?

When the times get tough, to you accept that circumstances are just not favorable or that it's “just not in the cards”?

I don't care who you are and what your goals and dreams are . . . in today's world, in today's environment, you can accomplish whatever you set you mind out to do. But you have to be willing to accept that there will be adversity – it's a part of life. And more importantly, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to overcome it when it hits.

Facing The Truth About The Commitment To Your Goals

One of the most difficult tasks a coach has to do with a client is “enlightening” them to how "uncommitted" they are to their goals and objectives. Sure it's easy to tell someone they aren't doing what they could be doing to change their circumstance, but actually getting them to understand and accept it deep enough in their subconscious to act upon it requires more than just stating facts. It often requires overturning truths that they hold very dearly – the truths that have defined who they are up to that point in their life.

Quite often, it's not a matter of a lack of desire that prevents most from achieving their vision. Desires / and wants are bountiful in everyone's life. Instead, most people fall short because they don't possess a commitment to do whatever it takes to overcome their current reality – it's just easier to give in than to fight.

And too often people confuse doing what they know how to do, what is easy to do, and what is comfortable to do, with doing everything possible under the sun.

Opening Your Eyes To Your Own Story

Convincing someone they lack resolve is not easy. We all have a story that we tell ourselves that supports our self-image. We have created a a mental support structure of built-in excuses that we apply to all the circumstances we encounter to further support that story about us.

Facing the truth about “our story” is not easy. It requires hard evidence. People must see for themselves how their story is actually preventing them from higher levels of commitment – preventing them from achieving their goals.

That means that they not only have to see that they aren't fulfilling their goals, but also that it was their choices, at each crossroads of life that got them where they are today – not the circumstances that surrounded their lives.

This is a difficult task. You see, most people are pretty good at seeing that they aren't achieving their goals. But very few actually admit to themselves that it wasn't the circumstance that caused the failure - but their own actions / inactions.

Instead of blaming circumstances, they need to take responsibility for the actions and their choices.

Instead of quitting in the face of adversity, they need to embrace the challenge and ratchet up their commitment to turn the situation around in their favor.

Instead of seeing problems that pop-up preventing them from achieving their goals, find solutions that turn the problem into a new opportunity.

Take This Opportunity To Ask, “What Is My Story?”

How committed am I?

Have I done everything I can to make my dreams come true, or do I just make excuses for myself?

And most importantly, now that you are armed with this knowledge, what are you going to do differently to overcome the adversity that is inevitable in the pursuit of any worthy goal?

Need To Reach Your Goals? Read Your E-Mail

2009-06-07T17:00:00.001-04:00

In next week's Time Magazine, Dr. Sunjay Gupta, published an article, Too Fat? Read Your E-Mail, about the positive influence of daily / regular reminders in helping people eat healthier - keeping people on track to what they want to accomplish.

The article was based on a study published in the June issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine and found dramatic improvements on the fulfillment of health goals of a study group as compared to their control group.

It turns out that with weekly plus reminders, the targeted groupd increased their exercise regimen by an hour a week, reduced their consumption of saturated and trans fats by more than 1 gram / day, and increased their fruit / vegetable intake by 1/3 cup over the control group.

The truth is, the effects aren't limited to just health improvements.

These email reminders can work to support the accomplishment of any goal - health, professional, monetary, business, or personal. It doesn't matter the goal, what matters is how daily interaction with them affects the way you think and act.

Goals drive you actions! And the more you are thinking about your goals, the more likely it is that you will take the actions you need / must take to accomplish them. In this study, it was shown to work with health related goals -and specifically target emails to keep you focused, but over the course of the past 5 months, I have watched it work as well with personal, business, life, health, and even career goals.

If you are interested in finding out more about the effects of regular emails - that remind you about your goals as well as provide support and advice every day, please contact us at coach@impossiblefutures.com.

Natural Laws Govern Our Happiness And Success

2009-06-06T10:45:00.001-04:00

If you want to start a garden this summer, you know that there are many natural laws that govern the process. These are things that are true, whether you know them or not. They are independent of you and me - and govern the world we live in. You can try all you want to break the laws. But the truth is, nature is the ultimate accountability partner - and you will only get out of your garden, exactly what you put into it.

The laws I speak of aren't necessary written down in a "Natural Law Book", but best as I can tell, they are as follows:

1. You will only reap what you sow. Sounds silly, but you won't get cucumbers if all you planted was tomatoes. It doesn't matter how well you take care of the tomato plants, all you will get from them is tomatoes. So think about what you want before you plant - not in the middle of the summer.

2. If you want a harvest in the fall, then you must plant in the spring. There is no getting around this one - you can't wait until September, work real hard and expect to see a great harvest by October - it just isn't going to happen.

3. If you don't take care of the garden all summer long, watering, weeding and generally caring for the plants, you will not get the harvest you hope for. How many gardens will be started this spring, only to be left to their own all summer long - leaving little or no real chance for a harvest come autumn.

So here is my question:

Why is it that we can know and understand the natural laws of gardening
and farming so well, doing our best to live within them, but continue to
deny that we, as natural beings, are governed by similar natural laws?

In fact, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, I believe there exists a set of natural laws that govern human behavior - laws that govern the results we get each and every day from our actions. And I believe that our ignorance to or resistance against these laws doesn't make them any less "real" - nor give us any 'free' passes to get what we want without doing the necessary work.

Here are the laws that I believe govern our success and happiness, just as the laws above govern the success and happiness associated with a garden harvest.

1. You will only reap what you sow. You must plan for what you want. If you don't, there is no telling what the result will be. This means starting with the end in mind - having a vision of what you want to create and goals that will give you the focus you need through the tough times and the good.

2. If you want to have the life you want, then you must begin to take action NOW to make it happen. The creation of real success in life takes time and commitment. There will be times when you have a short lived windfall from short term activities. However, for the most part, if you want to BE someone when you grow up or be known for something when you grow old, then you must start today. You can't wait until you are grown up or old to be that person.

There is no getting around this one - you can't do nothing for your entire life, and then at age 60 decide to create the life you want. It doesn't work that way. You can begin to change who you are from that point forward, but you can't change the first 60 years of your life.

3. It's not just a one time decision - it takes daily attention and focus to grow success and happiness. All too often in life, as in the garden, people plant the seeds of their future, but do nothing to nurture those seeds. Sure they start our with great intentions, but quickly falter and even forget what they wanted in the first place. They let their dreams sprout, but quickly dry up or become overrun by thousands of opposing ideas, gnawing away at their time, money and energy.

In life, just as in gardening, you must show up everyday and care for your vision, examine your life, and decide what you need to do today to get your self one step closer to the life you want.

Finally, as an extension of the third rule, it's important to remember that you must enjoy the journey as much as work towards destination. It isn't enough to live only for tomorrow or only for today. You must find away to relish the past, learning as you go, enjoy the present as if it's all that you have, and plan for your future, giving as much attention in your daily routine to what you want to create as you do to want you want right now.

Live By The Laws Or Suffer The Consequences

You can do what ever you want with your life. We all know that you will. These laws don't state that you can't DO what ever you want, they simply define the consequences of your actions.

Are there exceptions? Sure - extreme few. Just like we all now that if you step off of a 10 story building the laws of gravity will make you fall, the result of the fall may not be fatal - you could get lucky. But the natural law is still present.

So the sooner you begin to accept these laws and begin to define your actions around them and within the limitations and boundaries they provide, the more likely you will live a happier, more successful life.

Push Yourself To Leverage The Power of Positive Stress

2009-06-05T13:00:00.000-04:00

Let's face it, setting goals and trying to achieve them causes stress - and it's usually stress we can handle. . . most of the time. And so, we take on more and more every day, not realizing the toll it's taking on us, until it's too late. The stress stops being a positive influence on our lives and begins to destroy the very thing we are striving to achieve.

At first it feels good - you are making things happen and completing your goals. You feel good about yourself and the energy it brings to you. Unfortunately, it's very easy to push yourself too hard and too fast to achieve what you want - because you want everything . . . right now. And by going too far, we almost always end up losing all the gains we made in the first place.

So the key is to set goals that drive you forward, but not so fast that you can't handle the stress and that pace.

The Difference Between Eustress and Distress

The difference between your current reality, your day-to-day life, and your dreams causes stress - good stress (eustress). It is this stress that drives you forward to achieve your goals and make your dreams come true. It causes you to take actions and do the things that you must do, to change your current reality.

Eustress is a good thing. But as we know, too much of any "good thing" always turns bad.

When we push ourselves too hard, or a crisis comes up that we didn't anticipate, that eustress can quickly turn into distress (the bad stress in our lives) - the stress that comes from feelings of inadequacy, overburden, and failure.

While eustress will give you the energy every day to make your dreams come true - when you feel distress, it is destructive. You will do just about anything to make it go away. Change the condition that is creating it - as fast as you can.

What Happens When Good Turns To Bad

Without constant monitoring and self awareness, it is very easy to push yourself over the top and go from the positive of eustress to the destructive of distress.

When this happens, it's important to make a decision - either work through the distress, knowing it's short lived, or relieve it. In order to relieve the "distress" caused by chasing your goals and dreams, you have two options:

1. Change your current reality and make your dreams come true

2. Change your goal to ease the stress.

So, do you really have a choice? Not really - because you CAN NOT change current reality. Life, right this minute, is what it is. It takes time to change your current reality. It takes daily action and focus over time to change your current reality.

However, you can change your goals, making them easier to achieve or removing them completely from your life. Literally, you remove the stress, by eliminating what you want from your life - because it's easier (less stressful to live without the pressure of growth burdening you with pressure to perform.

Unfortunately, that is exactly what most people do. They simply lower their goals and begin down the dark side of life - a life void of drive / personal development.

When you lower your goals and ease your stress, you give up on living.

Think about this as you go through you day, today. Is the stress you are feeling, eustress or distress? It is a fine line - even when it's coming from your efforts to achieve your goals. You want create enough stress that you feel uncomfortable being where you are, but not so much that you give up or breakdown.

Your goals will drive your actions moving forward. There will be days when you push yourself too hard. And others when you barely push at all.

Be the Willow, not the Oak when Dealing with Stress

The key to growing day-to-day is to first being honest with yourself with where you are - your current reality. And then setting and analyzing your goals each and every day. When unforeseen, uncontrollable events begin to build up, and the eustress goes over the edge, you have crossed a threshold that you must reign in. Either you power your way through it (because you know its short lived) or you make some adjustments to your goals. Be a Willow Tree here not an Oak Tree (bend but don't break). Stick to your goals, but give yourself a little more time or energy to make them happen - be flexible enough to allow yourself to keep moving forward.

Push yourself - but do it in a healthy way.

The truth is if you land in the "world of Distress" too long, not only will you not reach your goals on time, but will most likely give up on them completely.

I'm sure you can even tell me of times when you broke the threshold of eustress to distress. And may have even broken it recently a bit. That's ok - you need to know where the threshold is - but make sure you come back quick.

Come back and give yourself room - to bend like the willow in the wind - is very important.

What's amazing about life though, is the more eustress you can handle and work with today - the more capable you are of increasing that in the future (you adapt and grow). It's like a muscle that grows stronger with exercise. But there will always be a threshold - be careful and make sure you have a system (often times an objective outside observer) to remind you to bend / not break when you get to close.

Stay on Track

2009-06-03T16:11:00.002-04:00

According to Coach Tom Landry (Cowboys Football coach from 1960-1988), coaching is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, so they can be who they want to be.

As a Business Coach, I tell people, current and perspective clients, that there isn't anything that I can tell them that they can't find somewhere else - either on the internet, in a book, through hiring a consultant or going back to school. Unfortunately, most people simply don't do what they know they should do, because they tend to forget why they are doing it. They end up spending nearly all their time thinking how they are going to survive today, and forget that they actually had a dream they were trying to accomplish when they set out on the adventure of business ownership.

It seems to me that it is common knowledge that if you start a business, you need a Business Plan. But yet 80% of all small businesses in America operate without a Business Plan, or any strategy at all. Sure, they may have written one when they started, so they could get a loan from a bank. But, once they got their loan, they have never looked at it again. They normally just run and make it all about doing, doing, doing - never stopping to figure out if they are on the path to achieving what they want.

So, let's stop and think for just one minute - that is if you are a Small Business Owner. It's the middle of 2009. And you only have half the year left to reach your annual goals. What are your goals for the year? What do you want your business to be when you celebrate the beginning of 2010?

These are not trivial questions!!! Nearly (*) every great accomplishment in life has occurred because some ONE followed nearly exactly these steps, of which setting goals is the first and most important:
- Envisioned it occurring, creating the goal
- Figured out a plan on how to achieve it
- Set down a planned path to achieve it
- Ran into roadblocks along the way
- Modified the plan to correct for things they hadn't foreseen
- Repeatedly corrected their plan until they reached their goal.

There is nothing magical about it - it just takes fortitude and the ability to adjust the plan when things don't exactly as go you thought they would. Because they NEVER will.

So rather than just surviving, go out and make your goals a reality. And then the key is to STAY ON TRACK!

(*) I say nearly every great accomplishment because someone will always throw Sir Alexander Fleming's name out there because he accidentally discovered penicillin. But it was his goal to discover a way to kill bacteria - penicillin was an accident, but finding the most effective substance for killing bacteria was NOT!

Change Yourself And You Will Change The World Around You

2009-06-02T12:00:00.002-04:00

We don't see the world as it is - we see it as we are and as we feel.

If you feel good about yourself, you see the world as a reflection of that. If you are insecure and lack confidence with your life, then you will find events and surround yourself with people that validate those feelings too.

So, if you want to change the world, you can try to change everyone and everything around you - or you can change yourself and see everyone and everything around you change too.

I don't care how objective you try to be - what you experience - happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, wraith, joy, pride and even love, isn't just black and white truth - it's a reflection of who you are, how you think, how you live, what you do, and even where you live.

A Personal Reminder

Last month, I was reminded of this idea once again - in my own life. A couple events occurred in my life that shook my confidence and rocked the foundation of my life.

The funny thing is that the events were not that big of a deal. In fact, as I look back they were completely foreseeable and almost silly. So they shouldn't have impacted me at all. But at the time, I was doubting some things in my own heart. And when the events happened, it reflected back what I was already feeling - and they were nearly crippling.

Had these events occurred the month before or even this month, they would have hardly impacted me at all - had I even noticed them. But when I was feeling a little insecure about a couple things in my life, my subconscious was looking for validation of those insecurities. And of course, it found the validation - as it ALWAYS will.

You Can Choose The Feelings You Want Validated

Everyday, there are things that will happen around you that will validate nearly anything and everything you want to feel. If you feel pretty, you will find validation. If you don't, you will find that too. Smart, dumb, fun, angry - anything you feel, your subconscious will validate for you - it will find (or create) validation to perpetuate the feelings you are experiencing about yourself.

The funny thing is that validation doesn't always come from where we thought, or hoped, it would. That can cause anxiety. But it shouldn't, because it isn't about the others around us, it's about us. It's our subconscious looking to make you feel safe in how you are feeling by validating your thoughts. Accept it - it is what it is, a reflection of you, not the people around you.

So rather than looking for validation of what you want to believe about yourself - behave and feel what you want to feel about yourself first.

Be the person you want to be, and the feelings will follow. And where the feeling lie, so lies your filter - and inevitably, validation for your feelings.

Be confident, and you will feel confident - and find validation for your confidence.

Be happy and you will feel happy - and you will see happiness all around you - validating and expanding your own happiness.

Love and you will feel love - and without a doubt, you will see love all around you.

YOU have the ultimate power over YOUR LIFE, over the world within which YOU LIVE. You can choose how you feel and what you surround yourself with - happiness, sadness, love, or anger, simply by choosing to behave in a manner that reflects those feelings.

And most importantly, you will not only will you change yourself, but you will change the world around you.

**** But here is a quick warning . . . the feelings you want to validate must be real, not made up or faked, or the validation you find will feel just as insincere as the feelings you are trying to validate.

If you could have any one thing in life that you wanted . . . what would it be?

2009-06-01T12:00:00.000-04:00

If you could have any one thing in life that you wanted . . . what would it be?

Sounds like what the Genie asked Aladdin when he rubbed the lamp, doesn't it? But what if it wasn't just a fabled story, and you could actually have anything you wanted. What would you want?

And what if I told you that you could have it, but . . . there was a catch. You would have to be WILLING to give up what you have today - everything you know and love.

Would you do it?

Note, I didn't say you had to give up everything you had right now - just had to be willing to. You may have to give it all up. But then again, you may not. The key is the willingness to let go - the openness for the opportunity of growth.

You see, it's all within your power and your reach . . . the ability to have anything you can dream of. That no lie - and I'm not selling anything. But for most people the fear of the unknown - not knowing what that life may leave them with - is enough to prevent them from actually doing what they need to do.

Believe it or not . . . we experience this many times in our childhood. But we don't hesitate, because, the draw forward is stronger than the chains holding us back.

The first time a baby walks, he is willing to give up the security of crawling, just to be more like Mom and Dad.

Same thing happens when he becomes potty trained - as much as he wants to be more grown up, he also loves to be a baby.

And when you go to school for the first time, you venture into a world that you've dreamed about often for years, but with absolute fear, because you know there is no turning back.

And your first kiss - life as you know it is over. Whether you realize it at the moment or not, as you put your arm around someone else for the first time to give them a passionate kiss, there is no turning back - but you are ok with that, because it's time to grow up - to become more adult.

Throughout our lives we face these decisions - we face growing up and moving forward, or forever staying where we are. In each of these examples, you were willing to give up what you had for the hope of something better. Some of the changes are small, and others are large. But don't kid yourself, with each step, you lose a little bit of who you were to become who you are going to be.

But all too often, as adults, we get stuck. We stop moving forward and get complacent - not willing to give up anything to even grow a little bit. All we want is security in life - which quite honestly, isn't life at all.

The essence of who we are, as humans, is growth. More than anyone else, we have the ability to see our surroundings, find the flaws and "try" to improve on them. But alas, many of us struggle at the idea of growth - not sure what we would have to give up, if we go down that path. Literally the fear of what we might lose, prevents us from actually getting what we want.

So let me ask you . . .

- Would you give up watching American Idol or The Biggest Loser to have your Masters Degree and eventually a better paying job, higher salary, and more personal flexibility?

- Would you be willing to give up one and a half slices of bread per day for ever to cut one pound from your diet every month for the rest of your life?

- Would you give up job security and a guaranteed pay check every other week to pursue your dreams - even if that meant getting a smaller house, a smaller car, and eating out less, knowing that you might make 10x what you make now?

These are just a few questions that I can think of - but the truth is, there are a million things we must be WILLING to "give-up" if we want our dreams come true, so the most important two questions of all are:

What do you want your life to be?

What are you willing to do / give up to make that come true?

When you are WILLING to give up everything - literally everything is possible!